


The Rising Tide

by Kittleskittle



Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Angst, Bisexual Male Character(s), F/M, Heavy use of in-game lore, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, New machines/tribes, OT3, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, The Forbidden West(tm), Three-way pining, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:33:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 64,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22377271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittleskittle/pseuds/Kittleskittle
Summary: DISCONTINUED.Nearly three years have passed since the presumed defeat of the AI known as HADES. Meridian has fallen, and Erend Vanguardsman has managed to smuggle Sun-King Avad away just in time. Desperate, he seeks the reluctant aid of his old friend Aloy, Seeker of the Nora.Aloy and Avad, joined by the Hunter Nil, must travel far from the borders of the Sundom and deep into the mysterious Forbidden West, where answers to some of Aloy's remaining questions may be waiting.
Relationships: Aloy/Avad (Horizon: Zero Dawn), Aloy/Avad/Nil (Horizon: Zero Dawn), Aloy/Nil (Horizon: Zero Dawn), Avad/Nil (Horizon: Zero Dawn)
Comments: 150
Kudos: 115





	1. Exile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, and welcome to my first fanfiction in seven years! I've been working on this for the past few weeks, pretty much since I finished the game. There will be character driven drama, lots of world building, angst, and more drama because I guess I like suffering. Keep in mind that the tags/relationships ARE mutable and WILL be edited, and the rating is most definitely going up. I'm also an artist, so you might see the occasional illustration.

There was a shadow rising from the edge of the horizon, gradually growing in size as it approached the foot of a towering mesa. It glided into a silvery pool of moonlight, and he could just make out _her_ hooded form sitting slumped upon the back of a great horned machine. The muted thud of its hooftbeats echoed against the walls of the canyon, the only sound that could be heard for miles in the eerie stillness of the desert night. Beast and woman seemed to pause for a moment, as if deciding on a course, but soon continued on their steady trek, a long shadow trailing behind the pair like a black river. He sucked in a breath and, gripping his precious cargo closer, stepped forward.

\-- 

Although she had discovered where she had come from, Aloy despite the Nora had never found the belonging she had searched for since childhood.

In the aftermath of HADES, she had latched on to the only familiarities she knew in a world which, for her, had been flipped upside down - traveling, exploring, and hunting. There would always be plenty of people who needed a kind of help uniquely suited for her talents, and with that help often came thanks in the form of metal shards or a hot meal. It wasn't much, but it had afforded her a stable, if meager, existence. It afforded her time, her most desired commodity - because as much as Aloy would deny it, she couldn't bring herself to face her old allies and friends. 

At first, after spending several weeks in Meridian tying up her remaining loose ends, she had been far too busy aiding the rebuilding effort in the Sacred Lands. The Nora had mistreated her since the day she had been discovered outside of the Cradle, but they were still people in need and, damn her moral compass, she had to help. It's what Rost would've wanted, and she couldn't think of a better way to honor his memory.

But eventually she had left the Embrace once again, her original intent to search for a means to restore GAIA. No matter how many ruins she searched, no matter how many data points she scanned, no matter how many times she attempted to contact Sylens in a fit of frustration, she turned up nothing. Even the missing unshackled sub-functions remained elusive, so eventually, she gave up actively searching. The days turned to weeks, the weeks into months, and one day she woke up and realized that nearly three years had passed since the Battle of Meridian. Something kept her away, and if she didn't know any better, that something was shame. It seemed as if the only thing she knew how to do when emotions and people were involved was to run away, she had thought to herself bitterly on one long, lonely night. Still, she would sometimes say their names to herself like a mantra, and it brought her some small measure of comfort. Erend. Varl. Petra. Talanah. Vanasha. Nil, even. And Avad.

For some reason, his name was always accompanied by a pang of guilt. Whether she liked it or not, saving the world had won Aloy admiration and exhaltation, and many had expected her to naturally step into a leadership role. Instead, uncomfortable with the sudden attention after years of shunning, she had turned tail and fled like a skittish Grazer. She could almost see Avad's kohl-lined eyes boring into her accusingly as he asked her why she couldn't bring herself do what he once had - shown up and taken on the mantle of a role that he hadn't wanted, because it was the right thing to do.

Rationally, Aloy knew that the Sun-King would never be so harsh with her; in fact, out of everyone she had met on her journey, he would be the most likely to understand why she had, for all intents and purposes, dropped off the face of the earth. On particularly miserable nights alone, her thoughts would drift back to the memory of her last visit to the palace after HADES' defeat.

_She passed a throng of waiting nobility(blessedly silent for once, likely out of respect for all she had done for the Carja) and meandered up the curved stairs to Avad's throne, as if trying to delay her imminent departure. Meridian was noisy, crowded, and overwhelming at times, but it had the makings of a home if she could bring herself to finally settle down. Somehow, the city being the polar opposite of the Embrace in every way was actually desirable to Aloy - it felt new, a fresh start without the baggage of the Nora. So many of her newfound friends(and she still couldn't quite believe that she really had people she could count as friends) either lived here or were close by, and she was finding herself seeking their company more frequently as of late, getting to know them without the looming shadow of war. She had spent a particularly large chunk of her time in the Palace of the Sun, aiding Avad with plans and ideas for the reconstruction of the destroyed parts of the city, and she was finding that she enjoyed the work. It was a new method of helping large swaths of people, finding ways to improve their overall quality of life, and she was beginning to see the potential in taking on the role of advisor to the Sun-King._

_It didn't matter what she wanted for herself, however; as a Seeker of the Nora, she was needed in the Sacred Lands as soon as possible, and any plans she made would have to wait. As she reached the final step, she gazed wistfully out over the sun-kissed Maizelands. Already, she found herself missing it._

_"Aloy. You're leaving us so soon?"_

_She turned to face Avad, who had risen from his throne to come and stand beside her. A fond smile was tugging at his lips._

_"There's a lot of work to be done in Nora territory," she said, leaning against the railing. "I couldn't stay in Meridian forever."_

_"And yet you'll always be welcome here," he said, placing his warm hand over hers. She eyed it, but didn't pull away, having grown accustomed to his tendency for physical contact. "These last few weeks of cleanup have been made much more bearable because of your presence. I want you to feel as though the city is your home."_

_"I'd like for it to be, but..."_

_"I understand. But if you ever need a place to come back to, know that there will always be a room in the palace waiting for you, and if you'd like, a place by my side."_

_Aloy suddenly found herself being tugged against Avad's chest, his arms folding around her in a gentle embrace. She exhaled and closed her eyes, allowing herself to not think for a moment and simply be. A part of her had always ached for touch, and to be held like this was bliss. His lips found her forehead, and he kept them pressed there for a long moment before pulling away. She felt oddly bereft._

_"Safe travels, Aloy. And thank you, again, for everything. May you always walk in the light."_

Aloy suspected that Avad had somehow known that she wouldn't be returning to Meridian for a very long time but, as was his nature, hadn't said a thing - he had simply let her go. He had always been so kind to her while expecting nothing in return, so much so that every time the thought of their last memory together crossed her mind, she felt a deep sense of regret. At times like this, the Avad in her head would come alive, mercilessly needling her with barbs of guilt. Sometimes the voices of her other friends joined in, demanding and jeering, and more than once she wondered if she was finally losing her mind after being alone for so long. But she stubbornly continued to resist the draw of Meridian, always grasping at the next excuse to remain adrift.

A sudden lurch of movement in her periphery had her stiffening. In one fluid motion, Aloy slipped from her seat upon her Broadhead and crouched lowly in the cool sand. Her bow was drawn and an arrow nocked when she paused, squinting to assess the scene in front of her. Her Focus had identified two people, and whoever they were certainly didn't move with the sinister grace of Shadow Carja remnant or the confident swagger of bandits. In fact, it appeared that one of these people was heavily injured, judging by their awkward, lurching gait.

Exhaling her tension away, Aloy stood, moonlight bathing her face. Her heart nearly stopped as the pair came fully into view.

"Sweat and steel, Aloy, it's really you!"

Erend Vanguardsman stood before her, panting heavily, but looking nearly the same as the day she had last seen him - broad, powerful, but possessing one of the kindest faces she had ever encountered. A weak smile of relief was spreading across his exhausted features, and the person he was struggling to keep upright was no other than the Sun-King himself.

A startled noise escaped her as the pair got close. Avad's head lolled aimlessly over his dirt-streaked chest, which had been entirely stripped of his usual finery and regalia. Countless shallow cuts and bruises peppered the rest of his exposed skin, and a hastily stitched wound carved an angry path across his upper right arm. Her heart clenched at the sight of so many injuries, and her hands curled into tight fists. Something dark and sticky, probably blood, was caked in his thickly curled hair. Distantly, it occured to Aloy that had never seen him without his crown before. 

"Erend," she said, reaching forward to help steady Avad. His skin was hot and clammy, and she swallowed. "What happened?"

Erend barked out a humorless laugh and rubbed a dust-caked forearm against his nose.

"Hello to you too. A lot's happened since you left, Aloy, but I'll give you the short version: Meridian has been invaded, and I barely got our asses out of the city before his Luminance here was executed for some kind of freaky blood drinking ritual. Let's just say I had a tip about where to find you, and you're about the only person left in the Sundom I trust."

"Blood drinking?" Aloy paled, her mind racing as the meaning of his words washed over her - there was only one tribe infamous for such a gruesome act. "The Tenakth. The Tenakth have invaded? And wait, you walked all the way from Meridian like this?"

"Nothing gets past you, as usual. We were caught totally off guard on multiple fronts. Meridian and Brightmarket got hit especially hard from what I know, and I guarantee there will be more reports from other guard posts waiting when I get back. It was completely overwhelming force, and I'm willing to wager it's more than just Tenakth in their ranks. We've been on the road for a few days now, but it's been slow going since we're trying to avoid the major roads. I managed to smuggle the king here out of the city in a cart with a couple of my men. He was in a pretty bad way, so we had to give him some Dreamwillow to keep him calm."

Despite the dire circumstances, she snorted. "Well, that explains why he's so out of it."

"Hey, we didn't really have a whole lot of options at the time. It was either Dreamwillow or risk drawing attention to us." He shrugged helplessly. "Believe it or not, he's doing a lot better than he was."

Aloy raised a skeptical eyebrow but waited for Erend to continue.

"So, when our setup got to be too obvious, my men headed back towards Meridian, while me and Avad continued on foot. You don't understand how glad I am that my information on your whereabouts was solid, by the way. Couldn't handle much more of dragging him through the damn desert by myself." He paused here, taking a deep, steadying breath.

"Anyway, I guess someone was feeding the enemy leadership our secrets, and that included information about the Vanguard. Some captain I am, huh?" Erend's shoulders slumped, and Aloy reached out with her free hand to clasp his shoulder comfortingly. 

"What do you need from me?" she asked quietly, although she was pretty sure she knew where this was going.

"I need you to take Avad and get far the hell away from the Sundom, because it's only a matter of time before we lose more territory. My advice is to go deep into the Forbidden West. I don't think anywhere else is safe anymore."

"I don't know, Erend." She shifted uneasily, overwhelmed by the sudden request. After living by her own rules and schedule for so long, taking on such a momentous responsibility filled her with nauseating anxiety. "Why not you? How do you know you can still trust me? It's been years." 

"Already looking to get rid of us, huh?" At her downcast look, he softened. "Look, Aloy. I know you've been busy doing your own thing, and you're right, it's been awhile. But come on, it's you, and I've always known you to be one of the most reliable, trustworthy people around. I don't think that kind of thing could ever change. As for me, I'm needed in the Sundom to aid the resistance effort. He may not like it, but Avad is way too important to risk, and we've already cut it close. "

"This is...a lot. There are so many variables at play, and I don't know if I can guarantee that I'll be able keep him safe."

"I sought you out for a reason. If you of all people can't safeguard him, we're pretty much screwed."

Her eyes fixed back on Avad, who was so dazed he appeared to be entirely unaware of his surroundings, and something deep within her heart shifted. It was like the wall keeping her emotions at bay had cracked, just a little bit, and a trickle of protective anger dripped into her chest. She wasn't sure she was entirely ready to leave the bubble of her self-enforced solitude, but she was starting to wonder if she ever would be without a push like this. And if she owed anyone anything, it was Erend and Avad.

With a heavy sigh, she set her mouth in a thin, determined line.

"Okay, Erend. I'll do it."

All of the tension seemed to drain from him at once, like dirty water from a bath, and a wide smile split his face. Instantly, he was transformed into the same Erend she had left behind in Meridian, and she was reminded why he had been her first close friend. Another pang of guilt clanged in her chest, but she squared her shoulders and pushed it away.

"'Atta girl. Let me help you get him and his pack loaded up, and you can get going."

Aloy nodded and grabbed a meaty wire on her Broadhead, guiding the beast until it was flush against her side. Erend had already scooped Avad up as effortlessly as a sack of maize, but she grabbed his leg, maneuvering it so that he was able to straddle the back of her ride. The Sun-King groaned faintly, but allowed himself to be carefully balanced on the machine. Hoisting herself up behind him, Aloy secured a steadying arm around his waist then wrapped her oversized cloak around both of them. Her stomach did a tiny flip as he sagged against her, clearly grateful to have some protection against the nighttime chill. She cleared her throat.

"How am I supposed to keep in touch with you?"

"Oh, don't worry about that." Erend grimaced as he finished tying Avad's pack to the hindquarters of the Broadhead, and he glanced away for a moment. "I have, uh, a contact who's very good at tracking people. He'll find you and keep you updated on the situation."

"Uh, okay?"

"Hey, it'll be fine. Trust me." A strong hand squeezed her calf, and he leveled a meaningful look at her. "Now, get going. The more distance you can put between yourselves and the Sundom before sunrise, the better."

A prickly lump formed in Aloy's throat, but she nodded. 

"Erend, when all of this is over..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I missed you too. I'll buy you a drink, and we can make up for lost time." He stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest and looking as serious as she had ever seen him. "I'd say good luck, but you're not the type who needs it. Take care of him. And Aloy, don't forget to take care of yourself."

With a final long gaze at Erend, Aloy whistled and gave her Broadhead a kick in its metal sides. It snorted, broke into a spirited trot, and they were soon cantering west across the dusty expanse of the desert. She didn't look back.

\--

"Aloy?"

Startled out of her brooding thoughts sometime later, Aloy was surprised to find a slightly more lucid Avad twisted around in his seat and staring back at her through heavy-lidded eyes. Hesitantly, he reached up and brushed the curve of her cheek with trembling fingertips.

"Are you truly here? Or is this another dream?"

At his touch, a blush spread uncontrollably over her face, but she dipped her head in a nod.

"Yes, Avad. I'm really here."

"Good. That's so good. Even if this is a dream and none of this is real, it's good. I've waited so long to see you again," he said, his speech slow and slurred. "I watched the gates every day, just in case you came riding up." His brow creased. "But you never did."

Aloy squeezed her eyes shut, smothering the staggering emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. This was exactly what she had been dreading facing, and Avad's intoxicated state was making it all the harder to deal with. She opened her mouth to form some sort of lame excuse, but before she could, he spoke.

"Ah, Aloy. I'm sorry. I did not intend to cause you any distress." He stroked a thick lock of her hair. "You're still so beautiful."

Stunned out of her internal guilt trip, she could only gawk mulishly in response. Avad settled back against her, shutting his eyes. Apparently, just a few sentences had exhausted him, and he was already slipping back into unconsciousness.

"Thank you for this gift," he said faintly, burrowing deeper into the warmth of her cloak. "I hope I will recall this when I'm awake." With that, he was back asleep.

"You'll be getting a lot more than that," Aloy muttered under her breath, desperately willing her hot cheeks to cool. 

She huffed and, gripping the wire reins of the Broadhead, urged it on. They had a lot of ground to cover before daybreak, and the sun waited for no one, not even the Sun-King himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot to say about this chapter beyond yay, exposition!
> 
> I'm planning for ~25ish chapters. I'm going to TRY to update twice a week, but that might drop down to once a week, toddler-willing. :P
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! Join me on Tumblr at kittleskittle, especially if you'd like to see some of my art!


	2. To the West

She rode long into the night, pushing the Broadhead to its limits. As the sky to the east lightened and glowed a fiery orange, and the machine began to sputter and groan its protest, Aloy started to search for a place to make camp for the day. Although they were well northwest of the edges of the Sundom by now, the constant awareness that they were in unfamiliar territory was sitting uneasily in her mind. Anything could be lurking beyond the next scrubby dune - new machines, a hostile tribe, even some yet undiscovered, aggressive fauna. 

Avad increasingly drifted in and out of a delirious state of consciousness, and would occasionally murmur nonsensical words, but had yet to regain the awareness of her he'd possessed the night before. Aloy wasn't particularly bothered by it, if she were being totally honest. _That_ conversation was best saved for full bellies and several hours rest.

At long last, she came upon an outcropping of sandy rock with just enough depth to hide them from both the blazing heat of the daytime sun and potential passersby. Aloy slid off the Broadhead and groaned as the muscles in her legs protested angrily. Gritting her teeth against the throbbing aches and exhaustion, she caught Avad in her arms and half-dragged him into the shallow cave, arranging her cloak around him. Satisfied that he seemed comfortable, she went to retrieve their supplies and shoo away her spent mount. As she watched its rapidly retreating form, she briefly wondered if letting it go had been the wisest decision. She had to hope that there was a herd of rideable machines somewhere nearby, otherwise they'd be walking the rest of the way west.

Supressing a wide yawn and stumbling back into the shelter, she automatically went through the motions of setting up her bedroll, and was asleep only minutes after settling in.

\--

When she came to, the first thing Aloy noticed was how the air in the cave had shifted. She rolled over to squint out at the late afternoon sun, blinking several times to banish the stiff, tired feeling from her eyes. With a resigned sigh, she eased herself up, wincing at the residual soreness bunched in her muscles, and her eyes met Avad's.

"Aloy," he said quietly, clearly sober. "You're awake."

"Um, yeah. Hi." She frowned at his uncharacteristically drawn expression. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm doing as well as the situation would allow, despite the after-effects of that horrid plant." He shuddered, looking away from her. "Last night...I believed you were a dream."

"No, I'm pretty sure I was real," she replied, raising her arms in a stretch and wincing when something in her shoulder popped. "And that entire conversation we had was real, too."

He grimaced but dipped his head in a nod, still not looking at her. She softened, inching closer to him.

"Avad, look. I don't know what you're going through-"

"No. You don't." The unexpected fury in his words caught Aloy off guard. She had seen a lot of emotions from Avad, but she couldn't recall ever seeing him angry - upset and emotional, yes - but never radiating this level of potent intensity.

"I thought I was finally getting a handle on ruling the Sundom," he continued, an acerbic sneer of self-loathing twisting his lips. "I thought I could preserve the peace I fought for, killed my own father for, and move my people towards a new era of diplomacy and cooperation rather than constant war. But now, I'm exactly where I started - on the run, waiting for a resistance to be mustered, and with no certainty as to when I'll be able to go home. Haven't my people suffered enough? Haven't I?"

He buried his face in his hands, a dry, strangled sob shaking his back.

"I should have stayed. I should have convinced Erend to let me to stay. Even if I had died, it would have been while fighting to protect my kingdom."

"You know you're of more use to your people alive," Aloy said gently, reaching out to lay a comforting hand on him. "And Erend did his best to keep you safe, as was his duty."

"What would you know of duty and responsibility?" Avad snapped, and she recoiled as if she had been bitten. "The only thing you know how to do is flee like a scared child."

Aloy scrambled to her feet with a vicious snarl, as shocked and as hurt as she would've been if he had slapped her across the face.

"That's not fair," she said hotly, but her voice wavered as his words hit their mark. "I was the one who saved us all, including you and your precious Carja! I earned the time I took, and I thought you of all people would understand that."

Avad paled, and finally looked at her as the full gravity of what he had said set in. 

"Aloy, I-"

"I'm going hunting."

She seized her bow from where she had leaned it against the wall and stomped out of the cave towards a distant clump of vegetation, wiping angrily at the tears that threatened to spill on to her cheeks.

It was exactly as she had feared. There had been a hint of the same disappointment from Erend last night, and she was painfully aware of the fact that he had treated the situation with kid gloves, in that he refused to bring it up at all. Avad's candid declaration, however, had cut her more deeply than she would have anticipated, and she couldn't say why. What she did know, however, was that there was a certain truth to his words she couldn't bring herself to face. 

"He didn't need to say it like that," she muttered to herself, pressing a few fingers against her Focus to activate it. A couple of rabbits lit up in the brush, and she tagged one. One clean shot later, the deed was done, and after collecting a small bundle of kindling, she was heading back with a marginally cooler head. 

Crouching just outside the alcove, she pulled out her hunting knife to skin and butcher their breakfast. When the first cut went a smidge too deep and the meat was nearly ruined by a sticky burst of blood, a frustrated yell escaped her, and she threw the mess on the ground. 

"Well, that's one aspect of being in the wilderness with which I'll need to get reacquainted."

Aloy's shoulders tensed as Avad kneeled beside her, his expression contrite.

"Aloy, I'm so sorry," he said softly, placing a hand on her arm. She drew in a steadying breath, then exhaled, allowing some of the strain to leave her.

It was then that she noticed he was wearing different clothes, and most shockingly, a shirt. Avad, who she had never seen in more than a metal vest and pants, was wearing an entire shirt. He was dressed in regular, if finely made, Carja garb. A tight vest over a billowing top with the typical decorative knots hugged his torso, and knee-length pants similar to those she had seen Nil wear draped loosely over his legs. He looked so...normal.

Aloy shook her head and shrugged him off. Deciding that she was steady enough to give their breakfast another shot, she picked up the rabbit and resumed her task.

"I know I haven't been the best friend. I know I should have visited you in Meridian, even once. Just...please don't say anything like that to me ever again. I've lost a lot too."

"You have my word." He settled back, studying her. She was mildly surprised that he didn't seem to be the least bit queasy about the gory display in front of him. "Not that it's any excuse, but these unfortunate events have been beyond difficult for me. They've brought up many an ugly memory from my past. I didn't think I'd end up in this position again - my own hubris, I suppose."

"I don't think it's unreasonable to not expect total exile from your home twice in five years," she replied, laying the freshly cut meat over its skin. When she turned to him, it was with a tentative smile. "Now, if you could get my pack, I can cook us some breakfast."

Avad disappeared into the shelter, and when he returned, he was bearing her supplies, including the sealed canister of Blaze and flint that she used to quickly start and maintain fires. Carefully, Aloy dribbled the volatile fuel on to her collected kindling, and she struck her flint until a spark caught and a cheerful flame burst into life. As she waited for it to heat, she speared stringy chunks of rabbit meat on to whittled wooden skewers, then placed them over the coals. Soon, the enticing aroma of cooked meat permeated the air, and she removed the charred skewers, handing one to Avad.

"It's good," he said after tearing off a bite, eyes widening in clear surprise. Aloy snorted.

"I'm sure it's not what you're used to living in a palace, but I'm competant enough to cook a good cut of meat. It's most of my diet, after all."

"Of course. I didn't mean to imply you were anything but capable." 

They fell into an easy silence after that, chewing on the remainder of their respective meals. At one point Avad dug a small wheel of Banuk goat cheese from his bag, and Aloy accepted a few soft slices as a form of apology. Their breakfast complete, she smothered the fire and covered it with a thick layer of dirt to prevent the possibility of their movements being tracked, whether by Tenakth or other opportunistic vagabonds.

"I wasn't exactly thrilled with this arrangement either, you know," she said as she sat back, glancing over at the horizon. The sun had started its descent into the west, which meant it would soon be time to get back on the road.

"Despite everything, I'm glad to see you again," Avad said, giving her a small, shy smile when she looked at him in surprise. "I know, the circumstances could have been much better, but I wasn't sure if you'd ever come back to Meridian, and I was beginning to come to terms with that fact."

"I would have," she said uncertainly, then added, "Eventually. I had a lot of questions I needed answering."

"And did you find what you were looking for?"

Aloy sighed, picking at a clump of dried mud on her boot.

"No, and I think that really got to me. So much time away, and I had nothing to show for it. I didn't learn anything new about GAIA or any of the sub-functions beyond HADES, and they're still out there somewhere. That's what I was doing so far west in the first place."

"GAIA? Sub-functions?" The Sun-King had a bewildered look on his usually regal face and she almost broke out into laughter as she stood, dusting herself off.

"It's a long story," she said, offering him a hand up. A sense of relief rose in her chest as the remaining tension between them dissipated. "But we have to get packed up here, and I need to find us a fresh ride. I'll tell you on the way."

Avad grabbed her hand and pulled himself up, letting his warm grip linger.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to," he said in a low voice, his eyes soft. "But I'll listen to anything you have to say."

Aloy studied his kind amber eyes as something in her stomach fluttered. Unsure of what to say in response, she nodded after a moment, then finally dropped his hand and turned to begin packing with ruddy cheeks.

\--

Luckily, there was a sizeable herd of Striders nearby, and Aloy was easily able to override one before the rest of the skittish beasts fled. Post-Derangement, it had become much less of a risk to capture a machine, although stealth was still mandatory, and the combat-oriented ones could still quickly turn aggressive. If she was spotted by a vigilant Watcher, it could sound the alarm and cause a stampede.

"Why didn't you attempt to tame two?" Avad asked with a frown when she returned. "Surely I could have figured out how to ride on my own."

Aloy shook her head. "It would have taken too long, and right now, we need as much distance as possible. I'm not even sure it was a good idea to stay here as long as we have when we're still so close to the border."

"Well, once we're far enough west, you must teach me," he said, securing the last of their bags to the Strider's hindquarters before climbing up behind her and grabbing ahold of her waist.

Ignoring the flash of heat that shot through her like a fire arrow at his touch, Aloy huffed and urged the machine forward.

"Certainly, your Radiance," she said magnanimously, unable to keep the smile from her lips.

"Aloy, no, wait. I didn't mean-" When she began to shake with supressed laughter, he groaned. "Ah, you're teasing me."

"Of course I'll teach you," she laughed, raising her voice over the steady rhythm of the Strider's footsteps. "We'll be able to carry more that way."

"Ah, so I'm just a pack animal to you?" She could hear the gentle teasing in his voice, and it made her smile.

It had been a long time since she had laughed with another person. Being around Avad in these circumstances felt...freeing, Aloy realized. Underneath all of the pomp and circumstance of his god-king persona, he was just a kind, thoughtful man who was easy to talk to, even if he had a tendency to be overly verbose. She was surprised at how quickly she had gotten over his outburst at her, but then again, she understood exactly why it had happened. It didn't excuse it, but her heart ached when she considered everything he had been through in the past week, let alone the past several years.

Aloy tried not to think about what would happen when they eventually returned to Meridian, with all of its stiff protocol and gossiping nobility. Although she knew Avad was doing everything in his power to move the Carja towards total equality - she assumed this was still on his agenda, anyway - some aspects of his culture would always remain mired in tradition. The thought of not having this effortless banter sent a sick rush of despair through her, but she managed to supress it. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she made the decision that it was time to tell him about GAIA.

"Avad, a lot of what I'm about to tell you is going to be difficult to hear," she began carefully, already editing the story in her mind. No one beyond Sylens knew the extent of her connection to Elisabet, and she intended to keep it that way. "About GAIA, HADES, the other sub-functions, and their origins. It might...change your perception of the world."

"I meant what I said earlier," he said, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze. "I'm listening."

"I just don't want you to think that I'm making it all up, or that I've gone insane, or-"

He chuckled lowly. "You're a lot of things, Aloy, but insane isn't one of them."

So she told him, and true to his word, he sat behind her and absorbed all of it, asking the occasional question for clarification. More than once, she wished she could see his face, just to determine how he was processing the enormity of her story. When she reached the part about Ted Faro's total destruction of APOLLO, he tensed up behind her and tightened his grip on her waist.

"Tens of thousands of years of human knowledge gone in an instant, because of the actions of a single man. I cannot fathom the despair these Alphas felt, although I believe that I'm experiencing a small portion of it myself."

"Yeah, I felt the same," she sighed, running her fingers through her coppery hair in frustration. "Any hint of a remaining copy of APOLLO was a big part of what I was searching for. I had overheard rumors of an unusually intelligent machine located near an endless body of water far out west, but I figured it would be another dead end."

"I'm beginning to understand why you were gone for so long," Avad said, almost too quietly to hear. "The burden you must have carried...I wish I could have helped you bear it."

"What could you have done, though? You were busy - and rightfully so - with the rebuilding of Meridian. I wasn't going to take your attention away from that."

"I could have done exactly what I am doing right now. I would have always had a few minutes to speak with you, Aloy. I'm getting the sense that I'm the first person you've shared this with, and I can't imagine what it must have been like to keep this inside."

Aloy twisted around to look at him for a moment, but had to turn away again immediately. The concern and care on his face were almost blinding in their intensity. 

"I appreciate that, Avad. Truly. But this isn't the type of information I can trust just anybody with. It's kind of earth-shattering, and I didn't want to overwhelm you so soon after a life or death battle."

"And our situation now is better how?"

"Well, there's a lot more downtime, for one," she said, gritting her teeth. She knew what he was getting at with this line of conversation but wasn't ready to entirely admit that she might have made a misjudgement.

A warning ping shrilled in her ear, and she at once brought the Strider to a standstill. As her Focus activated, a couple of large blue energy signatures materialized.

"Aloy?" Avad leaned forward anxiously. "What's going on?"

"A new machine. Hold on," she said breathlessly, initiating the scan function. The analysis took longer than usual to pop up in her field of vision, but when it did, she sucked in a breath.

"It's something called a Rainback," she read. "Similar to a Bellowback, but it doesn't appear to be as equipped for combat beyond self-defense. Its primary function seems to be internal water purification and then transport to different locations for terraforming."

"Water is a scarce resource in the desert, and we have no idea how long we'll be out here or where the next source of potable water could be," Avad mused. "Do you suppose you could use it as a mount?"

Aloy turned and gaped at him.

"Yes...I mean, that's brilliant! It's larger than the usual machines I ride, but it seems like there's plenty of room to sit between the two water reservoirs on its back, and I'm sure it wouldn't be difficult to figure out how to extract clean water from it." A thought occurred to her, and she deflated a bit. "Unfortunately, I have no idea where its origin Cauldron is."

From behind them, a voice echoed in the dark.

"I might be able to help with that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no who could it be?!?!
> 
> These two cannot stay mad at each other omg, I swear they're so soft. They're both in a pretty bad place right now, especially Avad, and honestly, can you blame the poor guy?
> 
> Rainbacks are based on an extinct megafauna, camelops. Which were pretty much just big camels. Thanks to my husband for helping me flesh them out!
> 
> I'm probably going to be sticking to an update schedule of Sunday and Wednesday. I'm 4 chapters ahead right now and have a couple of later chapters written out, so as long as that continues, we're good.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and follow my Tumblr at kittleskittle. :)


	3. Mu Cauldron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags have been updated.

At the unexpected sound of another's voice, Aloy contorted herself to grab Avad and drag him off the Strider. Yanking him behind her protectively, she whirled around, only to be greeted with an irritatingly familiar smirk.

"Hello, huntress."

In front of her was the last person she would have expected to run into in such a desolate location, and she could only gape like a hooked fish for a few moments. During her self-imposed exile, Aloy had run into the man before her a couple of times, but hadn't seen him for the last year and a half. Eventually, she had assumed that he had either left for greener pastures or been struck down. 

Finally, she found her voice. "Nil? What the hell?"

"Ow," Avad offered helpfully, wincing as he rubbed his bicep. A brief stab of guilt needled at Aloy when she realized she had dragged him by his wounded arm, and she shot him an apologetic look.

Nil rolled his shoulders in a languid shrug, strolling up to them as if they had merely bumped into each other at the same fruit stall on the streets of Meridian.

"Nice to see you too, Aloy. I don't see why you're so confused - I'm only fulfilling my sworn duty and checking in with you and the Sun-King."

"Your sworn duty?" she asked blankly. " _You're_ Erend's contact?"

"Yes, yes. Who do you think gave him your location in the first place? I'm surprised he didn't tell you." Nil raised an eyebrow, but went on.

"With the bandit clans gone and our glorious battle over with, I was a Stormbird without prey, endlessly circling, in danger of breaking free from my own honor code. Fortunately, I impressed with my performance in the Battle of Meridian, so his Radiance here offered me work in the field, sniffing out threats to the throne and quelling them by any means necessary. I make it my business to know the location of every important person within Carja territory."

"Erend didn't seem exactly thrilled about working with you, Nil," Aloy deadpanned, side-eying Avad. "And you _really_ didn't need to sneak up on us like that."

"Yes, well, not many appreciate the art of killing the way you and I do, huntress. That pulse-pounding moment before the precisely aimed arrow hits its intended mark, the wet gush of crimson from a pierced-"

"Okay, Nil, I get it!" she said loudly. Avad covered his face with a hand.

"And so with the tantalizing promise of war on the horizon, I've been reassigned to messenger boy because of my tracking talents and experience in the Forbidden West." He actually looked disgusted by this but after a moment, grew thoughtful. "Although, you tend to be good at sniffing out the festering rot which infects our world. I suppose there's some good to be found in this situation after all."

"Let's get to the point," Aloy said tiredly, rubbing at her forehead. "What's the message you're here to deliver?"

"Not much of one. The Vanguard Captain wants you to continue westward. The Sundom was compromised from within at the highest levels, and he wants you to search for trustworthy allies." Boredom crept into his voice as he recited the missive. 

"Compromised from within at high levels? You're certain?" Avad interjected urgently, from behind Aloy.

"Oh, we're certain. One or more of your inner circle," Nil said, and Aloy was astonished to hear respect in his voice, of all things. She knew he appreciated the fact that Avad had given him another shot at life, but this seemed to go well beyond that. What exactly had happened while she had been away?

"Do we know any of the culpable parties yet?"

"No, but we'll flush them out, rats that they are," he replied, lips curling in a bloodthirsty sneer.

"So, how are we supposed to find allies in uncontacted tribes?" Aloy asked after a beat.

"That's simple. Mutual interest," Nil replied. "Our enemy is a greedy one, huntress, and there's plenty of evidence they have plans to expand their conquest further west in time."

"We mostly need supplies at this juncture," Avad added. "Losing Meridian has crippled us in that regard, but there will be no shortage of men and women willing to take up arms upon our return. I can't imagine the Tenakth being particularly benevolent masters."

"So much bloodshed with no honor." Nil shook his head. "I've heard many a rumor that there are even plans to return the Sun-Ring to its former purpose."

Aloy found herself pushed to the side as Avad rushed forward and desperately clutched at Nil's upper arms. His face had lost so much color that, for a brief moment, she became worried that he might actually pass out.

"Nil, you must tell Erend that his number one priority is to prevent that from happening, at any cost. Sabotage, assassination, whatever it takes, it has my approval. You cannot allow the Sun-Ring to be re-opened."

A feral grin slowly split his mouth, something resembling fond affection shining in his eyes. "With great pleasure, Your Radiance." Avad shuddered with a sigh of relief and let his arms fall to his sides again.

At that moment a low bellow resounded from the valley below, reminding Aloy of the original reason they had stopped.

"Nil, you said you knew something about a Cauldron?"

"I passed one of those structures you call a Cauldron a few miles back. I can guide you there before I depart, if you'd like."

"I would really like it if you could help me clear it of machines." His mouth opened to respond, but she put her hands up beseechingly before he could speak. "I know they're not you're preferred prey, but this is an unfamiliar area, and we've already run into one new machine. I have no idea what I'll find inside, so your assistance would be greatly appreciated."

"I was going to say that I would never turn down the precious opportunity to fight beside you again, huntress - it doesn't matter what our prey is. Witnessing the glory of your ferocious battle dance, or the cruel snarl that paints your face as you shoot down your hated enemies in a hail of arrows...these things are enough for me to be satisfied. I'm not ashamed to say that I've missed them dearly." His expression turned wistful.

"Um, okay, Nil." She had glanced at Avad with raised eyebrows as Nil went on yet another one of his strange, poetic monologues and was taken off guard by the deep frown and stormy eyes twisting his normally sunny features. She nudged her shoulder against his. "Avad, would you mind lying low while we search the Cauldron for the override? It won't take very long."

His eyes were shining with their usual kindness when he turned to face her fully, and she wondered if she had been imagining things.

"Of course, Aloy. Whatever you need."

\--

With then Sun-King safely tucked away in a copse of short, bushy trees, Nil's wickedly curved knife left behind for his protection, the pair made their way to the yawning entrance of what her Focus identified as Mu Cauldron. A familiar tingle of excitement sparked in Aloy's belly at the prospect of a brand new ancient space to explore. Ever since the fateful day she had fallen into the remains of a bunker as a child, undiscovered ruins had held a special kind of fascination for her, and she sought them out whenever possible. It had been far too long since she had a fresh find.

Once they were far enough inside, Aloy stopped momentarily, closing her eyes to listen for the telltale footsteps of patrolling machines. Nothing could be heard beyond the faint whistling of air rushing through the cavernous facility, so she motioned for Nil to follow behind her, and they ducked into one of the ubiquitous triangular maintanence shafts.

The follow-the-Focus'-directions part of Cauldron delving tended towards the tedious and boring, and grateful to have some company for once (even if it was Nil, with his _unique_ way of speaking), Aloy decided to strike up a conversation. 

"So, you and Avad are...what, friends now?"

"We've know each other for far longer than you might expect." He tapped at the tattoo beneath an eye. "See these? Time for a Carja history lesson, huntress. Under Jiran, only males born into nobility were permitted to receive _kasm_ once they came of age, while females used kohl and paints. One of the laws Avad amended, but it's still vanishingly rare outside of our class. So yes, while I don't have much of a need for friends, due to our respective stations, the Sun-King and I have a history."

"Huh. I guess you being nobility is pretty obvious, now that I think about it." She chewed at her lip, something still itching at the edge of her mind. "It's just that you two seem really familiar with each other."

"Well, I _was_ warming his bed before Meridian fell," Nil said nonchalantly, as if sleeping with the Sun-King were the most mundane subject in the world. "Woah there, huntress!"

Blood pounded hotly in Aloy's ears, her legs locking up and refusing to work as soon as as his words registered with her. Her abrupt stop caused Nil to run straight into her, and he had to grab her by the shoulders to steady himself. An ugly, unidentifiable feeling churned inside her guts, leaving her wondering why she was so affected by this. Avad's private affairs were none of her business.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, she looked back up to find Nil in front of her, studying her thoughtfully.

"Oh, I see."

"See what, Nil?" Her voice came out more irritated than she intended.

He only shook his head, an oddly sad expression flickering in his pale eyes. "Jealousy doesn't suit you, huntress. Regardless, you don't have any need for it."

She clenched her teeth so hard they ground together. "I am not jealous."

"It's painted all over your face, like a spray of fresh blood." His palm landed on the small of her back, and he pushed, urging her to resume walking. "It might surprise you that I have desires beyond those involving killing, but I've not had need for anything beyond the physical with him. Even if I had, you're the only one Avad holds in his heart."

Inexplicably, something like hope began to fill her, but before the feeling could be examined too closely, she mentally stomped it out like it was on fire. "You're a lot of things, Nil, but I've never known you to be a liar. People don't hold on to feelings for that long."

"Believe what you want. I won't lose sleep over it." He shrugged in that infuriating, non-committal way of his, but a sly look was spreading over his face like spilled oil. "Although, when you do make it into his bed, consider inviting me sometime. He's an extraordinarily giving lover, and I'd wager that you're as much of a firebrand as- "

An outraged snarl tore from her as she rounded on him, but it was her hard kick across his shins that ultimately silenced him.

"You're making it really difficult to not regret rejecting that fight to the death with you. Next time you make a comment like that, I'll be aiming for between your legs with my lance."

Silence descended upon them after that, and Aloy tried desperately not to stew on their conversation. Luckily for her, it didn't take long for them to discover a group of Watchers and Stalkers prowling along the floor of the assembly room. Crouching for a moment, she picked through her supply of ammunition and selected bundles of Chillwater-dipped frost arrows and razor sharp Hardpoint arrows, the combination her preferred method of dispatching the larger and faster machines. A hand gesture brought Nil to her side, and she pointed to one of the Watchers about to pass under their perch.

"I'll disable that one from above. Focus your fire on the Stalkers, specifically the dart guns between their shoulders and the mine launchers at their hindquarters. I can handle the rest."

He nodded. Several seconds later, the Watcher shuffled mechanically into an advantageous position. Flinging herself off the ledge with a war cry, she landed on top of it and speared it through in one powerful movement. It sputtered and died, and she wheeled on an alerted Stalker just as it slipped into active camouflage. A few of Nil's expertly aimed shots brought it back into visibility for a few moments, and she launched Freeze arrow after Freeze arrow at it, tracking its subtle movements with keen eyes, thankful that her partner had taken the initiative to distract their other enemies with needling arrows. It wasn't long before the Stalker in front of her came to a grinding halt, its hydraulics hampered by a thick coat of ice, and she mercilessly barraged it with Hardpoints until it let out a final metallic roar and was still.

At a warning shout from Nil, she turned and leapt out of the way moments before the other Stalker came barreling towards her, its wicked metal claws fully extended. She wasn't entirely fast enough; the beast managed to score deep, stinging claw marks into the delicate skin of her cheek. A noise of frustration hissed from her, and she swung her crackling lance directly at its optics, savagely pleased by the crunching sound the blow made. The machine howled discordently, and she took that moment to draw a Shock arrow, intending to build upon the electrifying effect of the lance. 

Nil, having made quick work of the other Watchers, circled around the Stalker with bared teeth, and as soon as it seized up with electricity, joined Aloy in bringing it to a swift end. A silly grin overcame her as the heady rush of adrenaline began to wear off, her chest heaving with exertion. She had forgotten just how fun fighting alongside a partner could be, especially someone as deadly and as capable as Nil.

The pad of his thumb suddenly slid across the side of her face, gathering some of the thick fluid dribbling from the gashes on her cheek. He studied the substance for a moment with an inscrutable expression.

"How fortunate I am to witness the spill of blood upon the canvas of your face," he said solemnly. "This is what suits you, huntress."

Aloy stared at him, her traitorous heart skipping a beat. 

"Well, time to press on," she said shortly after an awkward second, pushing past him. "We might need to do some climbing."

"Nothing I can't handle," was his casual response, and he fell in step behind her once again.

\--

Several winding passageways and frenetic battles later, Aloy was staring down at a massive beast contained within a shimmering force field. It looked less like a machine and more like a heavily armored hemisphere on four legs. A long tail swayed behind it, equipped with a series of razor-sharp, corkscrewed spikes. After a scan with the Focus, its was revealed to be something called a Knifetail, and three sets of machine guns positioned on the shell of its back lit up in yellow. The thinly armored belly also appeared to be a weak point, but it seemed like it would be difficult to expose. The only good news was that it appeared be extremely heavy and most likely slow-moving.

"This one looks like it'll be an actual challenge," Nil said, leaning forward eagerly.

"Yes, unfortunately," she said with a grimace. "We need to be careful, and most importantly, keep moving. Aim for the guns on its back, and if you can get a clear shot of its belly, take it."

Aloy took a deep breath and, letting go of all thoughts beyond those of battle, jammed her spear into the interface console. The shield around the Knifetail flickered, then died, and the platform shuddered and began its descent. Without waiting for it to reach the ground, Nil darted forward. Aloy cried out in protest, but rushed after him into the makeshift arena.

What followed was one of the most technically difficult battles Aloy had ever experienced. The machine's deadly tail had an enormous amount of reach, and despite an overall lack of speed, it could whip the appendage around at lightning speeds. It wasn't long before she took a brutal blow straight to the stomach, one of its spikes tearing a jagged gash into her under-armor. Gritting her teeth against the blinding pain, she continued to search for any opening she could.

But no matter the quantity or location of the arrows fired, they couldn't seem to get the Knifetail to show its underside. Breathing hard, she dodged yet another punishing strike of its tail and cringed as her stomach protested.

"This isn't working!" she yelled to Nil.

"I've got an idea!" he called back over the machine's roar. "If it swings that tail hard enough, we might be able to get it off-balance. Follow me!'

He broke out into a sprint, looking more than a little ridiculous as he ran circles around the Knifetail, but she bolted after him. Enraged, the beast snarled and, as Nil had predicted, flung its tail at them with so much force that its right legs lifted high enough off the ground for Aloy to get several damaging shots in. She allowed herself to relax a bit as sparks streamed from the holes her arrows had punched in the thin metal.

A few more rounds of the same strategy and finally, the Knifetail was collapsing to the ground with a clanging groan, but not before its tail gave one final spasm and clipped the side of Nil's head, tearing his feathered headdress clean off.

" _Fuck_!" he screamed, clutching at his head. "That was pinned on, you Sun-forsaken bastard!"

Aloy gawked at him.

"You have hair," she said stupidly.

"Yes, huntress, most people do," Nil said sarcastically, running his fingers through said hair with a wince. It was as black as Avad's and entirely shaved on the sides like Erend's, but pin-straight and long enough to be held back with a tie.

She shook her muddled head, then moaned and bent forward as a breathtaking cramp of pain rippled through her midsection. 

"Aloy?" Nil was looking at her oddly.

"I'm okay. Just let me load the new overrides on to my lance," she gasped out, the fact that he had used her actual name barely registering with her. She took a few staggering steps towards the waiting console.

"You're bleeding."

"I know," she snapped, blinking rapidly to clear the spots from her eyes. "You made me aware of that earlier."

Lurching forward with lance in hand, she connected it to the console and leaned against it gratefully.

"Just a minute, and we can start heading back," she panted, attempting a smile.

"Aloy, I don't think-"

The walls of the Cauldron spun around her, and Nil's panicked face filled her fading vision. She felt his arms close around her as she fell, then nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aloy, honey...:( 
> 
> A lot of this chapter was everyone being extremely jealous of each other, whether they accept it or not. My intention from the beginning was to make this a three-way mutual pining/slowburn, so there will be lots more of that in the next couple of chapters before we really get going with the overarching plot and brand new world building. There are a lot of multishipping hzd fics out there, but not many with m/m relationships/bisexual male characters/OT3 type dynamics, and I've loved every single one I've found so I wanted to add my own to the (very small) pile.
> 
> My boy Nil has appeared! He's been very, very slightly domesticated by having a real job for the past few years and hanging around Avad, but he still spent most of his time in the Sundom wilds, so not totally. I extrapolated on how he seems to get less weirdly feral the more he talks to Aloy in game, especially in the wake of refusing the duel. If you're wondering about his hair, think Sokka from AtLA. I figured he'd have a style similar to a lot of the Shadow Carja i.e., Helis, and I refuse to believe he's bald lmao.
> 
> I'm taking some major liberties with the Carja eye makeup/tattoos, but I'm a sucker for facial markings denoting family/clan/house ownership, so I went with it.
> 
> Knifetails are based on glyptodons, which were giant armadillos and actually kind of cute!
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! Follow me on Tumblr at kittleskittle!


	4. Wounded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Very brief mention of child abuse.

"...beyond reckless! How could you let this happen...what she means..."

"...should learn to handle yourself in a fight..."

"...could die...your pursuit of death and misery truly all that..."

"...she matters to me, more than...at least I...how can you claim to..."

A sputtering cough wracked her body, and her eyes bulged open as hot agony and nausea swam in her gut. She tried to sit up, finding that her muscles weren't quite responding, and choking panic seized at her throat. A warm hand caught hers, and Avad's worried face outlined by the morning light filled her vision. Dully, she realized that he was cradling her head in his lap.

"Aloy, hush, it's all right," he murmured, and she felt soothing fingers combing through her sweat-matted hair. "Try not to move, my dear."

"Wh-what-" Another cough tore out of her.

"That blow you took to the stomach was pretty bad, huntress. Almost disemboweled you. Wish you would have said something." Nil's terse voice, pinched with concentration, came from somewhere near her feet.

"Nil is stitching you up right now," Avad explained. "You must try to be as still as you can."

Despite trying her best to not move, with every stabbing jab of the needle, she jerked.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, hot tears of pain and shame rolling down her cheeks.

"Oh, Aloy," Avad said, his voice breaking on her name. "There's nothing to apologize for. 

"Almost done," Nil gritted out. "Believe me, you're doing much better than many of the soldiers I've fixed up."

There was one last unpleasant thrust of the needle, a pull of tension, and then nothing but a dull throb as he tied and cut the thread.

"Here, hold her up for a moment," Nil instructed, and Avad inched her up his chest meticulously. A moan of discomfort still escaped her.

"Just this one last task," Avad promised, "and then you can sleep."

Nil's somber expression swam in her vision, and he brought a hot cup of something to her lips. "Drink this. It tastes like hot boar shit, but you've lost a lot of blood, and this will help replenish it. It should help you sleep too."

Taking a mincing sip, Aloy immediately gagged but managed to down the entire foul beverage without vomiting. Easing her back down on to something soft, Avad covered her carefully with her cloak, and she could feel her eyes already starting to droop. 

"Don't leave me alone," she said, with some effort. Her body felt as if it had been submerged in the warmest pool of water, and time had slowed to a trickle. "If I die, I don't...I don't want to be alone."

"There's no need for dramatics, huntress. You're not entirely out of the woods yet, but I don't believe you're going to die," Nil said, his voice sounding faintly amused. The cloak was pushed aside for a moment, and something wet and cold pressed against her stomach.

"By the Sun, Nil!" Avad snapped, sounding distant as she struggled to maintain consciousness. A gentle hand laid on her brow, and her eyes finally closed. "Sleep, Aloy. I'll stay by your side, and I'll be here when you wake."

With a soft sigh of relief, she stopped struggling, and unconsciousness claimed her once more.

\--

When Aloy came to again, it was was dark, and the soft nickers and heavy stomps of her Strider could be heard nearby. A crackling fire danced merrily beside her, and a vast canopy of towering pine trees swaying gently in the wind came into focus overhead. Gingerly, she rolled to one side and came face to face with a sleeping Avad.

"Good evening. You've been out for a day and a half now," Nil said cheerfully from his place by the fire. He rolled his shoulders and sent a pointed glance at the Sun-King. "If you're curious about his Luminance here, he refused to leave your side, fought sleep for as long as possible, and generally made my life miserable until he finally passed out a couple of hours ago."

Aloy said nothing, but her chest suddenly ached almost as much as her stomach. With trembling fingers, she reached out to tuck an errant curl behind his ear. At that moment, she felt keenly how undeserving she was of both Avad's endless kindness and Nil's expert care, and her throat closed up. 

A shiver rippling over her skin saved her from spiraling into another fit of guilt, however, and she froze. A bandage stuffed with a wet blend of herbs was wrapped around her midsection, but otherwise...

"Nil," she said slowly, "where are my clothes?"

"I couldn't exactly perform field surgery on you while you were still wearing them," he said matter-of-factly. At her stony look, he put his hands up. "Don't worry, huntress, your modesty is intact. Avad refused to look, and I'm a professional. I was more concerned with you bleeding out all over me than ogling you."

She nodded, reluctantly accepting his explanation, and, sitting up, drew her cloak fully around her shoulders. A crease wrinkled her brow.

"Thank you, Nil," she said, hesitant. "You saved my life."

"A debt repaid," he said simply. At her questioning look, he continued. "You saved my life the moment you refused to duel with me. You didn't know it then, but the stinging cut of your rejection set me upon a better path. That, and I've seen what you're capable of. I acknowledge that I would have lost."

"Yeah, you definitely would have," she said, a grin pulling at her lips. Nil regarded her for a moment with those eerie grey eyes, then leaned over the fire.

"Unfortunately for you, it's time for another round of tea. No sedatives this time."

Aloy groaned, but accepted the steaming cup. As she sipped at the disgusting brew, her gaze slid back to Nil.

"So, what was your childhood like? I can't imagine someone like you being comfortable among the Carja nobility."

He huffed out a disbelieving laugh. "Really? We're having _this_ conversation?" At her scowl, he rolled his eyes, but relented. 

"It wasn't all horrible. I enjoyed parts of it, particularly the breadth of the education I was afforded among the Sun Priests, although being stuck in Meridian among so many people chafed at me. I've always been called to the artistry of violence, found the beauty in the scatter of blood from a well-placed cut from a young age." A dark shadow passed through his eyes, and he jabbed at the fire with more force than necessary. "My father wasn't exactly thrilled with the way his heir had turned out, and he made his disappointment bruisingly clear on a daily basis. When I was eight years old, my mother passed away in childbirth, and my only means of protection was suddenly gone."

"Nil, I'm so sorry, I didn't-" 

"It's far away in the past, huntress," he said bluntly, waving her off. "Don't waste your precious sympathy on me. As soon as I came of age, I ran away and joined Jiran's army, and I think you know the basics of my story from there."

"How did you and Avad meet?" she asked, sensing that it was time to change the subject.

He shrugged, but his expression grew thoughtful, with a touch of wistfulness. "We studied at the Sun Temple together, as all noble boys do after a certain age. The girls now, too, thanks to Avad, and he's been pushing to make that education available to everyone regardless of social status. Back when Kadaman was still alive and expected to be the one to assume the throne, Avad had much more freedom afforded to him. He was the only person I could stand to be around for any length of time without wanting to kill. He's always had a good head on his shoulders, and he stayed my hand many times when the other boys taunted me. I think having monsters for fathers bonded us in a way, and we did our best to protect each other."

"And how did the two of you...you know..."

"How did we end up fucking?" At Aloy's scandalized expression, Nil threw back his head and laughed. "Oh please, huntress, don't look so offended. We're all adults here. Let's just say that heavy hearts, nostalgia, and an overabundance of wine can lead to interesting places."

"He's having a hard time with all of this, you know," she said quietly, setting her cup down.

"Of course I know," he said with a look of confusion, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. She supposed for a childhood friend turned lover, it would be. A twisted snarl of the emotion Nil had wrongly identified as jealously coursed through her, and she had to take a steadying breath.

"Regardless of your opinions about the luxuries his position of Sun-King affords him, Avad hasn't had an easy life," Nil continued. "His mother died when he was barely old enough to walk, most likely murdered by her own husband, and he had to watch as his beloved older brother was slaughtered in front of him in the Sun-Ring. Instead of letting it destroy him, he ran straight into enemy territory, mustered a rebellion on charisma alone, killed the father he still loved despite everything, and took on a throne for which he was in no way prepared. Then, when things were finally starting to work out for once, he lost his first love to a terrorist and faced the destruction of his home by the the remnants of his father's army." He paused here and leveled a serious look at Aloy.

"It's nothing short of a miracle he hasn't turned into another Jiran. If he had inherited a single drop of his personality from the Mad King, well..."

"He's...he's a good man, and that's putting it lightly," she said with a lump in her throat, looking away. "I don't deserve his kindness."

"Neither of us do, huntress, but in your case, it goes far beyond mere kindness," Nil said, and when she shot him a skeptical look, his eyes were somewhere far away. "I'll never forget that look of disappointment in his eyes when I came before him to answer for my crimes. At the time, he was the only person for whom I had ever felt anything beyond distant apathy. I didn't regret what I had done, but I did regret hurting him. It was like being gutted by my own blade, an excruciating shame I had never before experienced. Two years at Sunstone Rock were nothing approaching what I deserved. Anyone else would have condemned me to death."

"And I haven't regretted my decision for a single moment, Sahad," a quiet voice said from beside Aloy, and she glanced over to see Avad sitting up beside her with a rueful, tired smile. With a start, she realized that he had, due to exhaustion or something else, used what was likely Nil's birth name. A long look passed between the two men, and Aloy suddenly felt as though she was intruding on something very private.

"Aloy," he said after a beat, turning to her and grasping her hand. "I'm relieved to see you finally awake. How are you feeling?"

The pang of guilt, along with the soft fluttering feeling she was increasingly associating with him, returned. "My stomach aches like I've been trampled underneath an entire herd of Grazers, but I think I can manage."

"And if I could take some of the burden of that pain, I would," Avad said sincerely, before he turned and picked up a bundle of cloth at his side. A faint splash of crimson warmed his cheeks. "Your clothes. I, ahem, washed and sewed everything as best as I could. Will you need assistance dressing?"

"You can sew?" she blurted out, shooting a fiery glare at Nil when he snickered. "And, um, I think I can manage."

"Sewing is but one of the skills I learned during my first exile from Meridian," he said, moving to stand. "Nil, walk with me. Let's allow Aloy some privacy so she can dress. Call for us if you end up requiring any help."

The pair left the clearing, and Aloy waited a couple of minutes before letting the warm cloak fall from her shoulders. The chill of the night air nipped at her exposed skin, and as hurriedly as she could without aggravating her wound or tearing any of Nil's precise stitches, pulled on her clothes. The smell of something familiar and musky-sweet clung to them, and she instantly recognized the scent of what must have been Avad's soap. With a furtive glance towards the direction the men had walked, she brought her forearm to her nose, and closing her eyes, inhaled. A wave of comfort washed over her.

"I've lost my mind," she muttered to herself, then called out, "Hey, guys? I'm done!"

She waited for a few minutes, and when no response came, gave a frustrated sigh and painstakingly limped off into the woods after Nil and Avad. It wasn't long before she saw movement and started to step forward, but stopped short as the sound of heated voices reached her ears.

"Of course they're arguing again," she said under her breath, and with only a small amount of shame at her eavesdropping, leaned forward curiously to listen.

"-exactly did you tell her?" came Avad's frustrated voice, and she could hear his pacing footsteps.

"Only the truth of your feelings, because you will not."

"You will do well to leave my business with Aloy alone in the future!"

"You know very well what is awaiting you back in Meridian. Do you really want to resign yourself to that life?"

A moment passed, and when Nil spoke again, his voice sounded almost disappointed.

"I see you still haven't learned anything from Ersa's death. Well, if you won't-"

An enraged snarl echoed through the trees.

"Do not defile her name by speaking it with your filthy tongue!"

"You seemed to like my 'filthy tongue', as you so eloquently put it, well enough when it was wrapped around your-"

" _Enough_."

The strength of the venom in that single word was enough to make Aloy recoil. It was at that moment she decided to intervene, because she was certain that if she let their squabble go on for much longer, fists would be thrown. Squaring her shoulders, she purposely let her feet fall as hard and haphazardly as possible. A cringe shuddered through her as every instinct she had for stealth protested.

"Aloy?" came Avad's voice, full of soothing calm. It was so far from his tone just moments ago that she had to suppress an incredulous laugh.

"I called for you two, and no one came," she said, a touch of irritation creeping into her words.

"My apologies, we were-"

"Arguing," Nil cut in, strolling up to her with his usual lazy gait. As Avad opened his mouth to protest, he shrugged. "No point in lying about it. Aloy's a big girl. She can handle the truth."

He took her arm, pulling her several feet away from the Sun-King.

"I know you heard most of that," he said lowly.

"No, I just-"

"You're not as quiet as you think you are, huntress."

At her outraged sputter, he smirked and pushed past her, raising a suggestive eyebrow before continuing back to their camp.

Before she could respond, Avad came to her side and offered her his arm. She wrinkled her nose at him.

"I thought it would be best if you had some assistance getting back," he explained as she clasped her hand over it. "You shouldn't be on your feet just yet."

A prickly thorn of irritation needled in her chest.

"I wouldn't have been walking anywhere if you two hadn't been too busy having yet another spat to come when I called."

"I'm sorry," he sighed, carding his fingers through his curls. "Our friendship is contentious at times."

"That's an understatement," she said with a snort. Still, she became thoughtful. "We talked about his childhood, and yours, I guess. He seems to care about you a lot."

"Yes, and I care for him," Avad acknowledged with a frown. "But you know how...uniquely difficult he can be."

"You have no idea," she said with an exasperated roll of her eyes, and they fell into an easy silence the rest of the way back. When they reached the clearing, Nil was bent over the fire, tending to three slabs of boar meat sizzling atop a bed of leafy greens.

"So, what's the plan?" Aloy asked with a wince as Avad lowered her back down on to her bedroll. He settled beside her, bringing his knees to his chest.

"I was supposed to be on my way back to the Sundom by now, but it seems like that will have to wait until your wound has had more time to heal," said Nil. When she began to argue, he held up a finger.

"Huntress, my duty is to protect my king at all costs. The Captain will understand, especially once I bring him news of your injury."

"You don't have to tell Erend about this," she said anxiously, rolling one of her hair beads in her fingertips. "I don't want him to worry."

"Let me make this clear. We are at war, which you have little experience with, and any information, even if it seems inconsequential, is more valuable than a Thunderjaw heart. He must be informed, especially if it affects our strategy going forward."

"He's right, Aloy," Avad said, dropping a hand to her knee. Her skin tingled where he touched her.

"For now, we will continue lying low," Nil went on. "Finding the protection of this forest was dumb luck, a poorly aimed arrow puncturing the heart only because the target moved just so, and I intend to take advantage of it."

"How long?" asked Aloy after a breath.

"I'd wager you'll be recovered enough for travel in about ten days, at which point I'll remove your stitches, and we'll part ways."

"Ten days!" she cried, leaning forward just a hair too quickly. Her gut screamed in protest, and she let out a soft whimper.

"Thank you for making my point for me," Nil deadpanned, fishing the metal slab which held their meal out of the fire with his knife. He handed both her and Avad a delicious-smelling portion on a set of travel plates, and she dug in, if somewhat sulkily. 

"In the meantime," he said after swallowing a bite of his own meal, "I have some ideas as to how we can occupy our time productively. You," he pointed his knife at Avad, "are going to learn how to fight."

"I've been learning the art of battle since I could hold a blade-"

Nil shook his head. "No, I mean _really_ fight, not that Sun-cursed sword flailing shit the King's Guard taught you. With instruction like that, it's no wonder you never learned how to truly defend yourself. If I'm going to leave you two alone out in the wilderness, I need to be certain you're capable of defending yourself and Aloy, so you're going to learn how to use a knife and a bow. Properly. I won't see you gutted like she nearly was."

Avad sighed, but didn't say anything else.

"What about me?" Aloy asked, setting aside her cleaned plate. 

"Nothing."

She raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to elaborate.

"You are going to do nothing, huntress. You are going to sit there, relax, and heal."

"But-"

"You cannot protect the Sun-King if you are not fit to fight," he said shortly, leaving no room for argument. "Now, I'm going to go and refill our water skins. I'd advise getting some sleep."

"I hate to admit it, but I'm already feeling kind of exhausted," Aloy said after he left, rubbing at her eyes with her palm. "I guess Nil does have a point."

"An irritating one, but I would trust him with my life in matters of war and survival," Avad said, guiding her into a supine position. He tucked her cloak in around her, then smoothed his fingertips over her hair, letting them drop down to her cheek.

"Avad?"

He continued his gentle ministrations, stroking the space between her eye and her cheek, those infinitely soft brown eyes meeting hers. "Yes?"

"Thank you for staying next to me while I was unconscious," she whispered. "Aside from Rost, I...I haven't ever had someone care enough to do something like that for me before."

A sad smile pulled at his lips, and he leaned over her. For one pulse-pounding second she thought he was going to kiss her, but he only pushed a stray lock of hair out her face, then pulled away. "I'll always endeavor to be there for you when you need me to be. Sleep well, Aloy."

Her heart was still beating erratically as she turned to her side, and she spent the rest of her time awake trying to shake a cloying feeling of disappointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the beginning of a couple of chapters of down time, which means character growth and drama(my bread and butter, lol). Aloy needs to heal and spend some time with the boys, and that apparently involves being a feral gremlin and sniffing at her clothes because they smell like Avad.
> 
> If you're curious about where they are on the map, I've taken a few geographical liberties(they did it in the game too okay), and they're currently in the re-terriformed, bigger and better Manti-La Sal National Forest in Utah.
> 
> More backstory about Nil and Avad! Nil is indeed a couple of years older than him, but not so much that they wouldn't be in the same age group for Carja noble school. Seriously, I cannot for the life of me figure out how old anyone is in this game. Aloy is canonically 19 in the game, 22 in this story, and Avad looks pretty young, but I have no absolutely idea about Nil. For the purposes of this story, he's only a bit older than Avad.
> 
> I think it's easy to forget that Nil was a soldier at one point, which means at least some level of military discipline, and that's been sharpened from the past few years he's been working for Avad. 
> 
> I feel like it's a good time to mention that I am very go big or go home when it comes to romance especially, so while this is definitely a slow burn, when it happens, it's very self-indulgent and there's a lot of it. Example: I've already written out three entire chapters of just smut and fluff, so you've got that to look forward to. Eventually.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! I've posted some pretty neat hzd fanart on my Tumblr at kittleskittle (search for the tag my art), so check it out if you haven't!


	5. Knives and Poetry

The next afternoon began with Nil guiding them to a wide, grassy meadow. As Aloy watched from her perch on a mossy boulder, she reflected on what he had said the night before about the Sun-King's previous combat training. It was quickly becoming apparent that the soldier had been correct in his assessment - Avad had absolutely no idea what he was doing. 

Both men were stripped down to their trousers, and Nil was in the midst of yet again rearranging Avad's grip on a curved blade.

"No. Grip the base of the blade itself. As I explained before, it's unsharpened and won't hurt you."

Avad blew out a frustrated breath. "It just seems like I won't get the same amount of leverage I would from holding the handle-"

"You will," Nil said firmly, sliding Avad's fingers up. "Most importantly, this specific grip allows for the most accuracy possible, and you need every drop you can get. Now, let me see your stance again."

Almost as soon as he slid into the wide-legged position, Nil was shaking his head.

"No, no. Straighten your back, but keep it relaxed. Keep your body low." He made a few adjustments, then stepped back and studied him for a moment. "Good. Now, hold it until I say so."

He turned and sauntered over to Aloy, who was regarding him through narrowed eyes.

"Yes, huntress?"

"I don't see what the point of this is. How much can you possibly teach him in ten days?"

"At least the basics," he said, leaning against the boulder. "You can pick up where I leave off."

"I don't know the first thing about knife fighting!"

"You're watching, aren't you?" He raised his eyebrows, then without any warning, flung a small, serpentine blade towards her. Her hand snapped up automatically and caught it at the base. 

"Nil, what the hell!" she shrieked, hurling it straight back at his face. He grabbed it out of the air and, with an unnecessary flourish, attached it back to his belt.

"See? You're a natural."

"Aloy, is everything all right?" came Avad's worried voice.

"Everything's fine, Avad," Aloy called back. "Except, you know, Nil threw a _knife_ at me!"

A moment passed, and then-

" _Nil_!" The Sun-King's voice was full of furious exasperation, and Nil shook his head at her, an amused smirk tugging at his lips.

"Ah, ah, your Radiance," he said with light disapproval. "I didn't say you could move."

A grunt escaped Avad, and Aloy could see that his straining muscles were already trembling with exertion, his golden-brown skin coated in glimmering beads of perspiration. The effect was a rather pleasing one, if she was being honest, and she stared for a minute before unconsciously biting at her lip and looking away.

"Now who's ogling?" Nil said, arching a brow.

"Shut up," Aloy gritted out. "I can appreciate a well-crafted physique."

"What, no love for me?" he gasped at her glower, and clasped at his chest. "Cruel huntress, you wound me once more."

With an annoyed sigh, she crossed her arms over her chest, staring a hole into his back as he went to finally release Avad from his crouched position. What Nil didn't know was that she _did_ find him very attractive, and it irritated her to no end. As he circled around the Sun-King and explained awareness of the body in relation to space, she couldn't help but compare the two. 

Nil's body was bigger and bulkier than Avad's, the resistance of his bowstring honing his powerful muscles to perfection, and his sharp features accented by those piercing grey eyes were coldly handsome. She briefly wondered how his inky hair would fall if she freed it from its tie. 

But Avad's leanness brought with it a certain kind of capable grace and hinted at high levels of flexibility. The artisocratic elegance of his face contrasted beautifully with his warm amber eyes, which always held such fondness for her. Sometimes she wished she could brush her fingers through those curls of his to see if they were as soft as they looked. 

She shifted as warmth spread through her body, frowning.

It wasn't that Aloy didn't understand what was happening. The Nora had never shied away from sexuality, viewing it as just another natural function of the human body. There was no shame in finding the appearance of another person pleasing, and she had admired many men and women in her travels. What bothered her about her current situation was that not only was she constantly surrounded by two of the most attractive men she knew, but she had also caught herself daydreaming about activities beyond the purely physical. The urge to lean against a broad chest and be held, the thought of interlacing her fingers with another's, even the pleasant idea of waking up curled into the hard plane of a body - ever since Avad had come back into her life, these scenarios were all creeping into her thoughts with more and more frequency. 

Even if she had wanted to pursue one of the men, her embarrassing lack of experience and, more noteably, guilt held her back. She seriously doubted that either Avad or Nil would be interested in an unexperienced woman who had run away and avoided everyone she knew for three years. Besides, Nil was very...Nil, and she wasn't sure how a relationship with him would even work. By all accounts, his only interests appeared to be killing, poetry about killing, and sometimes sex.

Avad, on the other hand...she was beginning to accept that maybe, just maybe, Nil had a point about her being jealous. She could even acknowledge that the Sun-King may have previously had some sort of romantic interest in her, even outside of his confused feelings in the wake of Ersa's death. But regardless of what Nil had claimed to know about Avad's state of mind, she was confident that such feelings no longer existed. And even if they did, even if she was deserving of them, what options did she have? They were as good as fugitives at the moment. It wasn't the time to be chasing after silly dalliances like romance or sex.

Aloy was so wrapped up in her thoughts, she didn't notice that Avad was stumbling towards her until he collapsed bodily against the rock, chest heaving with exertion. With a start, she realized that quite some time had passed, and it was growing too dark to see. 

"Nil seems to be a strict teacher," she said sympathetically.

"You have no idea," he moaned, desperately trying to catch his breath. "I now believe my tutors at the palace were holding back for fear of offending me."

"Well, it's only for ten days."

"And then I shall have you as an instructor," he said with a slight smile, the strain beginning to diminish from his words. "I look forward to it. I'm sure you will be kinder."

"Oh, no," she said. "I'm much worse."

She giggled at his defeated groan, and when he held out a sweaty hand to help her down, she took it. As soon as her feet touched the ground, he offered her an arm to lean on, a routine that was quickly becoming familiar.

"Does it bother you?" he asked after a moment, as they started on the short walk back to the camp.

"Does what bother me?" 

"I know you're accustomed to being on your own, and your self-sufficiency is a source of great pride for you. As it should be." He hesitated, looking down at her. "But you must understand that aiding you like this is no trouble for me."

"When someone is injured, they shouldn't turn down help," she said, shrugging. "I may be stubborn, but I'm not stupid, so no. It doesn't bother me at all."

"Ah. Good," he said, but he glanced away for a moment with a furrowed brow. "It's just that...Aloy, I cannot stop thinking about what might have happened if you had been alone."

"Well, I probably would have died," she said matter-of-factly, turning to him in question when he abruptly stopped walking.

"And that is what terrifies me," he said quietly, brushing his fingers over hers. "Three years without your light, and I almost lost you again."

"I wouldn't have been so reckless if I'd been alone," she insisted. "I thought Nil and I could handle it."

"All I ask is for you to be careful," he said, sorrow etching deep lines into his face. "I've lost too many of the people I've cared about, and I couldn't bear to lose you too."

"Avad, I can't promise that I'll never put myself in danger. It's kind of my life." At his crestfallen look, she squeezed his hand comfortingly. "But I can promise that I'll do my best to be smarter about _what_ danger I choose to engage with."

"Thank you, my dear," he breathed, and then he was pressing his forehead against hers and holding her face between his hands. "That's all I ask."

Tilting her head up, Aloy's lips parted, and he drew so close she could feel the soft caress of his breath against her face. She inhaled; he smelled of sweat and potent male musk, so unlike his normal scent, but equally wonderful. Just a few more inches, and-

A crashing through the undergrowth had them springing apart like guilty teenagers, and Nil stalked out of the trees, looking between them and frowning.

"I was wondering where the two of you got off to. I heated some water for your tea, huntress, and for you to cleanse yourselves." He wrinkled his nose. "Especially you, your Radiance."

Avad cleared his throat and, without sparing another glance at Aloy, began walking back towards the camp in long strides. She made to follow him, but Nil grabbed her arm, shaking his head.

"We should give him some privacy," he said, stepping in front of her. Yet another impish grin was spreading over his face. "Unless you'd like to see him disrobe, and judging by this afternoon-"

"Not in the mood, Nil," she snarled. "Can you just, for once, shut up?" Crouching, she wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to calm down, to slow her racing thoughts. Her wound throbbed in hot protest, but she ignored it.

Nil crouched beside her, and just as she was about to tell him to _go away_ , for All-Mother's sake, he spoke, and his voice was surprisingly gentle.

"Heartsick, huntress?"

"No," she said, but without much conviction.

"Liar," he said, his pale eyes pinning her down with so much intensity that she forgot how to breathe for a moment.

"I'm just-everything is so hard right now," she said, gritting her teeth in annoyance at how whiny she sounded. "Why does everything always come back to me? It feels like I was only buying myself time before yet another world-ending crisis was thrust on to my lap. Avad is my...friend, and I'm glad to be helping him, but I wish things were different. I wish I had time to catch my breath, to spend time with people outside of the threat of war."

"That's the problem, isn't it?" he sighed, putting his hand on her shoulder. She leaned into it. "They could have been different. You could have come back to Meridian at any time. I, of all people, understand the compulsion to be on your own, to live by your wits, to scrape the stink of people off. But you're not that much like me, and you put off coming home for far too long. Why?"

"Don't you think I know that?" she said, tears stinging her eyes. "I remind myself that I could have come back, every single day. But I let everyone, including myself, down."

"Why?" he repeated.

"Because I was ashamed!" she cried out, burying her face in her hands. "I don't know how to be a good friend. I don't know how to be close to another person, even though I've wanted that connection, craved it since I was a child. All of a sudden, so many people liked me for me, wanted to be around me. I didn't know what to do with any of it. So I stayed away, and eventually, so much time had passed that my guilt over my absence prevented me from coming back anyway. I got exactly what I wanted, and then I ran away because I got scared." A bitter, watery laugh escaped her. "Why are you doing this, Nil? Is making people break down like this another one of your sick pleasures?"

"No, Aloy," he said quietly, a sneer curling his lips. "Seeing you like this makes me want to kill something, in fact." He took a deep breath, the lines smoothing from his face. "But for someone like you, holding these emotions inside only bloats your heart like a putrid corpse. If that pressure isn't relieved somehow, it will eventually explode, and it won't be a pretty sight."

"That's disgusting," she said with a startled laugh, but the raging storm of emotions within her calmed somewhat as she considered his words. "But...there's truth there. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you have a point."

"Of course I do." With a frown, he straighted his legs and offered her a hand up. She accepted, and after a brief struggle, stood beside him. "Why do you think so many people want to be around you, huntress? It's not only because of your beauty or deadly skill."

She tried to protest, but he placed a finger against her lips.

"No. You need to learn to accept what you are. You are one of the most splendidly beautiful creatures I have ever seen, and your skill with the bow is unmatched. These things are the truth." His blunt words, as usual, took her off guard, and she felt her face warming. "But past that, beyond the superficial, you are a nauseatingly good person. You go out of your way to help those who need it, even if it's inconvenient for you, even if I don't understand it. You inspire everyone who meets you, including me, to be the best possible version of themselves. If that's not enough, you are one of two people who I have not wanted to instantly murder upon meeting, and you hold the other of those two in high regard. Why not yourself?"

"I-I don't know," Aloy said softly. "It's not that simple-"

"Think about it," he said, and, eyes still trained on hers, he brought her wrist to his lips, giving it a gentle kiss. A shiver tore through her, and she stared at him, open-mouthed.

"Nil, what-"

"Think about what I said, huntress," he insisted, tugging at their still-joined hands. "Come. I assume Avad is long finished by now, and you have tea to drink."

He kept her hand clasped in his the entire way back to their camp, and she told herself it was for the same purpose as Avad offering her his arm, to help her walk. When they entered the clearing, the fire was roaring brightly, and a clean and fully-clothed Sun-King was gazing broodingly into the dancing flames. He was _singing_ of all things, his voice low, but as clear and smooth as a ribbon of honey falling from a spoon. She dropped Nil's hand and stepped forward.

" _Oh my love, your hands, they hold the Sun, and I shall adorn your fine fingers with jewels_ -"

He glanced up at them, his voice faltering. 

"Ah. Where have you two been?"

"The huntress needed a pep-talk," Nil said casually, prying open a container of dried herbs and sprinkling a portion into Aloy's cup. 

"Avad, your voice, it's..." She trailed off as he rose and helped her sit beside him. "You can sing too?"

"I think it would surprise you more to learn that Nil can as well," he chuckled, eying the soldier.

"Part of your education?" she questioned, accepting the cup from Nil.

"Have you ever heard the Songs to the Sun, Aloy?" Avad asked, a wave of longing washing over his face. Something in her chest squeezed when she realized he was probably homesick. "Three times a day, the Sun Priests raise their voices to the Sun, to call the Carja to prayer. The Meridian priesthood train for years to attain their unearthly voices, and it was a privilege to learn the art from such masters."

"I suppose there's beauty to be found in certain melodies," Nil remarked, looking bored. "But I prefer poetry, the great war epics."

"I'd like to hear one," she blurted out.

"Oh? Then we must oblige the lady." Avad stood and tilted his head at Nil, who glared at him.

"No."

Avad shrugged and drew in several long, deep breaths of air. He began to speak:

"Bold Iriv went marching  
A long and mighty jaunt  
Once, twice, his army all  
He could not cross the Daunt.

But Iriv, sights set far  
To chase the Sun home west  
A third attempt he did make  
Past Basadid's protests.

O cursed land it was  
For Iriv was now lost  
Army gone and vanished  
What great and heavy cost!

Basadid spoke in grief -  
Nevermore will men quest  
Beyond fair Carja lands  
To the Forbidden West."

"Wow," was all Aloy could get out when he finished. Nil huffed out a disgruntled laugh and began sharpening his blade, perhaps with a little more vigor than necessary. "That was...really good."

"Thank you, my lady," Avad said graciously, bowing in such an over-exaggerated fashion that she couldn't help but laugh.

"Made me feel like I was back in Second Hour," Nil muttered, cursing colorfully when his knife slipped from the whetstone. 

"So, Iriv, one of your Sun-Kings...what, disappeared?" she asked after a moment. 

"Yes. He was the sixth, and he earned his title of Bold Iriv for his adventurous nature," said Avad, dragging over a bedroll to sit on. "As you heard from the poem, he tried to cross the Daunt with his army three times, and on the third attempt, disappeared without a trace. His brother Basadid, who succeeded him, was heartbroken, and forbade the Carja from entering the Forbidden West, ordering the construction of Sunfall and numerous gate-houses at our borders."

"I wonder what happened to them," she murmured, wrapping her arms around her knees. "An entire army doesn't just disappear like that."

"These things happened many, many years ago. Much has been forgotten or romanticized, I'm certain." Though, Avad's expression grew thoughtful. "We're told many stories about the horrors of the Forbidden West - tribes of machine blood-drinkers, strange landscapes, a submerged city in a vast lake - although I'm confident most is either fable or exaggeration."

"Let's hope so," Aloy said under her breath. The group fell into comfortable silence after that, but she couldn't stop the uneasy feeling that slithered up her spine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aloy is extremely thirsty in this chapter and not super happy about it, which was great to write lmao
> 
> Nil's knife fighting style is based on silat, an Indonesian style, and the stance he has Avad in is called the horse stance. Students should be able to hold this for a minimum of ten minutes(new students used to be trained to hold it for hours though!).
> 
> The song Avad is singing is, of course, based on "Your Hand of Sun and Jewels", the traditional Carja song from the hzd soundtrack. As far as the poem goes, it's basically just Iriv's lore entry arranged into verse. I haven't written any poetry since college and I'll leave it at that lol
> 
> Next chapter is when we really get into the good stuff in terms of worldbuilding, and I'm really excited!! Thanks for reading!


	6. The Valley of Machines

Despite Aloy's initial reservations about holding off on their travels for her to heal, the next several days passed quickly. Nil removed the stitches in Avad's arm on the third day and relentlessly continued his combat instruction. The Sun-King was improving by leaps and bounds, and towards the end of the week, he was ready to start tutelage with the bow. Aloy was secretly relieved, as it gave her something to do beyond sitting and observing, and he at least had some instruction in archery as a boy. He proved to be a quick study, and although he would never reach the level of skill of her or Nil, he would soon be competent enough to defend himself in a pinch. 

Spending so much downtime with the two men had been an interesting experience for Aloy. Although the threat of danger loomed over their every action, it was one of the first times she could recall being in such close quarters with anyone else for such an extended period of time since Rost. As a result, she had picked up on their quirks, little aspects of their personalities she otherwise wouldn't have. 

Nil snored loudly, and she wryly wondered if the name "The Voice of Our Teeth" applied to more than just his bow. He was obsessed with cleanliness and order and could reliably be found organizing their campsite or nagging at her and Avad to pick up after themselves. He made an effort to bathe in a nearby icy stream nearly every day and would lay stretched out lazily in the sunny meadow, clad in only his pants, until the sun dried him. Sometimes she would join him, sitting with her legs curled up underneath her, her fingers threading through her hair as she fixed a messy braid or two. A common topic of conversation between them was the shared experience of their travels, and Aloy had to admit that he told a fantastic war story.

Avad had a tendency to pull his bedroll close to hers at night, seeming to crave physical closeness even in sleep. Most mornings she woke up with her back pressed warmly against his, and her heart would beat rapidly in her chest until she reluctantly got up. He also had a habit of humming or singing along with every task. Often he would grab her hand, pull her in close, and attempt to coax her into singing and dancing along with him, spinning with her in careful circles until she was laughing breathlessly. He filled their free time with lively conversation on all manner of subjects, even if more often than not it ended in a heated debate with Nil that Aloy had to break up.

The wound in her stomach was gradually knitting itself together in a neat seam, and she had to admit that a large part of that was due to Nil's expert stitching and strict adherence to limiting her physical activity.

"Another two days, and these can come out," he judged one morning, lifting her bandage and studying the angry line of the puckered wound. "You seem to have avoided any infection, which would have complicated things greatly."

"Nil, I never asked. How do you know so much about this?" she asked curiously, readjusting the hem of one of Avad's loose shirts. After several instances of her form-fitting tops causing painful chafing against the cut, she had asked to borrow one of his shirts to allow the skin room to breathe. 

"Having received many near-fatal wounds myself, it's a necessary skill." He shrugged. "I learned basic wound care as a soldier, and it became a regular part of my life when I set out on my own. There have been many times where I've had to dig out a buried arrowhead or shards of shrapnel from my own flesh."

"I mean, I've had to do similar things from time to time," Aloy said, frowning, "but you were getting that many severe injuries?"

A bitter smile crossed his lips. "Maybe in my own way, I was seeking death. I'm not sure the world needs a man like me, and I could feel my honor code begin to slip with only myself to answer to."

"But something changed."

"Working for Avad gives me focus, and his rules of engagement are a guiding hand, directing my arrows to the appropriate targets." He regarded her for awhile, and when he spoke again, his voice was quiet. "But sometimes, huntress, the only thing stopping me is the thought of what you would say if I crossed that line."

When he walked away to fetch more water, she stared after him for a long time.

\--

The last few days passed without incident, and Aloy was frankly shocked (and becoming more than a little suspicious) that they hadn't run into a single person. The forest was lush - full of edible berry bushes, easy prey, and trickling streams of icy water. Although, she had reasoned, the foliage was dense and seemed to go on for several miles in all directions, and she could see no evidence of a human presence. The day of Nil's expected departure, she learned why.

He had just finished carefully severing the last of her stitches with a fire-sanitized knife when Avad appeared with the Strider. The overriden machine had remained with them, mostly because Aloy had seen no reason to go through the effort of releasing it then finding another mount. 

"Well, huntress, you've healed enough to move on, as long as you don't over do it," Nil said, frowning. He seemed almost disappointed. "And it's time for me to head back."

"Will you accompany us to the edge of the forest?" she asked as he gave her scabby wound a final cleansing dab with a warm, wet cloth. 

He tilted his head like a hawk, considering. "Yes. But that's all the farther I can go."

She stood, wincing as Avad helped lift her onto the pack-laden Strider. Clothed once more in her airy, Carja-made armor, she was disgruntled to discover that only ten days without it had made her unaccustomed to even its slight weight, and she shifted uncomfortably. Despite the fact that she was well on her way to recovery, her stomach was still sore and sensitive.

Nil led the way west, and for a few hours they walked (or rode, in Aloy's case) in mostly silence. It had seemed as if the world had held its breath during their time in the forest, and a pang of loss stabbed her as they made their way out of its sheltering branches. Too soon, the trees began thinning out and the terrain grew gradually less hilly. When they reached the edges of a far-flung valley, however, Nil stopped so abruptly that Avad ran straight into him.

"Nil, what..." His irritated voice trailed off as he too became still, and an icy wave of apprehension broke over her. She urged the Strider forward and inhaled sharply at what she saw.

Wandering aimlessly in the desert valley below were hundreds, if not thousands of machines, stretching out for miles in either direction and banked on either side by foreboding mountains. Many of the bigger ones were Knifetails, but she also spied several Thunderjaws, Sawtooths, and even a Rockbreaker or two was visible in the distance. Circling the enormous herd overhead were several massive Stormbirds, the beating of their wings echoing all the way over to the precipice of the hill they were perched on. 

"No," she breathed, her voice rising in pitch as panic overcame her. "No! Why are there so many? There's no way we can cross-"

"Wait, huntress. Over there," Nil interrupted her, pointing to a nearby ridge. "That seems to skirt most of the valley. There are still several machines from what I can see, but significantly less. If you're careful, you should be able to pass without alerting the rest of the herd."

He hesitated.

"Unfortunately, you're going to have to do some climbing, and I can't help you. I can't delay my departure any longer."

Gritting her teeth determinedly and ignoring her body's protests, Aloy slid from the Strider and began tearing their bags from the machine. 

"Well, I'll see you around, Nil," she said shortly, without facing him.

"Aloy." He said her name quietly, grabbing her bicep and giving it a firm squeeze. His hand was so warm, so steadying, exactly as it had been the night she had opened up to him, and she felt her heart constrict. "Know that if I didn't have my sworn duty to uphold, I would follow you to the edges of the world, but I need to act within this cage of rules for a reason."

She turned and leaned into him for a moment, her shoulders sagging as she exhaled wearily.

"Damn it, I know. I know it's not your fault, and I'm sorry. I'm just...angry at the situation."

"We all knew this wasn't going to be easy," Avad said softly, and Nil reached forward to clasp hands with him.

"Your Radiance," he said casually, although those pale eyes were shining feverishly with overwhelming emotion. "Watch out for her until she's totally recovered. I gave you the tools - don't hesitate to use them if you need to. Take advantage of an opening if it's presented, and splatter the blood of your foes-"

"Yes, Nil," Avad chuckled, but his face was serious. "I know. May the light of the Sun guide your way back, my friend."

"My king." For a brief moment, Nil clutched at his shoulder. Then he let his hand fall, sliding a slow path down Avad's arm, and faced Aloy once more.

"Well, huntress, this is it for awhile. I'll find you again when there's something to report. A week at the earliest," he drawled, his mask of indifference in place again. "Try not to aggravate that wound and destroy my handiwork."

"I'll do my best," she said lightly, standing on her toes and brushing a soft, smiling kiss against the sharp angle of his cheek. "Please, Nil, take the Strider as far as it'll go. You should get the hang of riding it quickly, and it'll get you back to Erend much faster. And...thank you again for saving my life."

He brought his fingertips to the spot where she had kissed him and stared at her for several seconds, and then a wide grin broke out over his face. "Anytime, huntress." 

With a last, meaningful look, he climbed atop the Strider, and after a few moments of fumbling searching, found the wire reins. Aloy watched his shrinking form until it was swallowed by the treeline, a heavy weight settling in her chest, and she wondered when, or even if they would see him again. The thought of something bad happening to Nil had her throat unexpectedly tightening, and she felt a momentary rush of queasiness. A comforting arm fell over her shoulders, and she leaned into Avad as he held her against him tightly.

"So you trust him with a mount, but not me?"

A surprised laugh escaped her at his teasing, but it freed her from her anxious thoughts. When she reluctantly drew away from him a few minutes later, Aloy's mouth was set in grim determination. 

"Let's do this."

\--

Their trek was a torturously slow one. To even get to the ridge Nil had pointed out, it took a solid hour of hiding behind large rocks or in the brush, then sprinting as fast as they could to the next source of cover. There were several instances where Aloy was certain they had been spotted by the keen eyed Stormbirds soaring overhead, but somehow, their luck seemed to hold. Her wound, however, was a searing band across the span of her stomach, and by the time they arrived at the base of the ridge, she was bent over and panting shallowly. 

"Aloy, please," Avad begged, his brow knitted as he lowered their lightened bags to the ground for a moment. "We can stop and rest for a moment. You're worrying me."

"No," she gasped out, wiping the sweat from her forehead and straightening with a scowl. "There are too many machines. The longer we're out here, the higher the chance that we're discovered. We need to climb."

She grasped the first rocky protrusion she could find and, gritting her teeth, pulled herself up on to the rock face. Avad watched her climb the first several feet, and with a resigned sigh, hoisted himself up after her. 

With every successive foothold, her frustration grew. Her weakened, injured body screamed its protests, and several times she had to stop to cling to the rock with trembling muscles. But somehow she made it to the top, and as soon as Aloy triumphantly pulled herself over the edge and onto flat ground, she collapsed on to her back with a stuttering groan and clutched at her abdomen. When she pulled her shaking fingers away, they were coated in a thin layer of blood.

"Nil's going to kill me," she wheezed under her breath.

"Aloy!" Avad cried, his breathing heavy when he scrambled over the precipice. He crawled to her side, his entire body heaving with exertion as he tried to catch his breath. He began to frantically search one of the packs. 

"The hard part's over," she moaned, closing her eyes and absorbing the blessed relief of the cool rock cradling her body.

"We are stopping," Avad ground out, yanking the hem of her shirt up. He peeled the blood-soaked bandage from her stomach and tossed it to the side. "This was reckless, even for you."

"Ah!" She hissed as he pressed a cold cloth against the sensitive skin. Despite his obvious indignation, he began to clean the sticky mess with gentle strokes. "Okay, fine, but only for a few minutes. I'd like to make it out of here by dark."

"Ridiculous girl," he muttered under his breath, fixing a clean bandage over the irritated slash. "You will be the death of me."

"Not if I can help it," she said archly. Avad chuckled breathlessly, pushing a few messy wisps of hair away from her sweaty brow, and helped her up.

The pair settled against a large boulder for awhile, an outcropping overhead shading them from the merciless heat of the late afternoon sun and the ever-present eyes of the Stormbirds. Avad fished through his pack again, this time digging out a greasy bundle of jerky, and they chewed on their meager lunch for several quiet minutes.

"Well, no time to waste," Aloy said in a chipper tone after she swallowed her last bite, rising to her feet. Avad grimaced but stood as well.

Mercifully, their hike across the span of the ridge was much more manageable due to an abundance of spacious nooks between the rocks of the cliff face. Every time they were in danger of being spotted, the two only had to duck into a nearby crevice for a couple of minutes until the threat had passed. It wasn't long before the edge of the valley and the massive machine herd were both in sight, and Aloy felt like she could finally breathe. The setting sun glinted off the edges of the metal beasts, sparkling as brightly as cut gems, and for a moment she gazed out over the oddly whimsical spectacle.

"It looks like we can sneak past the remainder of the herd through there," she told Avad, motioning to a stretch of sandy ground between the ridge and the last group of machines.

He gave her a relieved smile and added, "And then we'll finally be done with this horrid place."

Her plan went perfectly for exactly ten minutes, and then, as they were creeping towards the protection of the next copse of bushes, Avad dropped his pack.

"Sorry," he muttered to Aloy, stopping to bend over and pick it up. This was apparently enough time for all hell to break loose.

A horrible metallic screech echoed throughout the valley as a Stormbird caught sight of them, and Aloy froze, then turned slowly even though every single instinct she had for survival rebelled against the action. Every machine in the vicinity stood stock still, and a blinking sea of yellow lights was staring back at her.

"Avad," Aloy said calmly, grabbing at his hand. "Run."

The Sawtooth nearest to them gave a gutteral snarl and reared up, and she bolted, dragging him behind her.

"Aloy, I didn't mean-"

"Save your breath!" she yelled, narrowing her focus to what was immediately in front of her. The cacophony of noise behind them was so loud she could barely think, and hot panic gripped her in a vice. From what she could see, there was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, and the small lead they had on the machines was closing gradually. Eventually, they would tire, and the beasts would rip them to shreds. Another cluster of smaller machines was growing larger in front of them, most likely a vicious pack of Scrappers, and she felt tears rising in her eyes at her failure.

Dropping Avad's hand, she whipped around and pulled out her bow, scrambling to ready an arrow. If she was going to die, she could at least go down fighting to her last breath. The Sun-King stared disbelievingly at her but, reading the trembling resolve in her face, grew grim. With a quiet curse, he unsheathed the knife Nil had gifted him and laid his free hand on her arm.

"Aloy, I want you to know-"

" _Hey! Behind you!_ "

They both turned at the same time, and if had been any other situation, Aloy would have stopped and stared with her mouth agape. Approaching them rapidly from behind was an orderly line of small, yelping machines she had never seen before, but that wasn't the unusual part. Being pulled behind them was a long metal sled skating smoothly along the pale sand, and an enormous man was perched upon it. He waved a frantic arm at them.

"I'm going to turn around! Jump on when I get close!"

At a whistled command, the harnessed machines began arcing in a wide circle. There was exactly enough time for them to sheath their weapons and grab one of their bags, and when the sand sled came within a few feet of them, Aloy didn't hesitate; she grabbed Avad's hand, and with a wild yell, they leaped forward on to the moving slab of metal. 

"All right, my girls! Let's get out of here!" the man roared after the two landed, and the beasts picked up speed. Soon they were pulling away from the stampede, and it wasn't long before the throng of machines were mere flickers of light on the darkening horizon. Another command had them slowing from a sprint to a jog, and their savior yanked down the scarf obscuring the bottom half of his face, leaning over them expectantly. Avad cleared his throat, moving from his belly into a sitting position with as much dignity as he could manage.

"Thank you," he said, bowing his head. "You saved our lives."

"What in the name of Nas were you two doing in the Valley of the Great Herd?" the man asked with an incredulous laugh. "Everyone knows only death awaits the unprepared there, and you, my friends, are _desperately_ unprepared."

Aloy opened her mouth to speak, but Avad squeezed her hand and, along with the slightest shake of his head, gave her a meaningful look. He cleared his throat.

"My wife and I-" Aloy stiffened here, and it took biting her lip so hard she nearly drew blood to not correct him. "-are refugees from the east. War has come to our lands, and we thought to go west to find a better life. We had no idea such a mass of machines existed."

The man studied them for a few moments, a frown pulling at his lips from beneath his bushy blonde beard. Then he stuck out a hand.

"My name is Kanov, of the Munishka Clan. I assume you two are from the Carja Sundom, judging from those clothes, but I'd like to know names of those I rescued."

Avad clasped hands with him, his eyebrows rising in surprise. "You know of the Carja?"

Kanov made a dismissive gesture with a broad hand. "Oh, sure. Every couple of years or so we get one of you wandering through our territory, and we have even had a few go through the Rite to join the Clan."

"My name is Kadaman," Avad said after a moment, and he nodded at Aloy encouragingly.

"Um..." She scrambled for the first female name she could think of. "Teersa."

"Well, Kadaman, Teersa, it is going to be an hour or so before we get back to Viatr Camp, so I would get comfortable. We will see about getting you a spare tent once we're there."

"What were you doing so close to this, um...Great Herd, you called it?" Aloy blurted out.

Kanov laughed, his bright blue eyes crinkling merrily, and Aloy decided that she rather liked the older man. "Someone has to keep track of them, girl. I was scouting out their movements when I heard you set off the Stormbird. They only get into a frenzy like that if there are people around. I figured I would check it out, and lucky for you, I happened to spot you just in time."

"So, these machines you have hooked up to the sled-"

"Clan secret, I'm afraid," he said, smiling apologetically. "Only revealed by way of the Rite. I can tell you we call them Bolters, and we have traveled like this as nomads, over the the span of the Endless Desert, for many generations. The Great Herd exists on the far eastern edge of our territory."

"Teersa, my love," Avad chided, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her to his chest. She exhaled haltingly as her aching stomach did a flip, and she had to furiously remind herself that it was all an act. "I'm sure Kanov wishes to remain unbothered while he steers the sled."

"I do not mind at all," he shrugged. "If the girl has questions, let her ask. I know you Carja have strange ideas about owning your women and all that, but I will tell you only once: you're not in your lands anymore, and that sort of thing will not be looked upon kindly in the Clan."

"No, it's all right," Aloy said softly, curling up against Avad and sighing as his arms wrapped snugly around her in a warm embrace. This, at least, was a familiar comfort. "I'm actually pretty exhausted."

"Then rest up, my friends," Kanov said with a chuckle. "There will be food, drink, and a bed awaiting you. We Munishka know how to provide for our guests."

He whistled to his team of Bolters once more, and they sped off towards the unknown horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting into my favorite part of the story now! I knew when I started to outline this I definitely wanted to have new tribes, and I loved the concept of a nomadic tribe that traveled around on sand sleds using sled dog-like machines. You'll be finding out lots more about the Munishka in coming chapters, and I'm really excited to share it with you guys!
> 
> I couldn't resist putting the fake marriage trope in here because it's one of my favorites, and really, why would they reveal their identities to a total stranger? :P
> 
> I think most of this chapter speaks for itself, so, until next time! If you're enjoying reading this, please do me a favor and click on that kudos button, and comment if you can! I make an effort to respond to every comment, even if it's just a thank you. :)


	7. Viatr Camp

It was dark by the time they arrived at Viatr Camp, but the city of tents was lit with numerous roaring bonfires and as bright and as bustling as Meridian at noon. Groups of people dressed in colorful patchwork outfits roamed about, laughing or arguing loudly; bands of children ran giggling underfoot, occasionally chasing after a yipping Bolter. Aloy took one look at it all and was very suddenly overwhelmed, but the feeling of Avad's hand slipping into hers helped ground her. 

"It's all right," he murmured against her ear. "Focus on me if you need to."

"Welcome to camp," Kanov said with a grin, opening his massive arms widely. Someone shouted his name, and he turned, keeping his arms spread.

"There you are, ridiculous man!" huffed an older woman with dark, intricately braided hair streaked through with grey. She was striding towards them purposely, her eyes fixed on Kanov. "What kept you..." She trailed off as her gaze slid to the two newcomers. "Ah. You brought back strays, I see."

"Kadaman, Teersa," said Kanov, chuckling heartily. "Meet my fantastically beautiful wife, Vanyia."

"Hmph," was all she said, but she stepped into his embrace for a moment and clutched at him. When she pulled away, her deep brown eyes focused on Aloy, and she gasped.

"My, aren't you a pretty little thing," Vanyia crooned, grabbing her hand. She spoke in a strangely accented voice, almost too quickly to follow. "Such a lovely mane of hair! I must braid it." She stepped back and frowned. "Although, you could use some fattening."

"Um..." Aloy floundered at the sudden attention, but before she could speak, Avad stepped in front of her.

"My wife is fine the way she is," he said firmly. Vanyia sneered at him.

"Let her speak for herself, boy! Kanov, I swear by the White Sand Sea, I have no patience for these brutish men from the east!"

"Now, Vanyia..." 

"My apologies. I meant no disrespect to either her or you," Avad said softly, dipping his head. "It is only that she is injured and could use a quiet place and some rest. We both could."

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Vanyia clucked, folding her hands into her patchwork apron and spinning around. She looked back over her shoulder at them through impatient eyes. "You must come with me, at once."

They followed her through the maze of tents, and several people stopped what they were doing and stared at them as the group passed by. Aloy immediately got the sense that this was a very tight-knit tribe, and non-Munishka seemed to be an uncommon novelty - similar to the Nora, but without the borderline hostile distrust towards outsiders. Nervous vigilance coiled in her gut at her unfamiliar surroundings, but she reminded herself of what Kanov had said regarding their treatment of guests. At the very least, she wasn't picking up on any ill-will from the average Munishka, only mild curiosity.

Vanyia came to a halt outside of a cozy-looking tent on the outskirts of the encampment, where it was much quieter.

"This tent is small, but it was meant for a pair of newlyweds. The arrangement fell apart." She shrugged, grabbing the lantern that hung on a hook above the entryway and handing it to Aloy. "You know how it is. You seem young enough to be freshly married, and I am not so old that I cannot recall wanting to be close to my handsome new husband at all times." She elbowed Kanov in the side, and he wrapped a bulky arm around her shoulders.

"You are lucky my Vanyia sits on the Viatr Conclave," he added. "It makes it much easier to provide you with better arrangements."

"Thank you for your generosity," Aloy said, clutching the warm lantern close to her chest.

"Ah, she speaks!" Vanyia cried, throwing her hands up. Grinning wryly, she winked, and Aloy couldn't help but smile back at her. "If you are in need of it, there is food and drink in the common areas. Do not be shy - we share everything here. Otherwise, I wish you a good night."

With that, she strode away, and Kanov clasped both of their shoulders.

"Sleep well, my friends. Come find me in the morning, and we will speak about what to do with you." With a hearty wave, he went off after his wife. 

Avad held up the tent flap and motioned inside, a weary smile on his face. "After you."

Aloy stepped inside, the cozy warmth of her surroundings putting her at ease instantly. The walls of the tent were hung with colorful tapestries in the same mishmash of cloth as the Munishka clothing, and a comfortable-looking padded bench, table, and desk were placed off to one side. She secured the lantern on a hook hanging from the tent's ceiling and turned to examine the rest of the space. Most of the other side of the room was filled with an enormous mass of pillows and blankets clearly meant to function as a bed, although it looked more like a giant, gaudy nest. When Avad entered behind her and set their one remaining bag down, she turned to face him.

"I'll sleep in my bedroll," he said, already bending down to pull it from the side of the pack. He looked up at Aloy when she placed a hand on his arm.

"Avad, no," she said, shaking her head. "That bed is huge, and we've already slept side by side many times now. I don't see how this is much different."

"It...it just is," he insisted, holding up his hands. "It's an actual bed, and that implies certain things-" She cut him off.

"We've both had a very long day, and I think our near-death experience has earned us both a comfortable place to rest, implications be damned."

She pulled in a breath, bracing herself for the next part. "Now that we've settled that, were you planning on explaining to me why we're suddenly married?"

He at least had the sense to look sheepish.

"I apologize, Aloy. Truly. I didn't want us to be hasty and place our trust in a complete stranger, and it was the most logical explanation as to why we were traveling together. We certainly couldn't pass for siblings." He ruffled a hand through his hair. "For what it's worth, I plan on telling Kanov the truth once we've had a chance to speak more at length. He seems trustworthy."

"That...makes a lot of sense," she said reluctantly. With an exhausted groan, she settled down on to the bed and began to remove her boots and armor. 

"Can I fetch you anything to eat or drink?" Avad asked as he sat beside her, and she laughed.

"All-Mother, no. I don't think my stomach has calmed down yet from that sled ride."

"I feel much the same way," he said, but continued to eye her as he removed his own shoes. "Can I do anything else for you?"

"What? No." 

"Are you certain?"

Aloy twisted to face him fully, her eyebrows raised. "Avad. What's going on with you?"

"I'm feeling an incredible sense of guilt, if I'm being honest," he confessed, picking at a seam on his pants. His eyes were downcast. "I wanted to apologize. If it hadn't been for my clumsiness, the machines wouldn't have spotted us."

"It was an accident," she said gently, placing a hand on his knee. He looked surprised for a moment but then covered her hand with his own. "Don't dwell on it. We survived, and we may have found potential allies against the Tenakth."

"This is true," he mused, rubbing idle circles on her hand with his thumb. Aloy ran the fingers of her other hand through her hair, wincing as they caught on several snarls.

"Although, if you really feel like you need to something for me, I'd appreciate it if you could help me undo my braids," she offered. "I don't like to wear them all of the time when I'm not in the wilderness."

"Of course," he said, his eyes widening. "Though I must confess, I expected your hair to be a more private matter."

She shrugged and scooted around so that her back was facing him. "It's just hair, Avad. Don't think too hard on it."

A soft sigh escaped her as his fingers combed through her thick tresses, and she closed her eyes. Deftly, he unwove each braid, handing her the wooden beads she used to keep them in place, and she pocketed them. The soothing, repetitive motions and the heat radiating from his palms lulled her until she was nearly dozing, a welcome moment of peace after the day they'd had. Almost too soon, her fiery hair was entirely freed, and Avad ran his hands through the wavy locks one last time before drawing away. When she turned to gaze at him through half-lidded eyes, he was studying her intently.

"I've never seen your hair loose before," he said, a smile playing at his lips. "You look lovely."

Her stomach fluttered at his compliment, and she returned his smile. "You know, I hadn't seen your hair at all until the night Erend brought you to me. You look entirely different without that crown."

"Ah, yes," he laughed. "An unfortunate part of my role as Sun-King. It gets awfully heavy by the end of the day - a reminder of the weight of my station, I suppose."

When she attempted to suppress a yawn, he frowned and patted at the bed.

"I think it's time for us to sleep. There will plenty to do in the morning with Kanov, I'm sure."

He waited until Aloy had crawled under the blankets and made herself comfortable before standing and blowing out flame of the lantern. There was still a faint glow in the tent, likely from some distant bonfire, but it wasn't enough to be obtrusive. In this dim light, she still see the outline of Avad's body, and she watched as he removed his scarf and vest, leaving him in his loose shirt and pants. Avad climbed into bed, settling a polite distance from her, but she reached out and groped blindly for his hand. When she found it and intertwined her fingers with his, she could hear his breath catch.

"Just until I fall asleep," she said in a hushed whisper. "Today was hard, and I don't want to feel so alone."

"You don't need to explain yourself to me," was his quiet reply. A few seconds passed before he added, "Sleep well, Aloy."

It wasn't long before she drifted off, her hand still clasped tightly in his.

\--

The next morning dawned bright and sunny, and when Aloy reluctantly awoke, she kept her eyes shut and burrowed deeper into the wonderful warmth engulfing her. She felt as if she were lazily basking in the heat of the summer sun, and, craving more, she arched back into it. Her brow furrowed when the warmth _groaned_ , of all things, and she stilled as her sleepy brain caught up with her body.

At some point in the night, Avad had rolled over until he was flush with her back. One of his arms was curled possessively around her waist, holding her tightly to his chest, and his long legs were tangled with hers. Due to his being so much taller than her, he was cradling her in a way that made her feel as if she were very small, and some secret part of her, the part that had daydreamed about this exact situation, wanted to bask in the comfort of his embrace for just a little longer.

When he nuzzled into her neck with his nose and murmured her name sleepily, she finally, reluctantly, cleared her throat and twisted her head around.

"Hey, Avad?"

She could feel the exact moment he came into awareness behind her, because he froze and inhaled sharply. A second later he jerked away from her, and she rolled over to face him with twitching lips.

"Aloy, I-I'm so sorry," he sputtered, his face so violently crimson it was practically glowing. "This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. Please forgive-"

"Don't worry about it," she said, a peel of laughter escaping her. She bit her lip, then blurted out,"It was actually really nice."

Something like hope flashed through Avad's eyes. "I...I see." He gave her a small, hesitant smile. "I would agree."

"It feels good to be able to be close with someone after all that's happened, huh?" she said softly. 

His brow knitted as he gazed at her, uncertainty warring on his face. After a few seconds he seemed to come to a decision, and, swallowing hard, turned on to his back and held out his arms. When Aloy settled carefully on his chest, she was sure her face had become as red as his. His arms folded over her, and a dizzying surge of giddiness rippled through her belly.

"Is this okay?" she asked, anxious.

"Of course." Gentle fingers combed their usual path through her hair. "Being close to you...it brings me great joy."

"Avad...you know I thought about you a lot while I was away, right?"

She felt him smile against the crown of her head. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. I'd imagine what you'd say to me." She twisted her lips into a bitter smile. "It wasn't good, usually."

"Oh, Aloy." His hold on her tightened. "Despite what I said to you in anger, I don't think poorly of you. In fact, I can't see myself acting much differently if I were in your position."

"I still haven't forgiven myself," she said, her words barely a whisper. "All I can think about sometimes is how much I let everyone down."

"In truth, I missed you dearly. Some days so much so that I'd gaze out over the gates for hours, hoping you would come running over the bridge to the palace." His lips brushed against her hairline. "But all I ever wanted was the peace of mind that you were alive and safe."

Hot tears stung in her eyes. After all of the misery she had brought into his life, he still somehow cared for her that much. She felt deep in her bones how undeserving she was - of Avad, of his friendship, of everything he had done for her and continued to do. 

As she began to make some excuse to pull away from him, the tent flap whipped open, and Vanyia came bustling in. Avad moved away from her anyway.

"The sun has been up for an hour. It is time to get up, lazy children," she said, looking between them with a stern frown. "Ah, do not look as if you have been caught stealing _panisk_. As if I have not seen countless young couples so in love. You can not walk an inch around here without tripping over one."

In her arms was a bundle of multicolored cloth, and she held it out to them. 

"Here. Fresh clothing. I had to guess at your sizes, but these should do. Dress, and we will meet with my Kanov. Then you will stand before the Conclave, and we will discuss what to do with you."

\--

"This is...different," Aloy said sometime later, after they had taken turns getting dressed. Her outfit consisted of an airy, decorative shift with flowing sleeves and an apron made up of different sizes and shades of green and blue spun fabric patches that tied on at the waist. Although she was unused to wearing anything resembling a dress, she supposed she could see the utility of her current attire in the daytime heat of the desert. Vanyia had also provided her with a red kerchief, which she used to tie back the top layer of her hair.

Avad, on the other hand, looked more or less as he usually did, with a loose shirt tucked into pants cut off at the knee, but he sported a multicolored vest much like her apron. His kerchief was tied around his neck. 

"It suits you," he said with a grin, laying his hand on the small of her back.

"It's all right for a dress, I suppose," she said, shrugging.

They trailed after Vanyia as she led them to her husband. Now that they were dressed in the same style of clothing as everyone else, they attracted significantly less attention, much to Aloy's relief. 

"My new friends! Good morning!" Kanov boomed as they came to his side, raising his cup. He was surrounded by a group of Munishka men, who nodded or offered handshakes in greeting. "Come, you must eat first."

He gestured to a metal table groaning under the weight of numerous pastries, spiced meats and cheeses, joined by pitchers of goat milk and a sharp-smelling fermented beverage. Aloy selected some soft white cheese and a flaky confection filled with a dark, sweet preserve, and her empty stomach practically sang in happiness as she bit into her rich breakfast. 

"Kanov," Avad said after he swallowed his final bite of a minced meat pastry, "we must speak to you before we go before your Conclave. Privately."

"Of course." The burly man looked confused, but led them to the humid space of a secluded alley between two large tents which seemed to be used for food preparation. "What is it, Kadaman?"

Avad took a deep breath. "To start, that's not my name. It was my older brother's."

To his credit, Kanov seemed to be only mildly surprised, and he tilted his head towards Aloy. "I take it your name isn't Teersa, then."

When she shook her head, he raked his fingers through his beard. "It is not an uncommon thing, to change one's name when setting off somewhere new. But something tells me this goes beyond names."

"Very far beyond that," Avad said, and he lifted his face. "My name is Avad, Sun-King of the Carja, and this is Aloy, Seeker of the Nora. In our current situation, it would have been unwise to reveal our identities to a stranger we happened upon in the desert, but I feel you are trustworthy."

Kanov jerked back, blinking rapidly. "Mother Nas! I expected an interesting story, my friend, but a king? Truly?"

Avad dug into the pocket of his vest and held out a large golden ring, which Aloy recognized was embossed with the four-pointed Carja Sun. "My seal."

He examined it for a moment, then said slowly, "Yes, I have heard of you, Sun-King. The few Carja who have come through our lands brought stories of the Liberator, who freed slaves and brought an end to his father's tyranny. But why are you here?"

"Please, call me Avad," he said, clasping Kanov's forearm. "You are not Carja, and you have saved our lives." At the man's hesitant nod, he continued. "War has come unexpectedly to my people, and I have been exiled from our capital city of Meridian. The aggressors are a ruthless tribe from the south known as the Tenakth, although we have reason to believe they are not working alone."

"That is unfortunate," Kanov said with a frown. "But why come west?"

"Beyond ensuring my safety, we're searching for allies," Avad explained. "My spies have brought me evidence that with the successful invasion of the Sundom and the capture of Meridian and all her resources, the Tenakth plan to push their conquest west, which would bring the full force of their army to your borders."

Kanov drew back, worry creasing his brow. "If what you say is true, Avad, then we must inform Vanyia and the Conclave at once."

Avad nodded, his face grim. "Lead the way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Avad is very "what did you say about MY BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING WIFE" at the beginning of this chapter, and I don't think it's all pretend to him, lol. Also managed to squeeze in some bedsharing, another one of my favorite tropes.
> 
> Viatr Camp! The next several chapters will be spent here (I have my detailed outline written out to chapter 15, but that's subject to change, and probably will because I'm having a hard time fitting everything I want to in). These chapters are probably the most important part of the story for character development, so things are going to be picking up very quickly now (for better or for worse). Plus tons more worldbuilding!
> 
> Vanyia is very loosely based on stories of my husband's Polish Nana, who unfortunately passed away before I was in the picture (but sounded like an amazing, hilarious woman). You'll be seeing a lot more of Vanyia and Kanov!
> 
> Thanks again for reading!
> 
> (By the way, art totally exists of Avad and Aloy in their Munishka clothing. I just didn't finish it in time :( )


	8. The Conclave

When Avad revealed their true identities to Vanyia, she seemed deeply unimpressed. 

"I knew there was something strange about you," she said with a loose shrug. "It does not matter. A king and a queen in your own lands, but not here."

"Oh, no, it's not like that," Aloy said hurriedly, stealing a quick glance at Avad. "I'm not...we're not actually married."

"Mm." This and an arched eyebrow were Vanyia's only responses.

A moment of awkward silence passed, then Avad cleared his throat and relayed the rest of the information. At this revelation, the typically stoic woman's eyes widened, and she shifted back and forth uneasily on the balls of her feet before hurrying past Aloy and Avad. Her words rushed past them.

"Let us not waste another moment, then. I have called a meeting of the Conclave, and we should go now."

Avad's hand landed warmly on the small of Aloy's back, and they began striding after Vanyia with Kanov trailing behind. She lead the group towards the center of a very busy Viatr, the new day breathing even more life into the tent city than there had been the evening before. There were so many new sights, smells, and sounds that Aloy's head was practically spinning by the time they reached their destination.

"Come, come," said Vanyia with a frown, impatiently gesturing at the entrance. "The other councilors should be waiting inside."

The Conclave tent - although tent wasn't exactly the right word, because it was the closest thing Aloy had seen to a more permanent structure - was the biggest by far in the encampment. When she stepped inside, she took a few moments to gaze out over the space. Several stools and ottomans of various colors and sizes sat scattered around the floor, and at the head of the room was a great table made of salvaged machine parts artfully welded together and painted with cheerful designs. Behind this impressive piece of furniture, she counted fifteen chairs, each draped in bright swaths of fabric - ten of these chairs were already occupied by Munishka, diverse in age, gender, and appearance. Vanyia bustled forward and claimed a seat in the center left, leaving Kanov, Aloy, and Avad standing together in the back of the room.

Out of force of habit, Aloy's eyes swept keenly around the rest of the room, flitting between several guards in ornate, heavy armor standing at attention along the outskirts. Each wielded a spear similar her lance, although much longer and capped off with a much more intimidating single-sided serrated blade. 

"Dragoons of Nas," Kanov said beside her. She faced him, and he continued. "Mounted soldiers who patrol the borders of our camp, as well as protect the Conclave." 

Aloy blinked at him in surprise. "Mounted?"

Kanov chuckled. "Bolters are not the only machines we have mastery over, girl. Maybe you will see one out riding sometime."

"How does your Conclave function?" Avad asked, leaning towards Kanov. "I wouldn't want to offend with any misunderstandings."

"This is the Conclave of Viatr Camp," Kanov explained, guiding both of them forward. "Above that is the High Conclave, made up of the High Councilors from all four Munishka camps. The High Conclave governs all of our people, but this group is responsible for all decisions within Viatr. Each councilor is voted for by Clan members, and the High Councilor speaks for all of them. If your news is true, and the Viatr Conclave approves, the High Conclave will convene and vote on our next course of action."

"And how long will that take?"

Kanov shrugged. "In times of crisis, we've been known to act quickly. But you'll have to convince them first."

"Step forward, outlanders of the Carja Clan," a voice said, lilting and soft, but with a firm undercurrent of command. Aloy glanced up, and her green eyes locked with the deep blue eyes of another woman who sat at the center of the table. She couldn't have been much older than Aloy, and the length of her silky, white-blonde hair was twisted around festive ribbons in intricate knots, artful strands framing the softness of her round face. The feminine suppleness of her beauty was so striking that Aloy felt her mouth go dry.

"Who vouches for these outlanders?" 

"I do," Kanov said as he stepped forward, bowing his head. "High Councilor Ayska. These Carja outlanders carry with them greatly worrying news from the east, and I beg that they be heard."

Ayska inclined her head. "And so they will be. Speak your names and business, Carja Clan."

Avad straightened and squared his shoulders, the mantle of his throne falling upon him once more, and when he spoke, he was every inch a king again.

"I am Sun-King Avad, Fourteenth Luminance of the Radiant Line, king of the Carja Sundom, and this is my companion and guard, Aloy, Seeker of the Nora."

Several gasps and muttered words rang out, but Ayska held up a fine-boned hand.

"A king, you say. Is there any proof of this claim?"

Once again, Avad presented his seal, and a young girl scurried over from the edges of the tent to bring it to the head of the table. It was passed around and studied at length by each and every councilor, and Aloy felt herself growing more and more impatient with every successive hand-off. The group conferred among themselves in hushed whispers briefly, then, clearing her throat delicately, Ayska leaned back in her chair.

"We accept this seal as proof of your claims. Welcome to Viatr Camp, Sun-King Avad and Seeker Aloy. What brings you to our lands?"

"War," was Avad's grim reply. "The Carja capital city of Meridian has been captured by an enemy tribe, and I have been cast into exile. We seek allies."

"My heart goes out to you, Sun-King, but the Munishka people do not readily involve ourselves in the conflicts of other clans." She steepled her fingers, looking at him through narrowed eyes. "The Endless Desert is a harsh, barren land, but she offers protection from those who would seek to harm us from the west, and the might of the Great Herd protects us from the east. If you are seeking aid, I'm afraid-"

"The Tenakth are a vicious, bloodthirsty tribe, and their army is enormous," Aloy interjected hotly, her limited patience for politics already nearly spent. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see one of the Dragoons shift their weight and tilt their spear forward ever so slightly. When she spoke again, it was with forced calm. "They won't stop at Carja territory. They have plans to move west, and the borders of the Sundom are just beyond your own. Meridian is built on top of a mesa and is practically a fortress - if the Tenakth can manage that, they can and will go after you."

Avad's steadying hand landed on her shoulder, and she drew in a deep, calming breath.

"Agents of my spymaster remain in Meridian," he said, folding his arms behind his back. "I have a messenger traveling between me and the Sundom, and it won't be long before he returns with news and hopefully solid proof of our claims. A week, perhaps." He paused here, glancing away before fixing serious eyes back on Ayska. "Most worryingly, we have our suspicions that the enemy has obtained a method to control machines in great numbers. Upon the Tenakth invasion, there were several reports of herds of previously docile machines suddenly becoming aggressive to the point of actively hunting my people down."

"What?" Aloy whispered, stunned by this revelation. An icy shard of betrayal burst within her, and she could only stare at Avad numbly.

"The protection of your Great Herd could very well become your downfall," Avad said, his tone soft. "And I'm afraid there may not be much time for you to act before the Tenakth make their move. Three seasons, at most."

Shouts and cries of outrage, fear, and confusion all sounded at once, and the councilors conferred amongst themselves once again. Aloy barely noticed. Her hand reached out to grip at Avad's forearm, but she couldn't manage to find any words.

"Aloy," he said lowly, regret creasing his face. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" She let out a disbelieving laugh. "You, and Nil for that matter, neglected to tell me probably one of the most important pieces of information in all of this, and it's just 'sorry'?"

"Nil is sworn to secrecy and answers to me, and me alone. But we shouldn't do this here," he said gently, removing her hand from him. "Later."

"Yeah. Later," she muttered, spinning away from him and crossing her arms over her chest.

"The Viatr Conclave has reached a decision." Ayska was now standing, her voice carrying throughout the entire room. "Sun-King Avad, Seeker Aloy, this matter goes well beyond the domain of our camp. The High Conclave must be convened. Our swiftest messengers will leave at dawn tomorrow for the other three camps and return within a fortnight with the High Councilors of each Conclave."

She sat and folded her hands in front of her, a smile quirking at her lips as she let an appraising gaze linger on Avad. Despite the circumstances, Aloy felt that wretched snarl jealousy begin to broil within her gut again, and she had to press her lips together and ball her hands into tight fists to keep from speaking.

"We will await the return of your messenger, and we ask that when he arrives you bring him before us at once. In the meantime, please continue to enjoy the hospitality of our people."

"This meeting of the Viatr Conclave is now adjourned. May the spirits of the Endless Desert, the White Sand Sea, and the Great Herd protect us, and may Nas of the Boundless Sky watch over us all."

\--

Aloy didn't wait up for Avad or Kanov. As soon as Ayska stopped speaking, she stormed outside and towards the edges of the encampment. The flames of her rage fanned higher with each step she took, the words of Avad's deception ringing over and over again in her ears. Once she was well past the outskirts of Viatr, she sank to her knees, breathing hard.

It wasn't long, however, before the Sun-King found her - he must have followed after her as soon as she left. Aloy dug her nails into her palms so hard she nearly broke skin.

"Aloy," he said softly, stepping forward and reaching out to her.

"Don't," she ground out, refusing to meet his eyes. 

"You must try to understand why I've acted in the way I have. Everything I've done has been for the good of-"

"Your people," she snapped, rising to her feet. "So, is that always going to be your excuse? You can lie to me, treat me however you want, and you always have the option blame it on your being Sun-King."

"You cannot comprehend the pressure I've been under," Avad said in a deceptively calm tone. His eyes, however, told another story; a storm was raging inside of them, and he leaned forward as he continued. "Since the day I fled from Meridian - the first time, mind you - I have had the weight on my station pressing down on me at all times. I can never turn my mind off, never think of myself or what I want - and Aloy, believe me, there are many things I want. So yes, it is and will always be about my people, but that is the burden I must bear."

"Then why me?" she asked through gritted teeth, wiping furiously at the tears that were blurring her vision. "How can you trust me with your life, but not with this?"

Avad looked away from her, his throat bobbing as he swallowed thickly. "You didn't let me finish. Everything I do is for the good of my people, yes, but...also for you, Aloy. You have been gone three years. I didn't want to burden you. This information, the machines - it frightens me, but it is my responsibility."

"You didn't answer my question," she hissed, stepping towards Avad. Panic began to flare in his eyes, and they rolled so far to the side that she could see the whites of them. "Why have me as your guard? Why not Nil, or Erend? If you were so worried about burdening me, why not just leave me alone? Why come barging into my life again with yet another one of your All-Mother-forsaken problems? Tell me, Avad, or I swear-

" _Because I'm in love with you_!" he yelled, his face more wild and more terrified than she had ever seen it. "Because I've been in love with you since the day you first came to the Palace of the Sun, and I've never stopped! I was the one who told Erend and Nil to find you, because if I had to face exile and possibly death, I wanted to do it beside the woman I loved!"

Aloy stumbled back, her mouth hanging open. "What?"

Avad laughed bitterly, dragging a rough hand through his curls. His shoulders sagged, all of his regal bearing long gone. "And here I thought it was so obvious. I thought you viewed me as nothing more than a lovesick boy but were too polite to say anything."

"Avad," she whispered numbly, and she reached out to clasp her hand in his. It was radiating heat, and she gulped. "I, I don't know what to say-"

"I don't need your pity." He went to turn away, but she tightened her grip and pulled him back, resolve welling up inside of her. Her fingers found his chin, and she grabbed it and forced him to look at her.

"Does this look like pity to you?" she said roughly, and then Aloy surged forward to claim Avad's mouth with her own in a furious kiss. He tasted of sweetness and warmth, his mouth so plush and yielding against her own. A groan rumbled in his chest, and his hands came up to clutch at her head, his long, fine fingers entangling themselves in her hair. Kissing him, touching him, finally giving an outlet to all of the feelings that had been dogging her since he had come back into her life - it all felt so _right_ , like coming back home after a long journey. Three years gone, and now she knew exactly what she had been missing.

The wet press of his tongue against the line of her mouth had her lips parting, and he delved into the open space eagerly. All of her thoughts beyond the heat of his body and mouth disintegrated until only desperate want echoed within her. When Aloy pressed the contour of her lithe body against him, however, he tore away from her with a sharp gasp.

"Aloy, we...this can't happen."

"Avad?" She reached out to touch him, but he shied away, and hurt stabbed through her.

His eyes were so heartbreakingly pained, and a wince contorted his face as he looked away from her. "Forgive me. I should have brought this up before...before we kissed."

"What are you talking about?" she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself as a wave of chilly anxiety washed over her. "Is this about me? Look, I know I avoided you for a long time, and I know I don't deserve you. If that's what this is about, just say it."

"What?" His brow creased. "Aloy, sweet girl, no. Don't say such things. Of course you deserve me - that's not it."

The panic within her subsided somewhat, and she waited. Avad took a deep breath.

"Before I fled Meridian, I was in the midst of searching for a consort. I was courting a noblewoman from a house of high standing, and I had planned to make her an offer of marriage, before Meridian fell. It was a politically sound match," he explained, taking her hand and rubbing at it soothingly with his thumb. "Please understand - this was not a decision I approached lightly. I have sat on the throne far too long without a queen, and I must someday produce an heir. Otherwise, I risk another civil war. Itamen being placed on the Shadow Carja throne in Sunfall...complicated things."

"Oh," Aloy said dumbly. Insecurity squeezed at her. "So, there's another woman, someone else you-"

"No," he interrupted her, something fierce flashing in his eyes. "No woman since Ersa has held my heart the way you do. I waited for you as long as I reasonably could and only pursued this option when it became clear that you weren't returning to Meridian. So no, I do not love her. It was a match born solely out of political sensibility. The most I could hope for in such a scenario is equal respect and friendship."

She nodded numbly, not sure what to say, what could be said. All she knew was the thought of Avad embracing, kissing, or worse, sharing the same casual physical intimacy he had with her with another woman made her stomach churn with bile.

"I wish we could simply be together, my love," he said with a bitter smile. "Despite the turmoil of these last days, it has been a tantalizing glimpse into a life which has been denied to me. You cannot fathom how deeply I've longed to be a normal man with no title, with no responsibilities beyond a job and my family. If I were, this conversation would have gone very differently."

"But then you wouldn't be you," she muttered, a tear rolling down her cheek. Avad caught it with his thumb. "So this can't happen? Because of your being Sun-King?"

"You misunderstand me. It can, but Aloy, if you do decide to be with me, it must not be a decision made lightly. Standing by my side means accepting that you will become Queen Consort of the Sundom. You must carefully consider everything that will come along with that title, and I will not begrudge you if you decide to walk away, nor will I insult you by entering into a doomed relationship. It will be at great political risk that I end my courtship with Lady Arasha, but for you, it is a risk I am willing to take. Otherwise, I am ready to accept what must be done for the good of my people."

"I understand." She paused, drawing in a deep breath as she willed more tears not to come. "Except...Avad, by your own words, all I know how to do is run away. I don't see why you'd think I'd make a good wife, let alone consort."

"Ah, I see those words will haunt me forever," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He fixed his eyes on her, as serious as she'd ever seen him. "Listen to me, Aloy. You are strong, brave, the most radiantly beautiful woman I know, and our recent time together has only solidified my belief in these things. You have a natural affinity for leadership, and most importantly, my people respect you. I respect you. Whatever your decision may be, do not base it on false perceptions of yourself."

"If you really believe these things about me...then why did you keep secrets from me? If this is what you wanted, shouldn't I have known?" Her voice broke as another sickly wave of hurt crested over her, and she stared down at the cracked earth.

"Forgive me, my love. Truly, it was mostly because I didn't want to burden you," he murmured, drawing her into his embrace. She greedily leaned into the caress of his hands on her back, tucking her head into the nook under his chin. "I knew that if machines were involved, you'd feel as though you had no choice but to become more entangled in all of this than you already are. I wanted to give you the option to walk away and have Nil take your place once we were well beyond the Sundom. I had planned to bring it up when he returned."

"I wouldn't have," she said fiercely, squeezing him tighter against her. "Because of you, I want to stay. I'm tired of running away."

"Are you sure it isn't me who doesn't deserve you?" he said ruefully, and she choked out a weak laugh. "But Aloy, don't rush into this. I won't have you unless I am certain it is what you want."

"I'll think about it," she said, closing her eyes and breathing in his comforting, musky-sweet scent. A tiny spark of hope had ignited in her chest, and she held on to it desperately. At least she still had this - the comfort of his touch, the reassurance of his voice. "You're right - it's a big decision, and I shouldn't approach it lightly. And I'll...try to consider myself fairly."

"In the meantime, I think it would be best to put distance between us. As much as I've treasured our shared affections, and as much as it will hurt to cease them, you should be able to make your choice with the clearest possible head."

Her stomach dropped to her feet, and she clutched at him. "Avad, wait. Let's not be hasty. That's not necessary. I can-"

"Please, love," he said softly, smoothing back the wild mane of her hair, and her heart jumped to her throat when she realized through the haze of her panic it might be for the last time. "For me. Otherwise, I don't think I could be strong enough to not hold on to you forever, and you deserve so much more."

Feeling suddenly very cold and very far away, she forced herself to nod, even though she wanted to shake her head, to hold on to him even tighter, to beg him to reconsider. Avad pulled back slightly, gazing down at her with a look of intense longing.

"Aloy...may I kiss you once more?" he asked. "If this is to be the last time, I would like to hold this moment among my most precious memories."

"Yeah," she whispered, and she could feel her heart shattering into a million pieces in her chest. "Okay."

"Okay," he echoed, then brushed his lips against hers in a soft, lingering kiss. When he finally, reluctantly pulled away, she was trembling, and with one last long look, Avad walked away. Aloy crouched in the sand, buried her face in her hands, and didn't move for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome aboard the pain train, everyone. It's time to earn a little bit of that angst tag. And guess who's coming back next chapter to complicate things even more?
> 
> These kids have some growing to do before either of them is ready for a relationship - Aloy still needs to work through her self loathing and fear of attachment, and Avad has some control issues plus his temper to deal with. Still, it was reaaally difficult to write this chapter. I drew from my own experiences with rejection, and that wasn't the most enjoyable thing in the world lol. (Also, I think it's extremely Aloy to not realize someone's in love for her until it's literally shouted in her face lmao)
> 
> Ayska is another new character who will become important, and probably not in the way you're thinking! We get more of a glimpse into Munishka politics and religion, and I'll slowly be building more on that because both play a big role later.
> 
> Anyway, a couple of things - I'm going to be out of town for the next two weeks visiting my partner's family, so while I'm going to try to stick to the update schedule, there are no guarantees.
> 
> Also, I've been doing a lot of hzd fanart lately so please check me out on Tumblr - [here!](http://kittleskittle.tumblr.com)
> 
> 'Til next time!


	9. Kissing the Beehive

Life was indeed different in the days following Avad and Aloy's conversation. Their first awkward order of business had been renegotiating their sleeping arrangements within the tent. Avad had insisted that they remain under the same roof, just in case he needed her protection. Although she tried to convince him to take the bed, that she was more accustomed to sleeping on the ground anyway, he only shook his head with a sad smile.

"This is my doing," he reminded her. "You at least deserve to be comfortable."

She looked away with downcast eyes, not sure what to say to him anymore. They didn't speak much after that.

So he began sleeping in his bedroll. A few times, Aloy woke shivering in the middle of the night, reaching out for Avad until her hazy, sleep-addled mind caught up with the present. She would sit up and gaze at his still, slumbering form on the ground for awhile, then lie back down, her chest aching with emptiness until she managed to slip back into a fitful sleep.

Gone were the grounding casual touches, the comforting warmth of his hand clasped in hers, the sweet forehead kisses, the long conversations. Avad kept a polite distance from her at all times, and Aloy had never felt more lost in her life. Once, not so long ago, she wouldn't have minded, but she had grown so used to his gentle touches and words that their absence smarted worse than the wound on her stomach.

During the day, she would either spend her time helping the stern Vanyia with household chores or wandering the winding alleyways of Viatr, watching the Munishka as they moved busily about. These things were distractions, she knew, but they gave her time away from Avad, time to think about everything while they were stuck waiting for Nil and the Munishka High Councilors to arrive. The Sun-King was right in one regard, at least - if he were a normal man, there wouldn't be anything standing in the way of them pursuing a relationship. There were moments where she would allow herself to stare off into the middle distance and daydream about what it might have been like to have that casual intimacy which only existed between lovers. Would he want to hold her hand everywhere they went, give her absentminded kisses on the cheek? What would waking up beside him every morning be like, watching those beautiful amber eyes flutter open and crease with his smile? And in her more private moments, she would even wonder about how he'd be as a lover - gentle, passionate, both? And then these thoughts would drift until she was left both blushing and melancholic.

But Aloy knew very well that to be with Avad also meant accepting a role she wasn't certain she could handle. To be queen of all the Sundom, of a people not her own, would be a monumental undertaking. Avad seemed to think that she was more than capable, but her insecurities continued to gnaw at her. Reluctantly, she admitted to herself that he might have had a point about taking time to make an informed decision, but removing the element of their closeness felt unnecessarily cruel. Did he think of her as a fickle child, in danger of being swayed by the whims of her emotions? Her lack of agency in that regard bothered her the most, and she brooded on the issue in endless circles.

"What troubles you, girl?" Vanyia asked her one morning as Aloy was helping her knead bread dough. "You have not looked well this past week."

"It's nothing," she muttered, dusting more coarse flour onto the sticky ball in front of her. Vanyia eyed her for a minute, and when she spoke, her voice was unusually kind.

"You know, Aloy, I have had my share of heartache. If you would like to speak to someone who understands, I will listen."

Aloy gritted her teeth as she shoved the heel of her palm into the dough with perhaps a little more force than necessary. "This is more than just heartache, Vanyia."

The older women snorted, leaning against the table they were working on. "So says every young girl in the Endless Desert and beyond, I am sure. Try me."

"Avad is in love with me."

Vanyia raised an incredulous eyebrow. "That is all, child? Anyone with a working pair of eyes can see that."

"Yes, it's very funny that I was apparently clueless about him." Rolling her eyes, Aloy continued to work at the bread as she spoke. "It's not that he loves me, because I...have feelings for him too. It's who, or what he is."

"Ah, yes," she mused, snatching the dough away from Aloy and setting it in a damp basket to rise. "King of the Carja, mighty god to his people." 

"Which, if I decided to be with him, would one day make me his queen," Aloy said, and somehow even just saying those words out loud eased some of the turmoil inside of her. She dipped her fingers into a bowl of water, picking tacky flour remnants from her blunt nails.

"What is the problem? I think you would make a fine queen."

Aloy stared at her, and Vanyia shrugged. "It is true."

"...thank you," Aloy replied, a tad awkwardly. "But Vanyia...in the tribe I come from, I was considered an outcast from birth. I had no mother, only my adoptive father Rost, and for years, it was just us."

A troubled frown had settled into the grooves of Vanyia's face. "Casting out an infant? What kind of monsters would do such a thing?"

"The Nora," she replied, a bitter smile pulling at her lips. "I was something beyond their understanding, and it made them afraid. But my point is, I don't know how to be around people, let alone be a leader."

"Well, from what Avad has said, it is something which comes to you naturally. He told Kanov and I the story of how you saved us all three years ago."

A lump stuck in her throat. "Avad has mentioned me?"

Vanyia scoffed and waved a hand at her. "Oh, sure. You are nearly all he speaks of." The wrinkles at the edges of her brown eyes softened. "You are not the only one who is hurting, girl."

"But he was the one who decided to put distance between us in the first place!" Aloy protested, but her heart squeezed painfully at the thought of Avad feeling as awful as she was.

"I did not say that he made the wisest decision. Men become fools when they are in love, so rash and so sure they are doing what is right."

"I just wish he could trust me enough to make the right choice," she said softly. "He won't say it, but I know he lost faith in me after I disappeared for three years - and honestly, his mistrust is justified. I haven't been...I'm not a good person, Vanyia."

Vanyia put her hands on her hips, her face serious - but when she spoke, her tone was fond. 

"Aloy, we have not known each other for very long, but I can see who you are. We all make bad decisions in life, but a truly bad person would not have risked her life in the way you did to save all of us. You have a good heart, and you should start to believe in that."

"Vanyia," she whispered, looking down at her hands. The older woman's words were a soothing balm against her exhausted heart, and for a moment, she allowed herself to believe in them, just a little bit. "Thank you. I...don't know what to say."

"That you will consider these things, and learn to love yourself for who you are, my girl. The rest will follow."

It was at that moment that Kanov poked his head into the tent they were occupying, a broad grin stretching his mouth.

"Hello, my beautiful wife. And Aloy! I thought you should know - your messenger friend has returned."

"Nil's back?" She perked up instantly and wiped her wet hands on her apron. "Where?"

Kanov jerked his head. "In the marketplace. Follow me."

She glanced at Vanyia, who made a shooing motion with her hands. "Go! I will finish up here."

She kept a quick pace behind Kanov, and when they reached a split in the dusty makeshift roads, he pointed her in the right direction.

"I need to inform the rest of the councilors," he called, heading the other way. "It'll be a couple of hours, but I told Avad I would come find him when they are nearly ready!"

She nodded impatiently and hurried forward, eagerly scanning the colorful crowd of merchants and families milling about.

"Nil!" Aloy cried out as soon as that familiar feathered headdress came into sight. When he turned from where he stood next to Avad and fixed her with his usual lazy grin, she couldn't stop the wide smile that split her face as she rushed towards him.

"Huntress."

Nil barked out a surprised laugh when she practically leaped at him and threw her arms around his broad waist. He caught her, holding her close, and she pressed her nose into the softness of his scarf, inhaling his spicy-sharp scent. He was so firm, so solid, and a content noise escaped her as a tense knot she hadn't known existed until now unraveled inside of her at the knowledge that he was alive and in one piece. Since the day he had saved her life, something undefinable had shifted between them, and she was acutely aware of the way her heart pounded in her chest. Allowing herself a few more selfish moments in his embrace, she then pulled back and gazed up into his uncharacteristically fond eyes.

"Good to see you too, Aloy," he chuckled lowly. "This is a much better greeting than your last."

Finally remembering that they had an audience, she shot a sideways glance at Avad, who was frowning deeply at them, and her smile slid from her face. The ugly, petty part of her crowed at the sight, but she gave Nil one last hug before reluctantly de-tangling herself from him.

"Any news?"

"That's what we were discussing before you showed up." Avad came to Nil's side, still frowning. 

"Well, don't stop on my account," she replied curtly, taking a step back and folding her arms over her chest. Nil's eyes narrowed to slits and slid back and forth between the two of them before finally settling on Avad. A sneer twisted his lips.

"Nil was just telling me-"

"I was sent back nearly immediately to ensure you two had made it through that valley, but I do bring some news," Nil interrupted smoothly, moving in front of him. "The Captain has begun to organize a militia with what's left of our peacekeeping forces. The prince and Dowager Queen made it out of Meridian as well, thanks to the help of the Sunhawk of the Hunter's Lodge, and the bulk of our army has retreated to Sunfall. We're inviting all Carja who want to aid the resistance there by word of mouth, and those wanting to fight will recieve combat training. That's where the good news ends." 

Relief washed over Aloy when she heard that Avad's family and Talanah had gotten away safely, but she steeled herself for the next part.

"The Tenakth are occupying most of the eastern and central reaches of the Sundom. Blameless Marad has received good information that they've begun stockpiling supplies for a march west, and at our current numbers, we won't be able to hold out for long. I'm supposed to tell you to continue to search for allies, but..." He gestured outward. "You seem to be doing a fine job of that on your own."

"Any word on the betrayal within my circle?" Avad asked, laying a hand on Nil's arm. He shrugged away from it.

"None yet. What's left of the Vanguard and Marad's spy network have been busy smuggling important persons from Meridian, your Radiance."

Avad blew out a frustrated breath. "And the Sun-Ring?"

Here, Nil actually appeared regretful. "The Captain says that he'll do what he can, but our resources within the capital are severely limited. Fortifying Sunfall is our priority - unless you'd like to lose the entire Sundom."

Devastation tore at Avad's face at this news, and everything in Aloy screamed for her to do something, anything to comfort him. What she desperately wanted was to hold him in a tight embrace, but instead, she hesitantly reached forward to take his hand. He stared down at their clasped palms for a few seconds, up at her for a few more with an indecipherable expression, and then his face hardened.

"I need to be alone for awhile," he muttered, yanking away from her. "I'll see you both at the Conclave meeting." He stalked off without another word.

"Aloy."

Nil's thumb brushed against her cheek, collecting a tear she hadn't realized she'd shed. With a shaky exhale, her gaze slid to him.

"Can we speak?" He glanced around at the hubbub of their surroundings, then leaned towards her and added, "Somewhere private."

"Sure," she said numbly, and automatically began walking towards her and Avad's tent. The firm pressure of Nil's hand settled on her lower back, and she tried to keep her breathing even.

When they entered the tent, Nil immediately led her to the bed and sat her down, then stood over her with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What did he do?"

"Why does it matter, Nil?" Aloy sighed, rubbing at her forehead. She bent over and began to remove her boots. "It has nothing to do with our mission."

"He hurt you, and that matters to me."

"Yes. He did," she said, sitting back up and squeezing her eyes shut briefly - she was too tired, too hurt to argue with him. Admitting it out loud brought all of those emotions to the surface again, and she had to take several steadying breaths. "He told me he loved me, we kissed, and now he's avoiding touching me or talking to me until I make a decision about the nature of our relationship. Which I'm not even allowed to do yet."

Nil clenched his jaw so hard, she could hear a faint pop.

"I don't know what I expected," she said miserably, wrapping her arms around herself. Desperately, she tried to hold on to Vanyia's words, to truly believe in them, but they slipped away like sand through her fingers in the face of Avad's recent actions. "I guess I'm only getting what-"

"Don't finish that sentence, Aloy," Nil warned, but in a tone softer than she had ever heard from him. 

"I don't see why you care," she said, her voice wavering as the walls holding everything back began to crack. "Why are you always showing up just as I'm breaking down?"

He stared at her for a moment, then sat down next to her on the bed.

"Because that's when you need me the most, of course."

Then his arms were around her, she was being pulled into his lap, and after days of resisting it, she finally let herself fully give in and cry. Big, fat tears tumbled without end onto her cheeks, and she gripped on to his armored vest until her knuckles were white and shaking. All the while, Nil simply held her against his chest, and with the even cadence of his breathing and heartbeat to focus on, soon she could feel herself begin to calm. Eventually, the tears slowed, than ceased, and she was left with a stuffed nose and a red, blotchy face. Even if it had only been a week since her ill-fated conversation with Avad and the absence of his comforting touch, she hadn't realized how much she had missed the luxury of being held until now. The thought of the Sun-King almost triggered a fresh round of tears, but she managed to hold them back. 

"Nil," She sniffed, returning his embrace. He was as hot and as solid as an overheated Deathbringer. "Thank you."

He slid a finger under her jaw, tipping her chin up so that she was looking at him. "We've talked about this. You're more than worth it."

She smiled faintly, and her eyes searched his. All she could see in them was affection and acceptance, the exact things she had been so desperately missing. Without much thought to her actions, she surged forward and claimed his lips in a hard kiss.

Nil allowed it for a few moments, even going so far as to briefly kiss her back, his tongue brushing teasingly at the seam of her lips, but he soon caught the sides of her face in his hands and pulled her away with a soft gasp.

"Not that I'm not flattered, my huntress," he said, his voice rough and his steel eyes molten. "But is this really what you want? Such actions can lead to certain activities I'm not sure you're ready for."

Illustrating his point, Nil shifted underneath her, and she could feel something very hard poking at her inner thigh - that was when she realized she was practically straddling him. A flash of heat burned through her center, and she instinctively bucked up against him. He sucked in a hissing breath of air through his teeth, waiting for her to speak. 

"I...I'm not sure I know what I want anymore," she admitted. "After everything that's happened with Avad, I don't know what to think about any of this. But what we're doing right now feels good, and I haven't had a lot of good lately."

"If it's physical intimacy you desire, I will enthusiastically oblige," he said, threading his fingers through her hair and giving it a playful tug, although his gaze was serious. "But we will leave it at that. Don't make any decisions you're not ready for, Aloy."

A bitter laugh escaped her at those all too familiar words. "Oh, trust me. I won't." And then she bent forward to kiss him again, throwing away thoughts of anything, or anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, here's your warning that the rating is going up next chapter(for some x-rated fooling around 👀).
> 
> I'm extremely happy that Nil is back. These guys felt incomplete without him, and writing banter between the three of them is so much fun.
> 
> Aloy is making some... _interesting_ choices here. Avad is making decisions based on what he believes is best for her, while Nil is just kind of going along with whatever she wants in the moment, but she feels like this gives her agency back. Neither is really ideal, and we're going to see how that shakes out going forward.
> 
> Also, just like...poor Avad. Yeesh. So much of his trauma comes from Kadaman being sacrificed in the Sun-Ring, so no wonder he's breaking down. 
> 
> The part with Aloy and Vanyia making bread comes from my own experiences. My debate coach in high school was like a second mother to me, and whenever I needed to talk about something, she'd suggest we make bread. It's a very cathartic activity. :)
> 
> The chapter title is actually the name of one of my favorite songs - Kissing the Beehive by Wolf Parade.
> 
> See you next time!


	10. Various Stages of Undress

When Aloy sealed her lips back over Nil's, it was slower and softer than before, and she sighed into him as her eyes fluttered shut. His hands slid lazily down her back, then slipped down the sides of her hips, gooseflesh erupting all over her arms when they just barely brushed over the swell of her backside.

Drawing away from her and standing, he pulled a few pins from his headdress and placed it to the side, then undid the tie from his hair. As he removed his armor, Aloy studied him through half-lidded eyes, taking the time to appreciate the way the muted light of the tent fell on to hard contours of his body without the obstruction of his clothing. As artfully crafted as one of GAIA's machines, Nil was all potent power and heartbreaking beauty - usually deadly, but now as tame for her as any overridden beast. When he gazed back at her with the wave of his dark hair framing one side of his face and an affectionate grin quirking at his lips, Aloy's stomach did a giddy flip. Hot and greedy wanting simmered in her belly, and she wasn't sure if she had ever physically desired anything as much as him.

"Come here," he murmured once he was down to only his knee-length pants, tugging her back up to him. His mouth slanted over hers, harder this time, and he fisted a hand in the mess of her hair - it didn't hurt, but it was enough of a hold to keep her still. When he used this grip to pull her head back, she gave a breathy moan, and his teeth descended on the exposed, sensitive skin of her neck, nipping a teasing path to her collarbone. Each nibble sent tiny jolts of electricity through her that went straight to her core, and, desperate for more contact, she arched the line of her body against his. When his attentions reached the neckline of her shift, he paused.

"May I?" he asked, his fingers unwinding from her hair and dropping to graze at the fabric where it clung to the curve of her hip. Aloy took a very deep breath and dipped her head in a single nod. 

To his credit, Nil was surprisingly gentle as he went to untie her apron and lift the dress, along with her breastband, over her head. His pale eyes roved over her unclothed body, and for a moment, as a predatory gleam flickered in them, some animal part of her brain thrilled. But as quickly as the gleam had appeared, it vanished, and he took her into his arms and lowered her carefully to the bed.

"I haven't done any of this before," she blurted out, worrying at her lip as a surge of anxiety overtook her. "Before Avad, I hadn't even kissed anyone."

A low chuckle rumbled in his chest. "Bringing the name of another man into bed with us? How cruel of you, huntress." But the teasing slid from the angles of his face until only consideration remained. "Yes, I'm aware. I'm not going to bring you pleasure with anything but my hands and lips today, Aloy. When you decide you want what's beyond that, it should be for the right reasons."

She released a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding, calmed by the knowledge that he understood her feelings without having to be told. It was what drew her to Nil - he had the uncanny ability of knowing what was on her mind and exactly what she needed. Yet again, he was right - she wasn't ready to give all of herself to him, but she did want the opportunity to explore being intimate with a man, especially one who cared for her.

Nil's fingertips skimmed feather-light over the pebbled peaks of her breasts and hovered over the nearly mended flesh on her stomach. He leaned over to drop a kiss on it, and Aloy relaxed minutely as warm giddiness spread from the spot and blanketed her entire body. The brush of his lips and the prickle of his beard tickled mildly as he smiled against the uneven skin. 

"I'm pleased to see this is almost entirely healed. It will make for a beautiful scar."

He kissed a searing trail back up her stomach to her breasts, and she gasped as he took a pert nipple into his mouth, the flat of his tongue lathing over it. Slickness pooled between her legs when the blunt edges of his teeth just barely grazed over the sensitive bud, and her hips arched upward in search of something, anything to ease the growing ache in her core. Nil didn't disappoint - deft fingers dipped into the vee of her thighs and brushed against the soft folds of her sex. At the unfamiliar touch, she tensed up, and he immediately froze, pulling back.

"Aloy?" 

"I'm okay," she whispered. Her heart was beating as quickly as a rabbit's, but when she gazed up into the softness of his pale eyes, she found she only wanted more. "Don't stop. It's just...new."

When he kissed her it was gentle, and his lips moved to her cheek, then up to her forehead.

"Relax, Aloy," he said huskily against her temple. "Close your eyes."

She bit her lip and did as he said, and when he touched her again, she inhaled sharply. On long nights alone, she would sometimes touch herself to relieve the cloying ache that would nag at her from between her legs, and it did the job well enough. This was something else entirely - the liquid heat that bloomed in her as she jerked against his hand spread throughout her entire body like a wildfire.

"There you go," Nil crooned, rubbing tight circles around the hardened nub of her clit with his thumb. Another finger slid down between her slick folds, and he gave a pleased hum, then gently prodded at her entrance with the digit.

It was easier now for Aloy to loosen up as she sank into the heady sensation of Nil's mouth and hands, and when he pushed into her, she canted her hips up to meet him. The curve of his smile pressed against her lips as he began to move his finger within her. It wasn't long before she began to want something more, something undefinable, and, reaching down to grip at his wrist to gain more leverage, she ground against his hand with a needy whine.

"My eager huntress," Nil said in a pleased tone, and that was when he added a second finger. Aloy arched off the bed with a choked exhale at the sudden wonderful feeling of fullness, throwing her arms around his neck and shoving her tongue deep into the sweet wetness of his mouth. _This_ was what she had been after, that mysterious craving she hadn't known how to put words to, and elation burst within her.

A growl reverberated in Nil's chest, and his leg hooked around hers so that his length, so hot and hard even through the barrier of his pants, could grind against the smooth expanse of her thigh. His thumb grew rougher in its circling motions as he thrust his fingers into her, and when he curled them upwards, a sharp, strangled cry tore from her throat. The inevitable building of her peak began to overtake her, each movement of Nil's hand as he worked her body skillfully drawing wave after wave of relentless pleasure from her.

"That's it - eyes on me, Aloy," he said, his voice deep and commanding. She finally opened them and shivered when they locked on to his - that predatory shine was back, and she was as meek as prey, helpless beneath it. "Let me see you come undone."

When he suddenly pushed a third finger into her, Aloy bowed off the bed with a wild keen as she came, her vision greying out at the edges. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before - the explosive intensity was so overwhelming that for several seconds, she couldn't think, couldn't speak, powerless against the endless current of sensation cresting over her. All the while, Nil relentlessly pistoned his hand into her soaked depths, words of praise and encouragement falling from his lips like a prayer, and she lost herself even further in the sinful purr of his voice. When he finally began to slow, when she finally began to come back down, Aloy was trembling with exertion. 

"That look in your eyes...exquisite, a rare privilege to witness - so very similar to the moment the killing blow is struck," Nil said, his voice soft with awe. His lips grazed against hers in a reverent kiss as he gently pulled his hand from her. "I have not desired your death for a long time, Aloy. Now, however, I find myself wanting to bring this kind of death to you as often as I can."

Despite the morbidity of his words, she found her cheeks warming and her heart quickening at the promise of more. A quick peek downward revealed that he was still _very_ aroused, and impossibly, the sight sent another pulse of wanting through her. 

"So...what about you?" she asked.

He smiled at her, his fingertips coming up to play idly with one of her braids. "This was all for you, Aloy. Bringing you pleasure was enough for me."

She bit at her lip. "But what if I want to?"

He paused, as if he hadn't even considered the possibility, but soon his grin grew even wider. "Well, I'm not one to refuse what's offered freely."

Reaching down, Nil undid the tie on his pants and slipped out of them quickly, throwing the article of clothing over the side of the bed. He rolled back over on to his side and looked at her with expectantly raised eyebrows. Several moments passed, and Aloy fidgeted, a blush growing on her cheeks as she turned over to face him. She wasn't willing to admit out loud that she had no idea how to begin, but Nil seemed to understand all the same. He chuckled, dropping a quick kiss on her brow.

"Give me your hand."

Catching her wrist, he brought it down to his lower abdomen, where her fingertips brushed up against a wiry thatch of hair and taut skin. "Lower. When you're ready."

Rallying her courage, Aloy managed to shift her hand a few inches downward, and her fingers closed around a length of smooth, firm flesh. Nil twitched as she gave an experimental squeeze, and she could feel as he swelled and hardened in her hand. Curiosity rose within her, and she glanced down, her mouth growing dry as a burst of heat bloomed between her legs. 

Although she had seen naked men plenty of times in her travels, she had never seen one so aroused, so she took a few seconds to study him. Her hand was wrapped around his intimidatingly thick cock, its ruddy tip leaking a clear drop of fluid, and she licked her lips. A single pump had Nil jerking his hips, so she did it again and then again, until he was panting and groaning on the bed next to her. Something about having such a man at her mercy satisfied a dark, secret part of her - despite everything that had gone wrong lately, she at least had control over his pleasure.

His teeth clacked against hers as he covered her mouth hungrily with his own, working his lips over hers as if he meant to devour her. She tightened her grip on his shaft and swallowed the loud moan he gave in response, picking up speed until the muscles in her arm burned mildly. Nil was thrusting into her fisted grip at this point, and she yelped in surprise when his fingers kneaded into the soft swell of her ass. Dull pricks of pain registered on the edge of her awareness as he dug his fingernails into the supple skin and began to shudder.

With a stuttering grunt, Nil slammed his hips against her hand one last time and stilled; his eyes rolled back, his cock pulsed in her hand, and several thick bursts of his seed landed across the sheets and on her stomach. A few drops dribbled onto her finger and, curious, she brought the substance to her lips and darted her tongue out to taste it. It was very salty and musky, but not entirely horrible.

Nil was staring at her open mouthed, his breathing still labored.

"Fuck, Aloy," he groaned. "If I hadn't just finished, I'd have you underneath me right now for that."

With a resigned sigh, he fished over the side of the bed for his scarf and, finding it, began dabbing at the mess on her stomach. When he finished, he grimaced and threw it back on to the ground, then rolled on to his back.

Aloy fingered one of the beads in her hair, suddenly unsure of what to do. Should she get up and get dressed? It somehow felt wrong to act so casually after such a momentous step for her, and even though that her curiosity had been sated, something within her still ached to be touched, to be held by him. Although, if he just wanted to get out of bed and move on, she supposed she could deal with it.

She was saved from her indecision by Nil hooking a strong arm around her and tugging her against him, and a sigh of relief escaped her. Nuzzling into the comfort of his broad chest, she allowed her eyes to drift shut.

"Are you feeling any better, huntress?" he asked after several sleepy minutes, and she stole a glance up at his face. He was frowning, and if she didn't know any better, it was concern that was shadowing his face.

"Much," she said with a small smile, tilting her head up to give him a lingering kiss. His hand came up to cradle the curve of her cheek, and for awhile their lips moved together lazily. Nil broke away first and pressed his forehead against hers.

"Aloy, I..." His eyes darted away, then focused back on her. "Seeing you so upset...it bothers me, digs at me."

She wasn't quite sure what to say, so she kissed him again instead.

"Anything you need, just ask it of me," he said when they parted, and he pulled her to his chest again, his grip on her tightening almost to the point of discomfort. "As long as it takes that look from your eyes, I'll do it."

"I don't think you can solve this problem for me, Nil."

His eyes narrowed. "Well, I could have a few words with that fucking Sun-cursed _child_ -"

"Don't get involved," she said, cutting him off sharply. "I mean it."

His fingers slid under her chin, and he tilted her head up as he regarded her.

"As you wish, my huntress," he murmured, sealing his lips over hers one more time. "But for now, we need to dress. We have a meeting to attend, and there's no reason to be careless and risk his Radiance walking in on us like this."

She winced, not wanting to entertain that thought for any longer than necessary. "You're right. Going on what Kanov said, though, we have probably another hour or so to kill before the Conclave meets."

He shrugged loosely. "Show me around, then."

Reluctantly, she removed herself from Nil and his warmth. They dressed in mostly silence, and Aloy made sure she tidied up the blankets on the bed as best she could, shoving Nil's scarf between them. A a small patch of wetness stained the sheets - they would have to be washed. Hopefully, Avad wouldn't notice in the meantime.

"Ready?" Nil asked, adjusting his headdress one last time. A surge of wistfulness washed over Aloy - she already missed the naked vulnerability they had only just shared. Some of it must have shown on her face, because suddenly Nil was in front of her again.

"When are you expected back in the Sundom?" she blurted out, staring down at the ground and bracing herself. She might as well be as prepared as she possibly could be for when she said goodbye to him next.

"I'm not."

Aloy jerked her head up, and Nil chuckled and looped his arms around her waist, playfully bumping his hips into hers.

"I suppose I forgot to mention that I've been reassigned. Someone else will be taking over messenger duty, and I'm to stay with you and Avad unless entirely necessary. You spooked the Captain with your injury, and he thought it best that I remain here with you."

Aloy couldn't stop the expression of utter relief that spread over her face, and with a pleased smirk, Nil leaned over and gave her a quick kiss before stepping away and opening the tent flap. The brilliant sunlight streaming in from outside illuminated half of his face as he tilted his head.

"Now, come on. Give me the grand tour."

\--

It didn't take long for Aloy to decide that having company on one of her walks through Viatr made them much more enjoyable. She had been surprised when had Nil automatically offered her an arm - most likely a habit left over from his upbringing, she had reasoned - but she had latched on to it gratefully. 

"You know, this place overwhelmed me when we first arrived," she said, glancing around with a fond smile as they strolled down a street banked on either side by kennels full of clanging Bolters. "It's not so bad anymore. Sort of like Meridian, but cozier."

"I've found that when you're an observer rather than in the thick of the action, it helps," Nil remarked, angling his head towards her. "If you can melt into the sheltering safety of the shadows, it becomes much easier to stomach the stench of others."

She eyed him with a wry grin. "I don't think you're going to be melting into any shadows with that headdress of yours, Nil."

He gave her a look. "It's a part of who I am, huntress, and you can pry it from my cold, dead corpse. I've gotten used to working around it, anyway."

Aloy shrugged. "You shouldn't feel the need to wear it around me anymore, at least, now that I've seen you without it so many times."

A devious grin split his lips. "Yes, you certainly have. Among other things." 

She shrieked in shocked protest as he scooped her up by the waist and hauled her into the shadows of a side alley, settling her against the wall of a tent. She tried her best to look admonishing; but when he nuzzled into the crook of her neck, his beard tickling at the sensitive skin there, she broke down into a fit of giggles and squirmed against him. As he was about to claim her lips with his own, a loud cough sounded behind them.

"Children. Take your _activities_ elsewhere. This is a holy place."

Nil only looked mildly annoyed, but Aloy wrestled herself from his grasp, her face glowing as red as the feathers on his head. She turned around and came face to face with a robust, elderly woman clad in what looked like some kind of ceremonial garb.

"We apologize," she said, mortified. "We weren't aware that this, uh, was...um..."

"A shrine to Nas," the woman said sternly. "And I am its priestess."

Despite the circumstance, Aloy's endless well of curiosity had been stirred.

"I didn't know the Munishka had shrines," she blurted out, then winced. "I mean, of course you do! You have a religion, so why wouldn't you have a place to worship? Right?"

Nil guffawed behind her and, gritting her teeth, she elbowed him roughly. The priestess regarded the pair for a moment, then sighed heavily and shuffled out of the alley.

"Follow me, then. I can show you inside."

Nil began to protest, but Aloy shot him a fiery look, and with a resigned groan, he followed the two women.

They were led into a small, intimate space, richly decorated with warm bolts of fabric and trim. The heady smell of incense coiled around her in a thick haze, and Aloy could already feel her body relaxing and her eyelids drooping.

At the head of the room sat an elegantly curled metal statue of a serpant-like machine, posed as if it were about to strike at some unseen enemy. It was surrounded by small offerings of coins, bread, and goblets of the fermented Munishka beverage she had seen Kanov drink with nearly every meal. Aloy studied it for awhile while Nil remained near the entryway, blatant disinterest written all over his face.

"Nas of the Boundless Sky," said the priestess after several minutes as she went to collect some of the offerings in a woven basket. "She soars above the White Sand Sea, protecting the Munishka from those who would seek to harm us. Long ago, it was she who guided our ancestors out of madness and to water and food, and she has watched over us since."

"She's beautiful," Aloy said softly.

"You should see her in person," the older woman said wistfully. "Every year, we Munishka make a pilgrimage to receive her blessing. Nothing compares to the grace of her weaving through the skies above."

"I hate to interrupt this _fascinating_ conversation," Nil drawled out, and Aloy shot him a glare. "But the huntress and I have a meeting with the Conclave to attend, and I suspect we're already running late."

"Of course," the priestess said, waving a hand dismissively. "Go in peace."

As Nil circled an arm snugly around her waist and guided her from the tent, Aloy prodded at his side. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yes?"

"You didn't need to be so rude, Nil."

"Religion isn't exactly my thing, huntress," he said, a sneer curling his lips. "I had that spoiled for me years ago by my uncle and Avad's dear old father."

"Your uncle?" Aloy asked, interested. She had never heard Nil speak about his family beyond his parents.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said flatly, and she let the subject drop. Instead, she wrapped an arm around him and squeezed, and when he looked down at her, his eyes were fond again.

"Come on. We really are cutting it close with the meeting, and we wouldn't want to impose upon our guests."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating has been raised to explicit. (Yay!!!)
> 
> So, as predicted, I had to skip updating on Sunday(I hope this makes up for it though!). Being out of town means I haven't had a ton of time to write, and I like to have at least a three chapter lead for editing purposes. We're heading home on Monday, so I'm not going to be updating again until next Wednesday. Hopefully I'll be able to resume twice weekly updates once I'm home!
> 
> Not much to say about this one because it's mostly smut with a dash of worldbuilding, other than Aloy deserves the chance to act like a teenager, damnit(even if it means being caught)! I also love how she refuses to admit that she really wants those amazing afterglow cuddles. Good thing she has Nil to anticipate her needs. :P I imagine he'd be incredibly physically in touch with her, considering they're both physical people.
> 
> I will say that writing smut that's not all about feelings/the culmination of feelings is very difficult for me. This was more about Aloy having a sexual awakening though, so although it took me awhile to write, I got through it!!
> 
> I do post on my [tumblr](http://kittleskittle.tumblr.com) when I'm going to be late with an update, plus WIPs and snippets, so come follow me!! Also [here](https://imgur.com/a/X1WDglf) is an Aloy/Nil painting I did while editing this chapter because feelings.


	11. Ribbons and Plaits

When Nil and Aloy returned, Avad was already standing inside their tent, and he wheeled on them furiously.

"By the Sun, where have you two been?"

"We went for a walk," Aloy said, thankful that Nil had at least had the sense to remove his arm from around her waist before they had walked in.

"You're going to make us look ungrateful," Avad snapped. "And that is the _last_ thing we need right now. Now - do as I say, and follow behind me. Your impulsivity nearly ruined our first encounter with the Conclave, Aloy, so-"

Before he could complete his sentence, Nil was towering over him, his fingers just barely grazing the hilt of his knife.

"Do not," he said with deceptive softness, " _ever_ speak to her that way again."

"Nil!" Aloy hissed, grabbing his arm. "Stop it!"

Avad took a deep breath and carded his fingers through his hair.

"No - no, Aloy, he's right. Please, forgive me. This has been a stressful time for us all, I think, but I shouldn't have spoken to you in such a way."

"Rein in that temper of yours, your Radiance," Nil said lowly, his voice almost a growl. "Otherwise..."

Avad balled his hands into fists.

"Is that a threat?"

Nil only stared daggers at him until Aloy, finally fed up, shoved herself between the two of them.

"Enough!" she yelled. "What's wrong with you two? You're acting _ridiculous_!"

Avad thrust his chin up and strode out of the tent, but Nil lingered for a moment as he gathered up a large rucksack.

"Aloy, I-"

"I know what you were trying to do, Nil," she said sharply, putting up a hand. "But I told you not to get involved, and I can speak for myself. I don't need you to protect me."

Regret shadowed his face. "I know, huntress."

She gave a resigned sigh, sagging a bit, and gestured at the entrance.

"Just... let's go. Try not make him any more angry than he already is."

When they stepped outside and began walking towards the Conclave tent, Avad fell into step beside her while Nil trailed behind quietly.

"Aloy," he said anxiously. "Please know that I didn't mean anything I said back there."

"What do you want me to say, Avad?" She sighed wearily and stared down at her feet. "You barely speak to me as it is, and when you do, it's this?"

He remained silent, and she gave a bitter chuckle.

"Are you sure you aren't trying to push me away on purpose? Because you're starting to make that decision really easy for me."

"Aloy, no. That's never been my intention. I only meant to make things easier for you." His eyes were pleading as he grabbed her arm, but she wrenched it from him. 

"Don't touch me," she bit out. "Wouldn't want to break your own rules, _your Radiance_."

Avad's expression was so panicked and so creased with pain that, for a brief instant, she felt a far away pang of guilt. But they had reached the Conclave tent, and with a disgusted sigh, she stormed inside. 

The councilors were milling about the room, and High Councilor Ayska spotted them as soon as they entered.

"Our esteemed guests!" she said, and her smile was so bright it was nearly blinding as she glided to their side. "We are still waiting on a couple of councilors."

"Oh, thank the Sun," Avad chuckled, seeming to slip effortlessly into his role of the charming king, and his hand settled on her upper arm briefly. Aloy narrowed her eyes. "Ayska, my dear! I believed we were late."

"No, no," Ayska said with a hand wave. "It can be difficult to gather the entire Conclave on such short notice. As I explained to you yesterday, we are a people who prefer to keep busy."

It was clear that Ayska and Avad had, by the sound of it, been spending _a lot_ of time together. Aloy's teeth ground together as she desperately tried to keep her envy at bay. She reminded herself furiously that she was angry with Avad - there was no reason she should jealous.

Ayska's sparkling blue eyes fixed on Nil then, and she turned that brilliant smile on him.

"Ah! Forgive me for not introducing myself. I am High Councilor Ayska. I take it you are Sun-King Avad's messenger?"

Nil looked bored as usual as he replied, "Was. I've been reassigned."

She didn't seem deterred by his disinterest, however, and raised a finely arched brow.

"I see. And what is your name?"

"Nil."

"My, that is an unusual name!"

"It was one of my choosing."

"How interesting!" she tittered, laying a hand on his forearm. Nil immediately tensed up, and Aloy had to press her lips into a tight line to keep from laughing. "Well, Nil, you are welcome to share in our hospitality!"

He stared at her blankly until she turned, at last, to Aloy.

"Seeker Aloy," she said, her smile softening somewhat. "Forgive me for my boldness, but I must say, you look simply stunning in our dress. Those colors are lovely on you."

Caught entirely off guard by Ayska's kind compliment, Aloy drew back a bit. "Oh, um...thank you."

"Vanyia has told me much about you. I regret that I have not had the opportunity to meet with you, as I have with Avad," she said. "I would like to spend some time with our most elusive guest. If you are not otherwise occupied, would you do me the honor of joining me for dinner tonight? I would very much like to learn more about you."

"Uh, sure?" Aloy said haltingly. There was no way to refuse Ayska's offer without seeming rude, and she begrudgingly admitted to herself that the High Councilor actually seemed...nice. The sound of a choked noise had her eyes sliding to Nil, who was fixing her with that infuriating smirk of his.

"Excuse me," he said nonchalantly.

The last of the councilors, a middle aged man, hurried in, and with one last smile at Aloy, Ayska sashayed to the front of the room and settled in her seat.

"This meeting of the Viatr Conclave has been called to interrogate Sun-King Avad's messenger in preparation for the High Conclave being convened in a week's time," she said primly. "Nil of the Carja, please step forward."

Nil did as he was told, and the next half hour was spent with him answering what seemed like endless questions - curtly, of course - from nearly every single one of the Viatr councilors. Aloy shifted back and forth restlessly on her feet several times, even as Avad shot her mildly irritated looks. Finally, Ayska called for evidence to be presented, and Nil reached into the bag slung over his shoulder, pulling out several tightly wound scrolls.

"Notes on the enemy's movements from the Sun-King's spymaster, Blameless Marad," he explained, handing them to a pageboy. "Including a sealed missive for any potential allies."

Ayska unrolled and leafed through the documents, the crease between her brow deepening with every new page. When she finished reading the scroll bearing the red seal of the Radiant House, she passed the bundle of parchment off to a neighboring councilor, wrote something down into a leather-bound book, then sat back with calculating, narrowed eyes.

"This is...very thorough," she said. "I believe it will be enough to convince the High Conclave - it certainly is enough for me." She glanced between the other councilors as they murmured in agreement.

"I thank you and the entirety of the Viatr Conclave for you time and assistance, High Councilor Ayska," Avad said with a bowed head. "I will not forget this. You have my, and the Sundom's, gratitude."

Ayska dipped her head in a nod, then called an end to the meeting.

\--

Later that evening, Aloy stood hesitantly outside of Ayska's roomy tent, worrying at the hem of her sleeve. When Aloy had realized she had no idea where she was going, Avad had given her directions - politely, at least. She pushed any thoughts of him from of her mind, determined to focus on making a good impression on the High Councilor.

Before she could gather herself and ring the string of bells hanging outside the door, Ayska poked her head out, a girlish grin lighting up her face.

"Ah, I thought I heard someone out here! Aloy!"

"High Councilor," she said politely, clasping her hands together in front of her.

Ayska made an extremely undignified noise. "Please, it is just Ayska to you. Now, come in!"

When Aloy stepped inside, her eyes were immediately overwhelmed and couldn't find a place to settle. She knew the Munishka preferred rich surroundings as a rule, but this went way beyond that. Decoration blanketed _everything_ \- even the elegant furniture of wood and metal bore intricate carvings, and every inch of the walls were covered in some scrap of bright fabric or machine part. In the middle sat a curving table bearing all manner of delicacies - some she had seen before, others entirely new.

"I was not sure what kind of food you preferred," Ayska said, walking to the table and pulling out a chair. She gestured for Aloy to sit. "So I requested a little bit of everything. I hope this is fine."

"Oh, no, it's great!" Aloy replied, and, unsure of what else to say, she began to load up the plate in front of her with anything that looked even remotely appealing. After the day she had, she was ravenous. Ayska observed her with twitching lips, and began to fill her own plate.

"I am glad. I imagine a women of your occupation has to eat quite a lot, no?"

"Oh, yeah," Aloy said, and she could feel herself beginning to relax. "It's honestly a pain to keep up with at times, especially on the road."

Ayska studied her for several moments, and Aloy shifted self-consciously in her chair.

"Tell me more about yourself, Aloy." Her voice was warm.

"I, um...well, there's not much to say," Aloy said with an awkward laugh. "I come from a tribe called the Nora, east of the Sundom, and I've spent the last few years traveling and hunting machines."

"And how did you meet Avad?" Ayska asked, taking a delicate bite of some rabbit.

Aloy tensed up again, and her reply came out more harsh than she intended. "Mutual interest. Why?"

Ayska sat back, blinking rapidly. "I was only curious-oh, I see." 

"See what?"

She giggled softly. "Aloy, I can assure you I am not interested in the Sun-King. I can see why my behavior would lead you to this conclusion, however, and I apologize."

A blush warmed Aloy's face. "No, it's not like that, I-"

Ayska waved a hand at her. "I am not blind, Aloy. It is nothing to be embarrassed about - he is objectively a very handsome man." A playful smile quirked at her lips. "As is your friend, Nil."

Instead of responding, Aloy dipped her head and shoved an enormous bite of smoked boar sausage into her mouth, although a sense of relief filled her at the other woman's reassurances. Thankfully, Ayska changed the subject.

"I have been meaning to say...Aloy, your hair, it is gorgeous." She leaned forward and stared up at Aloy through her long, fine lashes. "Does it often become difficult to deal with when you are traveling?"

Aloy's smiled shyly at the compliment, and she shrugged. "It's not the worst task, but I've thought about changing it. I'm not sure how I would style, it though. I don't exactly want to cut it."

Ayska tilted her head, tapping at her lips with a finger. "What about cutting just the front - your fringe? If you kept it shorter, you would not need to braid it back, and maintaining it would be easy. If it does get in your way, a length of fabric could keep it pushed back."

Aloy sat back, her brow creasing in thought. She hadn't considered such a style in long time - in fact, she hadn't worn her bangs short since she was a child. "That's actually not a horrible idea."

"Well, would you like me to cut it?" Ayska asked, excitement flashing through her eyes. "I cut my own hair, and the hair of many of my friends. It would be no trouble."

She frowned as she chewed on a bite of potato dumpling, considering Ayska's offer. So much had shifted in Aloy's life recently - what was one more thing? Since Avad, even since Nil this morning, something within her had been stirred, and she found herself yearning for change. She had grown tired of being so static - the same clothing, the same hair, the same old fears and insecurities - and the more she thought about it, the more the idea of altering such a major aspect of her appearance appealed to her. There was no hesitation in her movements when she shrugged and nodded.

"Sure."

Ayska squealed and clasped her hands over her mouth, and Aloy found herself giggling along with the other woman and her infectious energy. The more time she spent with the High Councilor, the more she was growing to actually like her.

They finished their meals quickly after that, and Ayska sprang to her feet to gather supplies; while she scurried about, Aloy unwound her braids. A sheet of roughly woven cloth was spread over the richly carpeted floor, and Ayska dragged one of the chairs on top of it, motioning for Aloy to take a seat. After rummaging through a neatly stacked box, she produced a pair of shears and snapped them open and shut dramatically.

"Are you ready?" she said in a hushed voice.

"Yes, go ahead," Aloy chuckled. She squared her shoulders and held still as best she could.

Ayska's fingers smoothed over her hair as she separated the top layer from the rest of it.

"So thick!" she exclaimed, working at it with a wide-toothed comb."My hair is so fine in comparison."

"It's a pain," Aloy said with a laugh. "But your hair is pretty too - your ribbons are beautiful.

"Thank you, Aloy." Ayska's voice was soft, almost shy. "Would you like me to put a few in your braids after I finish cutting?"

"I'd like that."

A few careful snips of her scissors later, and Ayska finished her bangs - Aloy was almost disappointed at how anti-climactic the process had been. It took much longer for Ayska to sort through and braid her hair, weaving several green and blue ribbons into the plaits. When she was done, she held up a highly polished metal plate, and Aloy bit her lip as she studied her reflection.

It was different, yes - but she liked it, quite a lot. Her bangs were swept off to one side, covering most of her forehead, and the ribbons in her braids wound through Ayska's intricate braidwork in pretty pops of color. Aloy had never considered herself particularly vain, but the new style made her look softer, much more feminine, and it was a welcome change. Briefly, she wondered if Nil and Avad would like it - then immediately dismissed that girlish, silly thought. _She_ liked it, and that's what was important.

"Ayska, it's amazing," Aloy said, handing the mirror back to her. 

"Really?" Ayska asked, clutching the mirror to her chest. "I am so happy to hear that! I think this style suits you!"

Aloy stood and threw her arms around the other woman in a tight hug as emotion overwhelmed her, and she had to blink back a few tears. Having someone be so friendly towards her -especially another woman - beyond Nil and Avad was a welcome change of pace. It was something she hadn't realized she'd needed, and she found herself already wanting to spend more time with the councilor. When Aloy pulled away, Ayska was very red but giving her a small smile.

"Thank you, so much," Aloy said with a chuckle, wiping at her eyes. "But it's getting late, and I'm sure Avad and Nil are waiting up for me."

"Of course. I had a lovely time," Ayska said, guiding her to the doorway. She shifted on her feet for a few seconds then stood on her toes and pressed a gentle kiss to Aloy's cheek. "Have a good night, Aloy. Let us meet again soon."

\--

Avad did a double take when she walked in, his eyes widening as they settled on her head.

"Aloy," he said, blinking. "Your hair. It's... different."

Nil glanced over at her from where he was lounging on the bed, and a wide grin spread slowly over his face.

"Well, hello, huntress," he said, his voice a low rumble. "Ribbons and plaits and a new cut. Don't you look lovely?"

She could see the tension coiling in Avad's shoulders, but she ignored it - let him be jealous. It wasn't her responsibility to handle.

"Thanks, Nil," she said. "Ayska cut it for me."

Nil made a face and shuddered. "I don't like that woman. She wields touch and beauty as well as you or I do a bow."

Aloy rolled her eyes as she removed her apron. "She's really not so bad. You've just spent too long playing feral beast in the wilderness."

Avad snorted at this, and Nil raised his eyebrows. 

"At least I'm not the one falling over myself to impress someone who wouldn't give me a second glance."

Now Aloy's curiousity was piqued. "What do you mean, Nil?"

"Oh, Aloy," he sighed, shaking his head. "Oblivious as always."

"Hey, that's not fair," she grumbled. "And I still don't know what you're talking about."

Avad cleared his throat. 

"I believe what Nil is attempting to say is that Ayska clearly prefers women, Aloy."

Aloy blinked a few times as realization dawned on her. "Oh. _Oh_."

"And I am not 'falling over myself', as you put it, Nil," Avad said firmly. "I am simply playing the game of politics - as is Ayska."

Nil rolled his eyes. "Whatever you want to call it, your Radiance. Regardless, it's probably time for bed. I want to get up early tomorrow and get some practice with my bow in. I can feel my skill fading more every day we go without battle, and I got a tip about some training grounds just outside camp."

"Mind if I join you?" Aloy asked eagerly. Since being wounded, she hadn't had much of an opportunity for physical exertion beyond her walks, and she could feel herself beginning to become restless now that the cut on her belly was fading to a scar.

"Of course not, huntress." He grinned at her, something heated flashing in his eyes, and she had to suppress a shiver. "It would definitely make things more _interesting_."

Avad looked between the two of them, frowning, but he didn't say anything, much to Aloy's relief.

"All right," she sighed, bending over to take off her shoes. "Nil, get up."

"No."

She narrowed her eyes at him and slowly straightened. "You're laying on my bed. Get up."

"Either sleep next to me or on the floor," he said, climbing underneath the covers. "I don't care. This bed is comfortable, and I've only just returned from a very long journey."

"Nil," Avad said in warning. Nil gave him an unimpressed look, then turned over so his back was facing the two of them.

Aloy blew out an irritated puff of air. Neither option was particularly appealing, although if Avad were elsewhere she would have happily climbed into bed beside Nil. Still, sleeping on the bed did seem like the safer bet - she was still supposed to be angry with Avad, and his propensity to roll over in the middle of the night to seek out a warm body could prove problematic.

"Obnoxious man," she muttered as she slid into bed beside Nil. She stole a quick glance down at Avad, then had to look away again from the naked longing written all over his face. She clenched her jaw and rolled over to face Nil's back. Not her problem, she reminded herself again, but without much conviction.

As Avad turned the lantern out, the bed shifted and fingers brushed lightly over the arch of her hip and up her side.

"Goodnight, huntress," Nil murmured, and his beard grazed over her skin as he pressed a brief kiss against her cheek.

As Aloy laid there, her heart pounding, she could only wonder when her life had become so complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Damnit_ , Avad. :P Look guys, I promise things will get better between him and Aloy soon even if it doesn't seem like it. I love him A LOT(like, he's probably my favorite hzd character) but he's gotta grow a little, and Aloy needed to stop putting him on the pedestal of perfectly kind and sweet Avad who she doesn't deserve. And now Nil is posturing and...yeah. Dramaaa.
> 
> New hair and female friendship! YEAH! Aloy's hair is straight out of the art book. When I got it for my birthday I just sat there for ten minutes freaking out about her hair in the concept art. IT'S GORGEOUS! Although it also serves the narrative - she's starting to embrace her femininity and womanhood a little more while still being a strong, kick-ass lady. :D
> 
> So I kind of have an announcement - I'm going to have to drop updates down to once a week on Wednesdays. BUT there's a good reason for this. My chapter lengths are starting to increase as I dig into plot and complex character work - like, the next one is 5k words. I'd like to start writing longer chapters as a rule and have more time to edit them. Going away for two weeks meant I didn't have much time to write, so I need to catch up. As far as overall length, I have no idea anymore. The Munishka arc of the story was originally meant to conclude at chapter 15, but...it's looking more like chapter 18 now because there's a lot I want to explore. This story is definitely going to end up around 40 chapters (to think my initial estimate was 25... lmao).
> 
> I guess I'm gonna start putting my art here, so here's some of [Avad.](https://kittleskittle.tumblr.com/post/190858722045/uneasy-lies-the-head-that-wears-a-crown-guys-i)
> 
> Anyway, see you guys next week for some more drama, plus Nil and Aloy training and sparring together!


	12. Your Sky, All Hung with Jewels

Aloy awoke the next morning with a start, and after a few drowsy moments she realized that the sun had yet to rise. She was nestled warmly against a loudly snoring Nil, her face buried in his hair, and she defiantly shut her eyes and nuzzled into him further. He gave a soft moan but didn't otherwise stir.

"Aloy."

Avad's quiet voice sounded out in the darkness of the tent, and she stubbornly pretended to still be asleep.

"I know you're awake."

With an irritated sigh, she reluctantly separated herself from Nil's glorious warmth and rolled over.

"What is it, Avad?"

He was standing by the side of the bed peering down at her, his mouth contorted into the frown he always seemed to be wearing these days.

"I thought we could speak."

"This early?" She squinted up at him in disbelief.

"I...I could not sleep very well," he said, glancing away for a moment. "At this point, I would need to be awake for my morning prayers soon anyway."

"Ugh, fine," she groaned, rolling on to her back. "Just give me a few minutes."

Avad nodded once. "I'll be waiting outside."

It only took Aloy a couple of minutes to pull on a loose shirt, her belt, leggings, and boots. When she stepped outside, Avad was standing a few feet away, staring at the faintly glowing sky to the east. Not a single other person was out, and Viatr was so totally quiet, it was as if the entire camp was holding its breath. Avad's eyes met hers when she came to his side.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, forcing herself to keep the annoyance from her voice. Their situation was already strained, and she saw no reason to agitate it any further.

He blew out a breath and ruffled a hand through his hair. "You and Nil."

She stared at him incredulously. "You dragged me outside before sunrise for _this_?"

"Aloy-"

"You know what? No. I'm not doing this with you right now." She whipped around, glaring furiously at him when he grabbed her arm.

"Aloy, _please_ ," Avad said, his voice breaking. It was then that she noticed just how tired, how rundown he was - heavy bags sat under his bloodshot eyes, his normally perfectly arranged curls were in total disarray, and his clothes were wrinkled and crumpled. A pang of guilt shot through her, and despite the fury boiling in her gut, she stopped.

"Fine. Say it."

"There's something going on between you two," he said quietly. "I'm not so unobservant that I can't see that. I came back to the tent yesterday and - well, let's just say I have a good idea of what happened."

"Get to the point," she said, rubbing at her eyes. "Because I'm failing to see how that's any of your business."

"Not my business?" He stared at her. "Aloy, it's only been a week since I asked you to contemplate becoming my _wife_ , and you're already climbing into bed with another man."

"You don't own me," she snapped. "What I do until then is my choice, and mine alone. If you were so concerned about my activities, maybe you should have considered that before you chose to discard me like I meant nothing to you."

"You mean everything to me," he said, anguish lining his eyes. "I don't want to lose you."

"I was never yours to lose, Avad," Aloy said softly. "And you've been doing a fantastic job of ensuring that I never will be, either."

He stumbled back as if she had slapped him, his eyes wide. It was at this moment that Nil emerged from the tent with Aloy's lance and both of their bows and quivers slung over his back, and she was mildly surprised when she noticed that he lacked both his armor and headdress. Coming to her side, he handed her the lance and placed a hand on her lower back.

"Are you ready to go, huntress?" he asked lowly.

Aloy angled her head up. "Yeah. Let's get out of here."

As they walked away, Nil wrapped an arm entirely around her waist, and she leaned into him, trying to even out her breathing. 

"How much of that did you hear?" she asked.

"Enough to know when to intercede," Nil replied tersely.

"I don't understand what he expects from me," she said, frustration welling up inside of her. "I'm playing by his rules, and it's still not enough. He's acting as if I'm already bound to him, which he specifically didn't want yet."

"Avad's under a lot of pressure, but he shouldn't be treating you so poorly." Nil took a deep breath. "Aloy, the way he spoke to you yesterday...I felt only murderous rage. Fear is generally foreign to me, but I was afraid of what I might do if he began to talk to you like that again. I've been trying to respect your wishes and not get involved, but there's only so much I can stand by and watch. You have every right to be angry with me."

Aloy came to a halt as his words sank in. The fact that someone - Nil, to boot - actually cared about what she said and felt had her heart clenching painfully in her chest and a burst of giddiness fluttering in her belly. Turning and standing on her toes, she slanted her mouth over his in a deep kiss, and with a pleased groan, he drew her against him. When she pulled away, breathless, the corners of his lips twitched - not with the beginnings of a smirk, but an actual smile.

"I'm not angry, Nil," she said softly. "That means a lot, actually."

"If you say so," he said, and a playful gleam flickered in his eyes as he tugged her closer. "I have to say, sleeping next to you last night and being unable to touch you or kiss you was the worst kind of torture."

"Oh?" She brushed her nose against his and looked up at him through her eyelashes.

He tilted his head down until his lips were just barely touching her ear. "Now that I've had a taste of you, I find myself craving more."

Heat flooded her core as his teeth grazed along the slender arch of her neck, and for a moment she forgot everything, including the fact that they were standing in the middle of a very public thruway.

"It's a shame we can't find more privacy," she murmured.

"Patience, my huntress - I might have a solution for that. I promise you'll have me at your mercy again sooner than you think," he purred, and with a final kiss to her pulse point, he straightened and slung an arm over her shoulders. "For now though, we need to find those training grounds. As eager as I am to make you sing, I'm equally excited to do the same to the Voice of Our Teeth."

"Damn Avad," she grumbled as they resumed walking.

Nil looked down at her with a sly grin. "Would a few well-placed arrows help? I could shoot him in his-"

" _No_ , Nil." She bumped her hip against his. "But shooting something might help."

"I'd let you shoot me if it would make you feel better." He appeared entirely serious, and Aloy shook her head with an amused sigh.

"I don't think that's necessary. But thank you."

His hand came up to cup the side of her head, and he leaned over to drop a kiss on the top of it. "Anytime, huntress."

"So, how did you find out about these training grounds?" she asked after a moment.

"I stayed behind after the meeting yesterday and was approached by one of the Dragoons," Nil said. "He was interested in my armor, so we spoke. One of the least irritating individuals I've met lately."

"Will he be joining us?"

Nil shrugged. "I didn't think to ask. I assume there will be others there, but as long as no one gets in my way, we won't have an issue."

"How did you ever survive being a soldier?" Aloy asked, her lips twitching with suppressed laughter.

"Very uncomfortably," was his muttered response.

They walked on in companionable silence for several minutes, the tents and general signs of civilization becoming sparser the further they went, and it didn't take long before what were obviously the training grounds came into sight as the sky lightened with the rising sun. It was a large, dusty space, the ground beaten down to a uniform flatness by countless footfalls. Several worn targets and dummies sat scattered about, along with impressively stocked racks of blunted practice weapons - mostly in the style of the spears the Dragoons carried, but Aloy could pick out a few crossbows and shortswords. In one corner, splashes of white paint created a spacious ring, clearly meant for sparring. A couple of people were already milling about, testing the weight of a weapon or stretching to warm up their muscles. 

One of these people, a short but broad man, turned to them as they came to the edge of the grounds and inclined his head.

"You showed, outlander."

"As I told you, I'm in need of the practice," Nil said mildly as he handed Aloy her bow and quiver. She secured the latter to her belt, its familiar weight settling comfortingly against her hip.

The man eyed Aloy.

"Your friend, too."

"She's the Sun-King's guard. She's been sidelined by an injury and needs the practice even more than I."

"Thank you for allowing us use of your facilities," she said politely. "I'm Aloy. What's your name?"

"Yuris," he replied gruffly.

"It's, ah, nice to meet you, Yuris." He only grunted in reply, and she raised her eyebrows and angled towards Nil. "Well, I suppose we should get started."

"Use any of the equipment. If you break it, you either fix it or pay for it to be fixed."

"Noted," Nil said as he sorted through his arrows. Without another word, Yuris ambled back towards one of the dummies.

"I can see why he didn't irritate you," Aloy muttered, glancing back. "He barely speaks, and when he does, he's very blunt."

"You can't imagine how relieved I was to learn that not all of the Munishka are disgustingly talkative," Nil said in a chipper voice, and his bowstring twanged as he plucked at it. "So, what do you say, huntress? Best of three rounds, ten shots each?"

"You're on," Aloy said with a grin, and they set up in front of two hole-ridden targets. 

It was rough going - although her precision hadn't suffered much, her accuracy had. Her arrows landed in a tight cluster, but they gathered off to the right rather than dead center as she was accustomed to. After the first round, she lowered her bow and studied it with a frustrated huff. Being wounded and unable to practice for the past two and a half weeks had affected her skill more than she could have anticipated, and disappointment welled up in her. She eyed Nil's target and its neat grouping of centered shots with no small amount of jealousy.

"This isn't a fair matchup right now," Aloy groused, shoving her arrows back into her quiver. "Give me a couple of days, and I'll have you beat."

"Keep going, huntress," Nil said, and she was surprised to hear encouragement in his tone rather than the teasing she would have expected. He must have seen it on her face, because he frowned at her. 

"What? I understand your frustration. I've been in your shoes many times before. Where there should have been a spatter of blood and the fading light of glassy eyes, there's only cold disappointment that your body won't cooperate."

Aloy sighed and, squaring herself, drew another arrow. Nil studied her for a few seconds, then came up behind her and placed his hands on her hips.

"Allow me," he said, his breath dancing along the skin of her neck. "Your stance is very slightly off, and it's causing your balance to shift upon release, pulling your shots to the right. Lean into my hand here - there you go. Try again."

Loosing the arrow, Aloy made a pleased noise when it arced gracefully through the air and slammed right into the center of the target. The next several did as well, and when she finished her grouping was almost as neat as Nil's had been. An ecstatic smile split her lips, and she whirled around and threw her arms around him.

"Thank you, Nil. That probably would have taken me another day to figure that out on my own."

He squeezed her briefly, then let go. "That's what I'm here for, huntress. Now, let's not get complacent. Another three rounds."

After that, Aloy was able to relax and lose herself in the steady rhythm of draw and release. The grounds were quiet beyond an occasional grunt of exertion or the dull thud of a weapon hitting a dummy, and she allowed her mind to wander. Spending the past day in near constant contact with Nil had been more fun than she could have ever guessed, and having a regular partner to practice her skills with was a luxury she hadn't had since Rost. If someone had told Aloy a month ago that she would find companionship and understanding in Nil of all people, she would have laughed until tears were streaming down her face. But he was kind to her, almost sweet in his own way, and she found herself wondering how she could make him smile at her as he almost had this morning. 

"Much better," Nil praised when she dropped her bow for the final time. "We'll have to find time to go on a hunt soon."

"I hope you mean the type involving machines," she said, her eyes narrowing.

He rolled his eyes. "Of course, huntress. Did you see any bandits on the way here?"

"What now?" she asked as they collected the last of the arrows, glancing around the training grounds. The sun had risen almost entirely, and more people were beginning to trickle in.

"Would you like to spar?" A smirk played on his lips. "My knife and your lance?"

She shifted on her feet uneasily. "I don't know, Nil. My strength still isn't where it was before."

"That's why you need the exercise," he said, grabbing at her wrist and tugging insistently. "Come on, I'll go easy on you."

She sighed in exasperation but allowed him to lead her towards the ring. 

Luckily, no one else was using the sparring ring at the moment, so they placed their equipment off to the side and stood at opposite ends of the wide circle. Nil drew his knife as he crouched into a wide-legged stance, and the glint of desire in his eye was so similar to the one she had seen yesterday morning that she felt her mouth go dry.

"Are you ready?" he asked, his voice low, almost sensual. Aloy licked her lips as she nodded and, adjusting her grip on her lance, darted forward.

Nil easily dodged her first strike, dancing around her on deft feet as she backed away again. Her unblinking gaze followed him - years spent in the wilderness had made the former soldier as sharp and as relentless as a Stormbird. She had witnessed it many times in the bandit camps as they were fighting through them, and now that this particular skill had been turned on her, she intended to take it very seriously and keep eyes on him at all times.

Despite keeping this in mind, it didn't take long for her to slip up. As Aloy strafed to her left and glanced to the side for a moment, Nil didn't hesitate - his knife sliced towards her in a brutal swing. She threw her lance up to block it at the last second, gritting her teeth as he bore down on her with crushing strength. Her muscles trembling with exertion, she cried out and threw him off of her, then ducked and rolled to the side as he swung at her again. Beads of sweat trickled down from her forehead and stung at her eyes as she jumped to her feet, her breathing already strained.

"What's the matter, huntress?" Nil taunted, circling her as keenly as a Glinthawk over an untouched pile of scrap. "Growing tired already?"

"Not in the slightest," she bit out, backing away as she searched for even the tiniest hint of an opening.

But unlike her, Nil was in top shape and wasn't even close to being spent enough to make any errors. Frustrated impatience overwhelmed Aloy, and she lunged at him. But a hasty charge meant that her footwork was clumsy, and Nil didn't even bother with the knife this time - as he dodged her, his elbow slammed into her ribs and forced a choking wheeze from her lungs. She stumbled and fell backwards on to the ground. He immediately leapt on top of her and straddled her hips, bringing the razor-sharp edge of his knife to her throat. The hard heat of his cock pressed insistently against her thigh, and a hot spike of wanting pulsed through her despite the burn of her lungs and the ache in her gut.

"Yield," Nil said in a rough voice, the silver gleam of his eyes so dangerous and so hungry that she could only swallow and nod mutely. With visible effort, he pulled his blade from her neck and threw it to the side, staring after it for several moments. When he finally looked back down at her, his gaze had softened tremendously, and Aloy released a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding.

"Sloppy, but we can work at it," he murmured, dragging a few fingers down her cheek. "You lack patience. Not surprising, considering how pent up you've been."

"I think I'm done for now," she gasped out, still struggling to catch her breath. Nil chuckled and rose to his feet, then offered her a hand and helped her up. She sagged against him gratefully as he looped an arm around her.

"I don't know about you, but I could use a bath," he said, stopping for a moment to collect the rest of their supplies. A suggestive smile tugged at his lips as he looked down at her. "Join me?"

"Uh, sure," Aloy said, her cheeks warming, and Nil laughed.

"Still playing the blushing maiden, I see. We'll have to work on that as well."

Bathing was an interesting affair in Viatr - water was generally a scarce resource and often rationed, but the tent city was currently situated close enough to running water that there were no restrictions. In times of drought or scarcity, Vanyia had explained that the open-top bathing tents were closed off and functioned more as saunas. It was normal for families to use individual tents supplied with heated water from perpetually burning fires and bathe together in large metal tubs. It was much like how the Nora functioned in how communal it was, although being an outcast, Aloy was more accustomed to the privacy of a tub within her own home. She knew that the Carja were similar to the Nora and Munishka, although the grand bathhouses of Meridian tended to be segregated on the basis of sex. 

When they arrived at the stuffy, smoke-choked block dedicated to the bathing tents, it was already crowded with people. Nil managed to flag down an attendant, and the harried woman scurried off, soon returning with a bucket of bathing supplies. She led them to an unoccupied tent, lighting the lantern in front to signify that it was in use, then hurried away again without a second glance. Aloy was somewhat relieved to find that couples bathing together was a common enough occurance that no one batted an eye at their sharing a tent, and she relaxed quite a bit as Nil ushered her inside.

A metal basin of steaming water sitting over a bed of dimly glowing coals awaited them, and Nil made a pleased noise as he and Aloy propped their weapons against the wall. The edges of the tub were wide enough to sit the bucket on, so Nil placed it there, then turned and took Aloy's hands in his own after she had discarded her belt.

"You wanted privacy," he said, placing her open palms over his chest. "I found us privacy."

"So you did," Aloy agreed, running her fingertips along the smooth expanse of his torso. Nil shot her a roguish grin.

"You know, sparring with you is exciting in more than one way." 

"I know," she said archly, standing on her toes to kiss him. "I could feel."

"If we were alone, I'd have had you right there." His lips dropped to the thin skin of her collarbone as he slowly undid the ties of her shirt, and he gave a shuddering breath. "I don't know how I'm ever going to stop wanting you, Aloy."

"Who says you have to?" she asked softly, sliding his vest over his arms. He lifted his head, but didn't say anything - he only gave her a strange, sad smile, and an uneasy feeling rose briefly in her. It was forgotten in the next moment when he covered her mouth with his own in a languid kiss and pulled her top from her, leaving her in only leggings and boots.

For some reason, being naked in front of Nil didn't bother her - perhaps it was the appreciative way his gaze raked over the strong curves of her body, or how he seemed to crave the sensation of his bare skin against hers as much as she did. Regardless, she felt no embarassment as she stepped out of her boots and shimmied out of her tight leggings. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the bob of his hardened cock as he pulled off his knee-length pants, and he smirked at her as he stepped into the tub. She took his offered hand and joined him, hissing when the water enveloped her, so hot it nearly burned.

Nil sat and guided her down so that she was sitting between his legs, her back settled snugly against his chest. The wonderful sensation of the slick warmth of his wet skin sliding against hers had her instinctively pressing her backside against him, and he chuckled.

"Ah, ah," he chided, nipping sharply at her earlobe. "Let's get you clean first."

Nil grabbed the bucket from the side of the tub and selected a fragrantly scented wedge of soap. He studied it with a frown.

"It's nothing approaching what we have in the Sundom, but I suppose this will do."

Aloy shrugged. "Better than what I'm used to."

"Ah, but Aloy," he crooned in her ear as he rubbed at the soap until it foamed. "A woman such as yourself deserves so much more - the finest of oils, the sweetest smelling of lotions. If I had you back in Meridian, I'd cleanse and anoint you myself every day."

Nil's hands smoothed over where her heart pounded rapidly in her chest, and both his words and his thumbs skimming teasingly over the hardened peaks of her nipples had her shivering. When his fingers coursed down her belly and between her legs, she eagerly spread them, moaning softly as they grazed over her folds.

"Patience," whispered Nil. His movements were frustratingly utilitarian as he lathered soap over every inch of Aloy's body, and her inability to touch him from her position began to verge on torture. When he began to pour bucketfuls of bubbly water over her, she had finally had enough, and she twisted around and claimed his lips with hers in a forceful kiss. 

This time, he didn't discourage her - instead, he pulled her into his lap until his thick shaft was flush with her heated core. With a sharp exhale, she ground herself against him, the slick, hard friction against the throbbing bud of her clit so pleasurable she felt as if she could come right there.

Nil hissed through gritted teeth, and his hands shot down to still the movement of her hips. "Careful, Aloy. The wrong angle, and we'll both end up regretting this."

Her all-consuming want for him made her nearly beyond caring, and she let out a frustrated whine. "Why does it matter?"

"Beyond the fact that you're not any more ready than you were yesterday?" She shot him a sullen look, but he held her gaze firmly. "We've taken no precautions to prevent the conception of a child. Don't get so carried away that you lose your head."

Reluctantly, Aloy nodded and drew away from him. As usual, Nil was right - as wonderful as she felt in the moment, she knew there were serious consequences to certain careless actions. That didn't make her longing for him diminish any, however, and as an idea came to mind, she chewed at her lip and eyed him.

A lifetime spent on the edges of society meant that Aloy had overheard many an illicit conversation, including giggling tales of lovemaking shared between women. It wasn't a subject she had much interest in previously, but now that she had a bed partner, she found herself curiously recalling descriptions of certain acts and wanting to replicate them.

"Um, I..." She took a breath, gathering her courage. "I'd like to try something."

Nil's eyes narrowed as he looked her over. "What did you have in mind?"

"If you could sit on the edge of the tub..."

Curiosity, along with growing understanding, spread over his face as he stood, waterfalls of water tumbling down the expanse of his body. When he settled on the broad, flat side of the basin, Aloy rearranged herself until she was kneeling between his legs, and he sucked in a breath.

"Huntress, you don't have to -"

She shook her head, a coy grin tugging at her lips. "It's something I've heard about and wanted to try."

His eyes were wide as he gave the slightest of nods, and he made a strangled noise as she wrapped her fingers around the base of his cock, licked her lips, and took him into her mouth.

Aloy wasn't sure what she had expected, but having a man so helpless beneath her attentions had a rush of exhilarating satisfaction cresting over her. Nil tasted of salt, soap, and a distinctly male musk, and she found herself enjoying everything about the salacious act. As she ran her tongue along his length while suckling at him lightly, his thighs trembled, and he twisted his callused fingers in her damp hair.

"Fuck, Aloy, _fuck_ -"

Emboldened by his reaction, she drew more of him in and began to bob her head up and down slowly. The enticing little grunts and groans he was making shot straight to her aching center, and she couldn't help but rub at herself in rapid, slick circles. With how built up she already was, she knew it wouldn't be long before she found her peak.

As Aloy's pace quickened and the suction of her mouth increased, Nil kept his steady grip on her hair and began moving his hips beneath her, and she chanced a look up at him. He was staring down at her through dark, slitted eyes, his mouth hanging open as he panted heavily, and the sight of him so undone by her actions was what ultimately sent her over the edge. As she came, a strangled cry reverberated in her throat and vibrated around his length, and he cursed before giving one final thrust of his hips, then stilled with a satisfied moan. His cock pulsed as the thick fluids of his seed flooded her mouth, and still riding the high of her own pleasure, she swallowed every last bit eagerly.

When she released him from her mouth with a wet pop, Nil immediately sank back into the warmth of the water and held Aloy to his chest so tightly she gasped.

"What have I done," he breathed out, loosening his grip enough to pepper her face with kisses, "to deserve a woman such as you in my bed?"

Aloy couldn't help it; she blushed. "It's not that big of a deal, Nil."

"Not that big of a deal, she says," he muttered, smoothing away a few strands of hair plastered to her forehead. The intensity shining in his eyes was far deeper than the affection he usually regarded her with, and Aloy felt her heart skip a beat. It was something she innately recognized, something she was afraid to put a name to, yet a growing part of her wanted all the same.

"Nil, I..." She trailed off, then tried again. "You and I..."

A flash of panic flared in his silver eyes, and his face became closed off once more as he laid his lips on her brow.

"Should finish up here and then head back," he said, refusing to look at her. Aloy gazed at him with a troubled look, but picked up the soap and didn't say anything more for the rest of their time bathing together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is our first POV shift - to Avad! Yup, we're going to be checking in with the Sun-King and see how he's handling everything and get some more insight into his thought process 👀 
> 
> I just think the idea of Nil helping Aloy with her skills post injury is the sweetest thing ever. It's a way for him to really show he cares for her in his own way. Although the sparring definitely had ulterior motives, lol. I also just really wanted to write a spicy bathing scene.
> 
> This is the first of the longer chapters, so I hope you enjoyed it!!!


	13. The Wanting Comes in Waves

Despite filling his days with preparations for the arrival of the rest of the High Councilors, the remainder of Avad's week passed by at a painfully slow crawl. Every morning began with him waking far too early and, despite doing everything he could to resist the urge, inevitably turning over to the sight of Nil and Aloy wrapped cozily around each other in sleep. This bred such a deep ache of longing in his heart that he started to entertain thoughts of climbing into bed with the two of them, responsibility be damned. 

But Avad was Sun-King, and his crown was an ever-present weight in his mind. He owed it to Aloy and his people to do this the right way, to allow her time to consider her choices and then pursue a proper courtship upon their return to Meridian. Still, he was beginning to wonder what the point of adhering to protocol was in their current situation. As long as he continued to search for resources and allies to aid in the resistance effort, did it truly matter how he handled his private affairs? Either he would take back the Sundom or spend the rest of his life fighting for it, and if he succeeded, he was certain that the Carja public would feel such gratitude towards Aloy for once again coming to their aid that they would almost petition for her (a foreigner, no less!) to become queen. 

By far the worst part of the entire situation had been watching her fall into Nil's arms immediately upon his return. It was almost humorous to him how Aloy had seemed so caught off guard that he instantly knew of their affair - even if the entire tent hadn't positively _reeked_ of sex the morning of Nil's return, the knowing gazes and telltale confident swagger of his childhood friend would have tipped him off. Jealousy threatened to consume him everytime he caught Aloy giving Nil that affectionate smile she used to reserve for him, or when his hand lingered too long and with too much familiarity on that enticing curve of her lower back. And if Aloy decided to pursue something with Nil, he could potentially be facing a lifetime of watching the two people he cared for more than anyone else finding happiness in each other while he endured a loveless political marriage.

These thoughts were once again weighing heavily on his mind when Nil returned from the training grounds one morning. Avad stood and peered around him expectantly, furrowing his brow when he didn't see Aloy behind him.

"Where's Aloy?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Nil intoned, propping his and Aloy's gear up against the wall. 

"She's my guard," Avad said testily. His brooding had made him exceptionally irritable, and he wasn't in the mood to deal with Nil's sarcasm. "Regardless of the game you're playing with her, I have a right to know where she is."

"She's your guard, not your pet," Nil said, and although his tone was even, there was increasing tension coiling in his muscles. "And I'm not playing any _game_ with her, Avad. I've only done as she's asked. If anyone is playing games, it's you."

"What you're doing is serving your own interests," Avad snapped, his already low patience nearly depleted. "You don't know what's best for her-"

"Ah, and you do?" Nil's eyes glinted dangerously. "Is that why she fell into my arms in tears nearly as soon as I arrived?"

The thought of strong, reliable Aloy crying because of his actions had a wave of queasiness washing over Avad, and all he could do was stare.

Nil sneered. "Oh, please, don't pretend to be surprised. Despite how deeply she tries to bury it, the stench of the truth is inescapable. Aloy has clearly longed for someone to call her own, and she was desperate for _you_. And what does the wise and discerning Radiant Avad do? You foster the illusion that she has finally found someone to love her unconditionally. You hold and touch her near constantly, whisper the prettiest of words to her - all while knowing full well the gravity of what it means to become entangled with the Sun-King. When your brain finally catches up with your cock, you take it all away without any warning and leave her alone again - _of course she fucking cried_. So forgive me for having the audacity to do all I can to comfort the woman who once rescued me from a path which could have only led to my death." 

Nil's eyes were wild, and he was angled so far forward that his face was only inches from Avad's. Realization dawned over the Sun-King, and he could only stare at Nil in numb fascination.

"You're in love with her."

Nil jerked back, his expression so overcome with fear that Avad reached for him out of habit, to soothe it away as he had many times before.

"Sahad-"

"No. She's a partner, my equal in battle. All I feel for her is respect, nothing more."

His gaze fixed on the man in front of him, Avad reached out and took Nil's hand in his own, the pad of his thumb brushing comfortingly over his fingers.

"And yet, in all the years I've known you, I've only seen that look in your eyes once before."

Nil didn't say anything - he only looked down, breathing hard. Avad's voice was nearly a whisper when he spoke again.

"It's exactly the same as the way you looked at me the night you left Meridian to join my father's army. And I know you loved me then - as much as I loved you."

It wasn't clear who moved first - but suddenly, Nil had Avad pulled flush against the firm planes of his body, and they were kissing each other so roughly it surely would have appeared to an outsider as a struggle. A tumult of emotion - confusion, frustration, yearning - churned within Avad, and he poured every last ounce into the kiss. Nil's lips tasted just as wonderful and as familiar as the morning he had last departed from Avad's chambers, of fragrant spices and herbs with a dark undercurrent of bitterness. Although the edges of Nil's armor were digging into his skin uncomfortably, Avad only clung to him more desperately, as though the soldier would disappear if he let go - and with how his life had been playing out as of late, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't.

"Avad, why are you doing this?" Nil asked softly as he broke the kiss and cradled Avad's face between his hands. "It isn't like you."

"I don't want things to be this way," Avad said, surprised when his vision blurred and he had to blink back tears. "But what choice do I have? What is best for her, the Sundom, for myself? Tell me, Sahad, what am I to do?"

Nil pressed his lips against Avad's forehead so tenderly, he had to suppress a sob. "I don't know. But you can start by remedying the situation between yourself and Aloy."

"And what of you?"

When Nil lifted his head, there was a bitter smile twisting his lips.

"What of me? I took her to bed as she asked, with the knowledge that our relationship could never progress beyond the physical. She deserves so much more than I can give, and I've been beyond fortunate to be able to share this with her."

Nil's expression had become almost entirely closed off, the only hint to his state of mind a slight tremor in his lips.

"All I ask is for time - that you not interfere with us before she makes her final decision. If she decides to be queen, then I will step back from her...and you."

Avad should have been relieved. He should have been practically ecstatic at the promise of Nil backing off, leaving Aloy to him without contest. Instead, his stomach plummeted, and icy fingers of panic curled around his throat. If he had only known that the night before Meridian fell would be their last together...well, what could he have done? Whatever he and Nil had together had been doomed from the start.

It was common knowledge that a few of the previous Sun-Kings had taken a male lover, but a male consort was unheard of. It had been drilled into Avad since birth that the Radiant line was to be continued at all costs, and the only sanctioned heirs were those born to a Queen Consort. The dissolution of a marriage over the issue of barrenness had occurred more than once, especially in cases where there were no direct male heirs in line for the throne. Avad knew in his heart that if taking Nil as his consort had been an option, he would have given up on the idea of Aloy as his queen much sooner. He loved her, almost more than he could bear at times, but he was beginning to realize that he loved the man before him just as much. It had been a love put on pause since their separation years earlier, but ever since Nil had come back into his life one moonlit, wine-soaked night, that old love had grown to point that Avad couldn't suppress or deny it anymore. His heart felt as if it were being torn down the middle, and he could find no easy solution, no way forward that didn't end in misery for one of them. 

"Do what you must," was all Avad could manage to say. "I won't stand in your way."

Nil regarded him for several long, silent moments. When he slanted forward to kiss Avad again, it was hesitant and gentle, painfully echoing another kiss from a long ago night - a goodbye between two teenage boys in a bell-tower overlooking Meridian.

"Thank you," Nil said quietly, and he let go of Avad and turned to leave. When he reached the entrance, however, he paused and glanced back, looking so much like the uncertain boy he had once been that Avad's heart skipped a beat.

"If there was anyone who I could have ever loved," he said with a bitter smile, "it would have been you, Avad."

After Nil departed, Avad took a few minutes to compose himself enough to be seen in public, then immediately headed in the direction of Ayska's tent. He had been spending a good portion of his days with her preparing for the High Conclave, and he prayed fervently that she was currently home. Fortune was on his side, for as he strummed at the tinkling string of golden bells hanging outside her tent, she popped her head out with a frown.

"Avad? You are so early! What brings you..." She trailed off as she looked upon his face. 

"Ayska," Avad gulped, trying to suppress the panic rising within him when he realized he might be imposing. "I apologize, but I have no one else to speak to. It's a personal matter, but if you would rather keep things professional between us, I understand-"

"No, no," she said, waving him off and stepping aside. Her eyes were filled with so much understanding that he felt an instant sense of relief. "Come in, my friend. You look like you could use an ear."

Avad followed her inside and all but collapsed on to a plush, cushion covered settee. His face fell to his hands.

"Tea?"

He managed to look up at her and give her a wavering smile. "That sounds wonderful, Ayska."

As she stoked the fire in her small stove and filled a kettle with water, the councilor was silent. The tent was dimly lit by the morning Sun, traces of incense and the comforting scent of baking pastries hanging in the air, and Avad found himself beginning to calm. When Ayska brought him a steaming cup of fragrant-smelling tea, he accepted it and smiled at her gratefully.

"When you are ready, I am here to listen," she said gently, settling beside him.

Avad took a careful sip and leaned back. "If I'm honest, I'm suddenly feeling quite foolish. A king shouldn't allow his emotions to get the better of him like this."

"Ah, but even kings are still men," Ayska said wryly. "It is not weakness to feel, Avad. There is often strength to be found in the conviction of our emotions."

"It's only - there's so much on the line, Ayska," Avad said with a weary sigh. "It feels selfish to be so caught up in personal matters."

"You cannot govern effectively if you do not take care of yourself," she said firmly. "Your responsibility to your people is important, yes, but so is your mental state."

Avad gazed down at the tea leaves swirling in his cup as a lump caught in his throat. To have someone say it so plainly, to be given permission to do something so basic as _feel_ \- it was such a simple thing, but it almost overwhelmed him.

"I'm sure you've already guessed that this is about Aloy," he said quietly as he met Ayska's eyes. "I've loved her desperately from the moment I met her. There aren't words to describe how much she means to me, how I would sacrifice almost anything for her. But I've made a grave error with her, and I fear it's not one I can mend."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure," she replied, placing a comforting hand on his knee with a small grin. "That woman is very much enamored of you. You should have seen her the other night when she believed I was interested in you - she became as fierce and as beautiful as Nas herself, coiled and ready to strike."

"Really?" Avad asked eagerly, cringing a little at how his voice cracked on the word, as if he were an adolescent boy again.

Ayska giggled lightly. "Yes, really." Her expression became serious again. "Avad, help me understand - what is it that happened between the two of you? There is no true privacy here in Viatr - we Munishka thrive on talk and gossip as much as food and water, and her and your friend Nil have been seen together. I have even heard they have visited the bathing tents more than once, and going to bathe together is a bold statement for my people."

Avad had to take a steadying breath at this. He had assumed that Nil and Aloy were finding ways to be intimate (and he was privately thankful that they respected him enough to avoid partaking in certain activities around him) but to hear it bluntly stated - his stomach churned so violently, it felt like he had swallowed a handful of metal shards.

"I'll give you the short version," he said after he had composed himself enough to speak. "I was not entirely truthful with Aloy regarding the details of the Tenakth invasion. After our first meeting with the Conclave, we argued, and I ended up confessing my love for her."

"Perhaps not the best circumstances for such a revelation."

"No, not at all," Avad said with a short laugh, running his fingers through his hair. "She kissed me, and I was so caught off guard by her returning my feelings that I kissed her back.".

Ayska blinked at him. "And this is bad, why...?"

"Many reasons," Avad said, and as something cracked in his chest, everything came pouring out of him. "Because I was courting another woman to become my consort back home. Because being with me publicly means taking steps towards Aloy becoming queen, and I won't insult her by suggesting a private affair. She's made to be a queen, even if she doesn't see it, and I insisted on giving her time to make her choice without the closeness we had found in each other."

He squeezed his eyes shut, willing tears not to come again. 

"Because, Ayska, above everything else, I'm _terrified_ of losing her like I lost the last woman I loved. And yet, because of my own actions, I stand to anyway - not to death, as with Ersa - but to the man I love just as much as Aloy, and I don't know how to move forward."

Ayska was quiet for a moment.

"I am going to say this as gently as I can - Avad, you are an idiot."

He was so taken off-guard by the insult that he could only stare mutely at the councilor. When Ayska spoke, her tone was firm but kind.

"If losing your last love did not teach you that life is short and we should find joy where we can, I do not know what will. Perhaps, in order to fix this mess, you should start there."

She sat back, the delicate line of her brow furrowed.

"Being so in love with two people as you are is not an easy thing, however. Your situation is complicated to say the least, and I wish I could give you an answer. What I do know is that avoiding the situation is only making your problems worse, and I feel the need to remind you that Aloy is an adult and as capable of making decisions as you are."

Avad drew back, insulted. "I'm aware of that-"

"You are not," Ayska said, cutting him off sharply. "I understand that as a leader, and as someone with a history such as yours, maintaining control is an integral part of your life. But you do not need to exert it over every last person and situation."

Reluctantly, Avad nodded. Deep down, he knew her words were the truth - he had developed a serious complex about giving up control. As his years as Sun-King marched relentlessly on, it had become increasingly difficult to set aside the crown at the end of the day, because it felt like every time he did, misery soon followed. But then again, his need for it was the source of his current dilemma. He was beginning to realize that it was past time to loosen his stranglehold on every aspect in his life and trust that everything would work out on its own. 

Wistfully, he wondered where his relationship with Aloy would be now if he had simply acted on how he felt - perhaps it would be him cradling her in his arms every night, bringing her pleasure, or visiting the baths with her. But...what about Nil? Could he ever fully let his first love go in order to have Aloy? Briefly, the thought of the three of them sharing in each other crossed his mind - not having to choose or feel shame over his conflicted feelings, kissing and holding and sleeping with each other each night, basking in their companionship every day as he had during those long, hazy days in the forest - and such an intense wave of wanting rose within him that he could hardly breathe for a few moments. But he seriously doubted either of them desired such an arrangement, so he regretfully pushed it from his mind. It was a flight of fancy, nothing more, and certainly not an actual solution to the problem at hand.

"You're right, Ayska," he said after awhile. "You've given me quite a lot to consider, and I thank you for taking the time to speak with me."

"Please, do not thank me." She rose gracefully, taking the empty cup from his hand."It is only what I would do for any of my friends."

After placing the vessel in a basin, she turned and regarded him with a grin.

"I have to say, I am envious of you, Avad. To have caught the attention of such a woman...king or no, we should all be so lucky."

"Trust me, I'm aware," he chuckled. "Sometimes I'm not sure what I did to deserve it myself."

"Well, if you do not remedy things with her, perhaps I will steal her away from you," Ayska said teasingly.

Avad raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching. "Ah, so am I to consider you a rival for Aloy's affections now?"

"Of the highest degree!" Ayska giggled, but her mirthful grin soon softened to a kind smile. "But honestly, I would never interfere with what you two...well, what the three of you have. Too complicated for me, anyway."

It was then that the bells outside of her tent sounded, and with a frown, she strode to the entrance. Avad glanced away politely, trying not to eavesdrop - a spectacularly difficult feat in such a tightly knit society, he had come to realize.

When Ayska returned, her eyes were wide and shining with excitement.

"Avad, the last of the High Councilors have arrived!"

Avad stood so quickly, he briefly became woozy with dizziness.

"Truly? That's wonderful - when are we to meet?"

"Tomorrow morning," she said, taking his elbow and guiding him to the open tent flap. "I am sorry to have to kick you out on such short notice, but I must meet with the rest of the councilors. You understand?"

"Of course, Ayska," he said, his mind already racing as quickly as a team of Bolters. This was it - tomorrow he would either be walking away with allies for the war, or empty-handed, and he tried not to dwell on the implications of that. "I must head back as well and complete my preparations."

She nodded distractedly, but gave him a quick hug before he left.

"Good luck. I will see you tomorrow."

When Avad entered their shared tent, Nil and Aloy were cuddled up together on the bed, though thankfully fully clothed and on top of the nest of blankets. That familiar sorrow and longing rose unbidden in him yet again, but excitement soon overwhelmed it.

"I've just been informed," he said breathlessly. "The rest of the High Conclave has arrived on Viatr. They're to meet tomorrow morning."

"Finally!" Aloy exclaimed, hopping up and stepping to his side.

"Indeed," Avad said, letting his gaze linger on her. Her hair was mussed from lying in bed, and the effect was so adorable he couldn't help but smile at her.

She took a step forward and laid a hand on his shoulder. He tensed, but didn't move away, her gentle touch relaxing him minutely. Again, he wondered what had possessed him to put such a barrier between them - all she had ever been was a calming presence, a balm to his troubled thoughts. "You must be so relieved, Avad. We can finally make real steps towards an alliance."

He ran his fingers through his hair, worry furrowing his brow. "We can only hope. I will do my best to convince them, but the decision lies with the High Councilors. Ayska has helped to prepare me these last few days, but I fear it's not enough."

"So that's where you've been running off to and hiding every day," Nil piped up from behind them, still stretched out on the bed.

Avad gave an exasperated sigh. "We've all been preparing in our own ways, and Ayska has been an immense help. You and Aloy have your battle prowess to worry about, while I am burdened with politics."

"Don't worry about him," Aloy said, rolling her eyes when Nil gasped over-dramatically. Her expression became serious. "Is there anything left you need to prepare? Anything I can help with?"

Avad paused, mulling her offer over. If he was going to be making steps towards fixing things between them, this could be a good place to begin. "I suppose it couldn't hurt to hear your opinion on a few things."

Aloy jumped as Nil's hand landed on her shoulder - he had climbed out of bed and was now standing next to her, and Avad couldn't help but notice the dismay in his eyes.

"While you two do that, I'm going to head to the training grounds. I'm sure Yuris will be willing to spar with me."

Aloy blinked rapidly. "But you said we were resting-"

But before she could finish her sentence, Nil had already swept out of the tent, and she stared after him.

"Aloy?"

She turned back to Avad, giving him a clearly strained smile. "What did you need help with?"

He had already resolved to avoid prying into her affairs with Nil any more than he already had, but perhaps a change of subject could distract her.

"I wanted to hear your opinion on how best to frame our plea for an alliance," he explained while guiding her to the bench. "You are naturally skilled with diplomacy and have had great success in the past, so it would be of value to me."

Surprise flickered in Aloy's eyes, and he felt no small amount of distress at the sight - how much of her lack of faith in her own abilities was a direct result of his actions?

"All right," she said slowly. Confusion played in her eyes. "Avad, are you sure? I thought you wanted to avoid being in close contact with me."

"This is hardly what I'd call close contact, Aloy," he said with a chuckle, but he quieted when he saw her gaze crease and drop to her lap. He cursed himself for his careless words and hesitantly placed his hand over hers. Her head jerked up, her eyes wide.

"But...I did want to say that I've come to realize that I was wrong about that."

"About time," she muttered.

"Plainly put, I've been an ass." He grinned at the shocked laugh that escaped her, and squeezed her hand in his own. "I don't relish how strained things have become between us."

"Me either." She gave him a slight smile, so he pressed on. 

"Can we try this again?" he asked quietly, and Aloy was silent for awhile.

"Okay. But this doesn't mean I forgive you yet." She leveled him with a firm look. "And if you ever treat me that way again, I have a lance. And a bow. And Nil said he'd shoot you too."

"I don't doubt it," Avad said very seriously, but his lips twitched and soon he was laughing, and then she was too, and a little of what they had lost in their conflict settled back into place between them. 

As he grabbed his notes and began to sort through them, his eyes slid back to Aloy, and his heart beat hard against his chest as he took her in. Illuminated by the soft glow of the late morning light coming in through the opened tent, his love was as radiant and as full of promise as the rising Sun - even as the Sun-King himself, he could never hope to compare. Her eyes met his, and when she gave him that affectionate smile he had so missed, Avad got the sense that things could get better, that he still had a chance with her. It didn't solve all of his problems, but it was a start, and that's all he needed to begin to make things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My babies are making up 😭 you guys have NO IDEA how difficult it was to make them fight for that long, but it really was a necessary evil so that, going forward, their relationship will be much more solid.
> 
> A LOT of character related stuff happens (Nil...oh, Nil, you're a giant mess) in this chapter, and now the plot is moving forward again! We're getting close to the end of this arc, and as much as I've loved writing it, it's about time to move on.
> 
> Also, you may have noticed I removed the slowburn tag. I've been meaning to for the last few chapters, just kept forgetting. While that was the original intent with this story, it definitely didn't go in that direction and I like to keep my tags neat!
> 
> Thanks again for all of the kudos and comments, and I'll see yinz next week! ❤️


	14. The High Conclave

As Aloy got ready early the next morning, she had to continually remind herself to breathe. So much was on the line, and the next few hours could be what changed the tide of the war, could be the key to getting Avad home. But if the Munishka refused an alliance - well, she worried for him. The Sun-King himself sat on the bed, quietly reading through his notes for a final time, and the silence in the tent was oppressive in its heaviness.

Perceptive as usual, Nil seemed to notice her distress, and as she braided her hair, he came to her side and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"It'll be all right, Aloy," he said quietly. "Whatever happens, we'll all be together."

"And even if today doesn't go in our favor, we'll keep searching," Avad added, picking himself off the bed and coming to stand beside her as well. "Until the worst comes to pass, we should all remember to keep hope."

Overwhelmed by depth of their care for her, Aloy turned and wrapped her arms around both Nil and Avad, drawing them into a tight embrace. There was a pregnant pause, and then their arms came around her too, and she was being held between the two men she cared for more than anyone else in the world. They all stayed wrapped in each other for awhile, and calmness seeped into her as she turned Nil's words over in her head. He was right - no matter what, they all had each other, and that was enough of a reason to keep fighting.

When they finally separated, Avad's hand lingered on her back. 

"If it would help, would you like to join me for my morning prayers?" he asked. "Of course, you wouldn't have to pray, but I've found it can be helpful to meditate before particularly stressful days."

"That would actually be nice," Aloy said with a slight smile. "I could use some time to clear my mind."

Avad nodded with a pleased look, then tilted his head towards Nil. "I'm assuming you have no interest as usual, Nil?"

He snorted. "None whatsoever. I need to finish putting the rest of my armor on, anyway."

Avad rolled his eyes. "We're not going into battle, you know."

Nil shrugged, patting at the knife hooked to his waist. "It's a battle of sorts. Besides, looking intimidating couldn't hurt."

"Suit yourself," he said with a long-suffering sigh, and Aloy had to bite back a giggle. "Come with me, Aloy."

She followed Avad outside, and as he faced east towards the rising sun, he sank to his knees. She settled down beside him with her legs crossed, eying him curiously.

"It's very different without the singing of the priests," he said after a moment. "So much silence is strange for me after living in Meridian my entire life. What I wouldn't give to hear the morning call to prayer once more."

"So you can listen to them sing your name to the heavens?" Aloy asked, her tone gently teasing.

He winced. "Ah, yes. That part has taken some getting used to since I've become Sun-King. I'm not sure I'll ever become accustomed to it, but it's something my people find solace in, so I suppose I must put up with it."

"Avad..." She hesitated, unsure if she should continue, but her curiosity was too strong. "Do you actually believe in any of it? You know, the Sun as a god and yourself as its speaker."

"I'm not sure," he said, staring off into the distance with a small smile. "I know that I'm nothing more than a man. But...I'd like to think that there's something watching over all of us, whether it's the Sun or not. The thought is a comforting one, at least."

An easy silence fell between them after that, and Aloy let her mind drift, trying to avoid dwelling on any particular thought. Instead, she focused on what she could feel - the warmth of Avad's shoulder pressed against hers, the whispering caress of the desert wind over her skin, the heat of the sun as it crested over the distant sand dunes. Her eyes drooped shut, and she leaned into him. His breath hitched but quickly became even again, and the steady cadence of his breathing lulled her into a light doze. It wasn't clear how long she remained in this state, but the sound of Avad's soothing voice murmuring in prayer stirred her eventually.

"O Sun, may your light illuminate my path, and may I never be lead astray and fall into darkness."

He paused here, and Aloy kept her eyes closed, not wanting to disturb the rare moment of peace that had settled over them.

"O Sun, light the footsteps of she who I love," he whispered, and her heart sped up as she felt the brief pressure of his lips against the side of her head. "May you guide Aloy, ensuring that her path is true, and that she is never lead astray into darkness."

His next words were drenched with desperate pleading.

"O Sun, may your luminance reach the heart of he who I love. May your healing light envelope Sahad and lift him from darkness so that he one day knows peace."

It took every ounce of restraint Aloy had to keep her breathing regular and her eyes closed. If she hadn't already suspected it, this confirmed it - Avad was in love with Nil. Strangely enough, where she expected to feel some level of jealousy, there was only a pang of sorrow for him - and a wave of guilt over her actions with Nil. 

She waited a couple of minutes, then lifted her head off of Avad's shoulder and opened her eyes. His gaze was shining with affection as smiled down at her.

"Ah, there she is. I assume you're feeling much more relaxed?"

"Very much so," she said with a wide yawn. "Is it time to go yet?"

"I'm afraid so." He inhaled deeply, his face once again lined with worry. Aloy wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed.

"You've done everything you can," she said softly. "If anyone can convince them, it's you."

"Thank you, Aloy," Avad said, and he sagged against her briefly before drawing away and standing. His face was full of grim determination as he offered her a hand up.

"No point in delaying the inevitable," he said as she stood up beside him. "Let's go make our case."

-

The Conclave tent was fuller than Aloy had ever seen it - it seemed as if half of Viatr had shown up for the proceedings, and the cacophony of noise was so great she could barely hear herself think. As her, Avad, and Nil entered, what must have been hundreds of pairs of eyes fixed on them, and she found herself balking under the overwhelming amount of attention. Instead of focusing on that, she fixed her gaze on the great table before them and the High Councilors.

Ayska sat prettily in her normal seat, with three men flanking her. Two of them were much older than her, while the last appeared to be closer in age to Avad or Nil. Each councilor was draped in stunning patterned lengths of fabric, in what Aloy supposed was some sort of ceremonial garb relating to their station, much like Avad's Sun-King regalia. Upon their heads sat intricate head pieces that almost appeared Carja in design, although with the common motif being serpents rather than birds - likely a homage to Nas, Aloy mused. 

As they reached the foot of the table, Ayska gave the group the barest hint of a smile and a tight nod, then rose gracefully from her seat. The room instantly quieted, and Aloy immediately got the sense that these deliberations would have a much more formal air than their two previous meetings. 

"As sitting High Councilor of Viatr, I, Ayska, call this meeting of the High Conclave to order. High Councilors, your name and domain."

"High Councilor Hetri of Morzi." One of the older men spoke first, his voice deep and slow. A black beard as bushy as Kanov's with eyebrows to match grew so untamed over his deeply grooved face that Aloy could barely discern his actual features.

"High Councilor Kivan of Agnisk." The second of the elder men, as bald as Hetri was hairy, snapped, a frown pulling at his already severe visage.

"High Councilor of Miriko of Nezia." The quiet, lilting voice of the younger man caught Aloy off guard - and although he sounded kind, his expression gave away nothing of his thoughts. 

"We have convened today due to concerning news from our neighbors to the east," Ayska began as she settled back down in her chair. "Sun-King Avad of the Carja Tribe stands before us, and we will hear his plea. You have the floor, Your Radiance."

"Thank you, High Councilor," Avad said, bowing his head briefly. "If I may, I would first like to extend gratitude towards the Munishka people on behalf on myself and my companions. Your generosity towards us, total strangers to your lands, has been most kind."

The severe-looking man, Kivan, gave a sneer as he drummed his fingers on the surface of the table, and Aloy gazed at him through narrowed eyes - this one would likely prove to be difficult to convince. Although, she supposed that's exactly what Avad and Ayska had been preparing for.

"My people have gone to war with the Tenakth tribe in the past," Avad continued. "But never before has a sitting king been ousted from our capital city of Meridian, so our situation is most desperate. I will be blunt - on behalf of the Carja, I am requesting an alliance with the Munishka Clan."

"Why is this _our_ problem?" Kivan interjected hotly, and Ayska slammed her fist on the table. A few surprised gasps and chuckles rang out from the crowd.

"Mind protocol, High Councilor," she said softly, although her eyes were hard. "Let His Radiance speak."

Kivan sat back with a disgruntled expression, but didn't say anything else. Avad's eyes settled on him.

"The Tenakth possess some sort of technology which has the ability to control machines in great numbers, and with your Great Herd and only a few day's travel sitting between you and the Sundom, it's only a matter of time before it is turned against you." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I now open the floor for questions."

"Yes, Ayska has briefed us on that particular issue," Hetri said, frowning. "What interest would these Tenakth have with us? Our lands are mostly barren, and we have no cities or settlements to conquer."

"Beyond the simple act of conquest? The Tenakth have been an aggressive tribe for centuries, often stealing away children to add to their numbers. If they march west, they will no doubt conquer the Munishka and absorb the youngest of your clan into their tribe."

Several people in the audience cried out at once, and all of the councilors except Ayska drew back at this, glancing between themselves with varying expressions of dismay. She beat her fists on the table once more, and everyone quieted.

"If I could request a moment for the High Councilors to confer amongst ourselves," said Miriko quietly.

Ayska dipped her head in a nod, and Aloy immediately angled herself towards Avad.

"Well?" she said under her breath. 

"It's too early to tell," he muttered back, still eying the councilors. "But Kivan is going to be an issue, and Miriko doesn't seem particularly receptive either.'

Aloy blew out a frustrated breath. "Yeah, I figured. You'd think the threat of war alone would be enough to get them to do something."

"Politics are the same everywhere," Nil said, his eyes squinted with irritation. "It's why I don't bother getting involved. I'm not even sure why I'm here."

"It's best to present a united front," Avad reminded him. "It would look strange if we didn't all appear together, even if I'm the only one who ends up speaking."

Ayska tapped lightly at the table and cleared her throat, and Aloy immediately straightened.

"High Councilor Miriko has the floor."

"If your words are truth, Your Radiance, this could be devastating to our people." Miriko paused here, tilting his head. "But I am not sure that a few documents bearing your seal is enough evidence for me. For all we know, this could all be a ploy to buy time for the Carja to invade. We have all heard the stories of the kind of ruler your father was, from your own people escaping his tyranny no less. Yes, we have also been told of your role as the Liberator, but madness can often run through bloodlines. In a matter of time, you may become the same."

Hot protective fury boiled in Aloy - she balled her fists until they were shaking, and even Nil's steadying hand on her arm didn't calm her as usual. But before she could open her mouth to make a retort, Avad stepped forward. Some of the color had bled from his face, but his head was still held high.

"I have provided all of the evidence I reasonably could under the circumstances," Avad said, his tone stern but even. "Short of sending your own spies into enemy territory - which I -do not- advise at this current juncture - that is all you are going to receive."

He took a deep breath here and squared his shoulders.

"As you state, you have all heard the tales of both my father and myself. I have spent the last five years of my life undoing his horrific deeds and moving the Carja towards a better future, emphasizing diplomacy and peace over war and conquest. I have secured alliances with nearly every surrounding tribe, have made steps towards reparations for those affected by the Red Raids, and have pushed my people towards total equality. With respect, High Councilor, it is foolish to judge a man based solely on potential or bloodline rather than his own actions. I believe I have proven myself time and again, and I ask that you take that into consideration when making your decision."

Miriko didn't respond; he merely clasped his fingers together, the indecipherable expression plastered back over his face. Aloy couldn't fight the smile that bloomed on her face as she gazed at Avad, and something like pride swelled within her - despite the circumstances, despite the fact that Miriko's words had obviously had an effect on him, he couldn't have been more like a king in that moment.

"Be that as it may," Hetri said, "there is the matter of logistics to consider. Our Dragoons are unused to full scale war, and the last time the militia was mustered in force was many years ago."

"I am aware of this. What we require at this point is supplies and the guarantee of a safe place to retreat if the worst comes to pass," Avad said. "Any military strength would be appreciated, but it's not our primary purpose for seeking an alliance with the Munishka."

"And what would we receive in return?" asked Kivan impatiently. "With all due respect, Sun-King, you ask much from us, and we Munishka are not a large clan."

"Once we have taken back the Sundom, the full weight and protection of a formalized alliance," Avad said. "Along myself and my council's personal assistance in forming ties with our neighboring tribes, the Oseram and the Nora. The breadth of our technology and our knowledge will also be yours to access.".

" _If_ you take back the Sundom," Kivan bit out. 

Ayska had been sitting back, quietly observing the proceedings through keen eyes, but now she leaned forward and steepled her fingers together.

"I may have a solution."

The other Councilors all turned to her, but she continued to gaze at Avad, Aloy, and Nil.

"The Sange."

Kivan barked out a laugh, slamming an open palm on the table.

"Ayska, you know that is likely to be a fool's errand," Miriko said with a frown.

"It is not impossible," she said with a light shrug. "Although they are still reclusive, they are not so closed off as they once were, and they have come to our aid in the past. And with the might of their Leviathan backing them, the Sun-King will stand a fair chance at reclaiming his throne, and we can only benefit from an alliance between our people."

"Excuse me," Avad injected, his brow furrowed. "The Sange? Leviathan? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with such a tribe."

"They are our neighbors to the west," Ayska explained. "They live along the coast of an endless body of water, and the Leviathan is their great protector. Although we do not maintain official relations with them, our people are generally friendly with each other."

Aloy sucked in a breath, overwhelming realization slamming into her as hard as an alerted Charger. 

"So the rumors were true," she breathed, staring wide-eyed at Avad as he shot her a knowing look. If what she had been told hadn't been mere hearsay, then perhaps her quest to restore Gaia hadn't been interrupted by Avad's exile at all - maybe she had been headed in the right direction this entire time.

She shook her head, narrowing her focus back down to the meeting. As eager as she was to consider the possibilities of what this meant, there would be time to think more on this later.

"How far away are the Sange from Viatr?" Avad asked after a moment.

"Considering the season and obstacles along the way, about a month's journey by foot," Ayska said.

"We don't have a month," Avad said patiently. "The Tenakth are planning on marching west in less than three seasons, and we need all of the time we can get to prepare. Perhaps you could lend us a team of Bolters? We could-"

"Absolutely not," Kivan hissed. "Only the Munishka may command a team. It is our most sacred law, and we will not risk our own people for such a journey."

"Unless," Miriko said slowly, "one of you were to complete the Rite and receive the blessing of Nas."

Murmured conversation sounded throughout the tent, and Ayska turned a hard eye on the crowd until they quieted once more.

"I have heard about this Rite from Kanov," Avad mused, tapping a finger against his chin. "But I'm afraid I don't know what it entails."

"Our ancestors once wandered the desert, driven nearly to madness by thirst and hunger," Ayska explained. "Until they were found by Nas and lead to food and water. The Rite is how an outlander becomes Munishka, and to do so they must go through these same trials. In order to replicate this, a candidate is lead miles into the wilderness carrying nothing but simple clothing and made to drink machine blood to imitate that same madness. If they find their way back to camp, then the first part of the Rite is passed. For the second part, they must travel to the White Sand Sea to receive Nas' blessing. Only then does one become Munishka and have access to our secrets."

Machine blood. A lump caught in Aloy's throat as her mind flashed to poor Brin, the crazed Banuk shaman from the Sundom desert.

"Of course, I am unable to complete this Rite," Avad said with a frown. "And I'm not sure either of my companions would be willing to give up their lives in the east in order to become a part of the Munishka."

"You must remember, Your Radiance, we are wanderers," Ayska said with a shrug. "The only requirement that all Munishka must fulfill is a once yearly pilgrimage to the White Sand Sea to commune with Nas. Otherwise, our people are free to live their lives where they wish."

Avad nodded at this, his brow knitted in thought.

"Be advised: completing the first part of the Rite is not an easy feat," Ayska cautioned. "Not many make it back. It is not a trial to be taken lightly."

Aloy swallowed, but steeled herself. If going through this Rite was how she could ensure they had a chance at reclaiming the Sundom, she would do it - after all, it wouldn't be the first time she had faced slim odds. As she opened her mouth to volunteer, however, Nil spoke.

"I'll do it."

As she stared at him, her mouth still hanging open, a wave of sickly panic swelled in her gut. 

"Nil, no," she whispered, her voice trembling. His eyes rolled towards her, but he didn't say anything - only quirked his lips into an apologetic half-smile.

"When?" Nil asked.

"Since time is short, I would suggest tomorrow morning," Ayska said. "If that is agreeable, tonight you will report back here by midnight, where you will receive the ritual anointing and be placed in solitary quarters overnight. You will be awakened before dawn, bound and blindfolded, and taken to desert."

Aloy's mouth went dry, and she desperately wanted to interject, to stop this, but Nil shrugged and said, "Sounds good to me."

"Are we all in agreement, then?" Ayska asked, her eyes shifting between each of the other Councilors. Kivan nodded begrudgingly, and Miriko and Hetri followed suit. 

"Very well." Ayska stood, clasping her hands in front of her.

"Sun-King Avad. It is the decision of the High Conclave that, if you can convince the Sange tribe to enter into an alliance with us, you will have the help of the Munishka people in every capacity. If Nil passes the Rite, you will have full access to a team of Bolters to aid in your travels west."

Avad bowed slightly. "On behalf of myself and the Sundom, I thank you for this opportunity, High Councilors."

"We have other matters to attend to while the High Conclave is in session, so you are dismissed," Ayska said imperiously, although the slightest hint of a smile curved at her lips.

As Avad turned to leave, Aloy fell in step behind him with Nil. Her mind was racing with everything she had just heard, but most of all the Rite and Nil's volunteering of himself. She wasn't entirely sure why she was so trepidatious over the thought of him attempting it - he was, after all, a former soldier. Most of his adult life seemed to have been spent mired in bloody conflict, and he had managed to survive that. Still, this wasn't war, and Aloy had enough of an idea of what machine blood could do to a person to be apprehensive. 

Something brushed against her hand, and she startled when she realized she had been so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn't even noticed they'd left the tent.

"Aloy." Nil's voice was quiet as he took her hand. Avad glanced between the two of them, a rueful smile quirking at his lips.

"I'll, ah, give you two a moment," he said. "Please come find me when you're done."

Aloy shot him a grateful look, then focused her attention back on Nil as Avad walked away.

"Why?" she said, her voice just above a whisper. "Why did you volunteer yourself? It was my responsibility, I was ready to -"

"You're still weak, huntress," Nil reminded her. "There's a good chance you wouldn't survive in your current condition, and I wasn't about to sit by and let that happen."

Aloy grimaced. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right - she was still building up her lost strength, and her core muscles had taken a particularly heavy blow.

"Besides," he said as he reached up to smooth her bangs from her forehead, "not everything should come down to you. You don't have to shoulder the burden of the world on your own anymore."

Sudden tears blurred Aloy's vision, and she hastily wiped them away.

"When it's my own life on the line, I can handle it," she said, leaning into Nil when his arm came around her. "But someone else? _You_? I don't know what to do with that."

"I've faced much worse," he said, giving her a brief squeeze. "Don't waste your worries on me."

"I'll try not to," she murmured, giving him a brief smile as he dropped a quick kiss on her cheek. 

Still, as they began to head back to meet with Avad, Aloy couldn't help the worried thoughts which needled at the edge of her consciousness. It had been so long since she had anyone but herself to consider - and while she knew that Nil was more than capable of handling himself, the thought of being unable to actively protect someone she cared for sent a chill of anxiety shivering through her. Everything in her life had become so complicated as of late, and she briefly entertained the thought that perhaps it would have been better if she had just been left alone. But hadn't the bonds she had built with both Nil and Avad been worth it, at the very least? Now that her relationship with the Sun-King was heading in the right direction again, she wasn't sure she would even be capable of giving up that easy companionship anymore. And what she had with Nil...well, she was still figuring that out, but she knew he meant a lot to her. Her eyes slid to him as they walked, to that playful smirk he always seemed to be wearing, and a lump caught in her throat. The thought of something happening to him was almost too much to even consider.

Avad smiled tentatively at Aloy when her and Nil entered the tent, and her roiling thoughts eased a bit.

"All is well, I hope?"

"As well is it can be," Aloy said, managing to return his smile. "You must be so relieved."

"Yes and no," Avad said with a heavy sigh, settling down on the edge of this bed. "There's a lot to be done to pull this all together. But at least we now have a real path forward."

He hesitated, and his voice was soft when he spoke again.

"Nil, while I appreciate you volunteering for the Rite, you didn't have to do that."

Nil shrugged. "It was either me or Aloy, and she's still recovering. The choice was obvious to me."

Avad pursed his lips. "I wish I could say that we had another option, but we all know that would be a lie. Still, that was...remarkably selfless of you."

"Eh, I don't think so," Nil said with a slight grin, ruffling at Aloy's hair, to which she shot him a glare. "If our precious little huntress died, I'd have to deal with you moping around endlessly, and that would be a fate worse than a peaceful death."

Avad rolled his eyes. "I know you've struggled with this since we were boys, but, by the Sun, just accept a compliment for once. And I don't _mope_."

"Now you're actually lying."

"I'm deeply hurt to learn that you wouldn't mourn me, Nil," Aloy deadpanned.

"Not at all," he shot back casually, but a dark shadow passed briefly through his eyes, and Aloy worried at her bottom lip - perhaps it was best not to dwell on the subject of her death any longer.

"Now, I believe I should let you two know that there will be a feast tonight in honor of the High Conclave," Avad said. "And from what Kanov has told me, the Munishka tend to be a bit, er, _rambunctious_ in their celebrations."

"Sounds like my kind of party," Nil said with a raised eyebrow. Avad fixed him with a stern look.

"Try not to over-indulge this time, Nil. We don't need another _incident_ , especially in a place where we're guests."

"Incident?" Aloy asked, her curiosity piqued. 

Avad grimaced. "Truly, you don't want to know."

"His Radiance is overreacting," Nil said, rolling his eyes. "As with all tedious social events in the Palace of the Sun, I was bored and drunk, and sometimes that means hiding in alcoves and scaring as many nobles as I can without being caught."

Aloy groaned. "Seriously, Nil?"

"By scaring, he means donning a cloak - and only a cloak - and threatening them with his knife. I was cleaning up after that particular mess for months," Avad said, rubbing at his forehead. "Regardless, please just _try_ to exercise a tiny bit more tact this time. For me."

Nil sighed. "Fine. You take the fun out of everything."

"That's my job," Avad said, his lips quirking. He stood, smoothing the wrinkles from his clothing. "Well, the rest of our day seems to be free. Shall we get some breakfast?"

"Yes, please," Aloy said eagerly, her empty stomach rumbling its agreement.

As she fell into step between the two men, Nil's hand settled on her lower back, and Avad offered her his arm - and despite all of the recent turmoil, Aloy decided there was no place she'd rather be. She only hoped that, come tomorrow, such a place would still exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand we're rolling with the plot again!! LOTS of big things going on in the chapter, and you've got a sneak peak of where we're going next! There Munishka arc will be complete around chapter 18, then these guys are finally heading further west.
> 
> Yep, Nil is going to be going through the Rite, and it's going to be intense. I've been alluding to chapter 16 for awhile in my comment replies to some of you, because it's a big deal for him. 
> 
> I did want to apologize for not getting around to answering comments, but in my defense, I've been busy. Between the quarantine and family stuff, I've been working on a lot of art, and I now own a hzd shipping server on discord. I'll be better about it this time!
> 
> See you next week!


	15. If You Still Want Me

Although Aloy made it a point to spend every moment she could with Nil, the rest of the day passed far too quickly. Before she knew it, the sun was sinking down past the horizon, and Viatr was all abuzz with preparations for the feast that evening. The festivities were the take place outside of the Conclave tent, which Aloy had since learned functioned as a general gathering space, a town square of sorts. Avad had insisted they show up early to aid in setup as a gesture of gratitude towards the Munishka for granting them an opportunity at an alliance, and she had begrudgingly agreed, despite how aware she was of the hours winding down before she had to see Nil off.

As she was dragging yet another set of chairs to one of the numerous tables, Vanyia appeared and bustled to her side.

"Ah, Aloy," she said, reaching out to take some of Aloy's burden from her, and she sighed in relief. The older woman's eyes were sly. "I have not seen much of you around lately."

"I've been pretty busy," Aloy said nonchalantly, placing the chairs down and sinking into one. She had earned a break, damnit.

"So I have heard," Vanyia said breezily, sitting beside her. 

Aloy raised an eyebrow at the vague comment. "Heard...from Avad?'

"Him, among others. You and your handsome men have been all anyone can speak of."

Aloy frowned, narrowing her eyes in irritation. "I'm not sure why that's anyone's business."

"It is not," Vanyia said bluntly. "But people talk."

"Well, maybe people should learn to keep their mouths shut," Aloy snapped. "What's your point, Vanyia?"

"I wanted to speak to you, as one woman to another," she said, leaning forward as her expression grew serious. "I know you are becoming intimate with that man Nil, my girl, and sometimes it is easy to get carried away with passion."

Aloy darted her eyes away as her cheeks burned. She had only just gotten used to speaking with Nil about their coupling, by the All-Mother, and to be confronted about it in such a way - she was mortified.

"And I know you have no want of a child right now, nor should you," Vanyia continued. "I simply wanted to offer you a way to prevent that before you are ready."

Aloy sat back and blinked rapidly - this was not at all what she had expected. If she were honest with herself, Vanyia's offer was actually a welcome one. Regardless of whether or not she was truly ready to take that next step, having a means to prevent unintended consequences would free up that choice for her, and something within her relaxed at that knowledge. 

"I...I think I'll take you up on that that," she said slowly.

Vanyia gave her a small grin and, after digging around in the pockets of her apron, produced hefty bag of what appeared to be mixed herbs.

"Make a tea with this once a day at bedtime and drink it, even during your cycle," she explained, placing it in Aloy's hands. "Do not miss a dose, or it will not be as effective."

Aloy nodded and slipped the packet into a free pocket. 

"Thank you, Vanyia," she said softly. "I appreciate this - a lot actually."

Vanyia patted at her shoulder with a surprisingly fond smile on her face, then rose to her feet again with a groan. Grimacing, she angled her head towards Aloy with a raised eyebrow. "Come, my girl. There is still much work to be done, and if these old bones can handle it, so can you."

Aloy huffed out an indignant breath, but rose to her feet and trotted dutifully after the older woman.

-

As night descended like a dark veil over the expansive desert, Viatr came alive with massive bonfires and droves of people all eager to partake in food, dancing, and most of all, the alcohol which flowed without end from enormous barrels. A group of musicians arranged in front of the Conclave tent plucked at strange stringed instruments, whistled into tiny metal pipes, and beat their firsts on round drums until it felt as if the earth itself was pulsing to the beat of the boisterous music. 

Aloy found herself in the middle of all of this mayhem, clutching at a cup of the fermented Munishka beverage she had finally learned was called _kitur_. It wasn't often that she drank, but between the Rite and the amount of people she was surrounded by, she figured it would at the very least calm her nerves. She was on her second serving, and the world was already going pleasantly fuzzy around the edges, warmt rapidly seeping into her skin - all in all, the effect was like being covered by a cozy blanket, and she smiled a little as the ever-present nagging of her problems faded away until they were only a distant, mild concern.

"What's the grin for?" Nil asked as he came to her side, snaking an arm around her waist. His free hand held his own cup of _kitur_ , and Aloy had long ago lost count of how many times he had refilled it.

"Nothing," she said, drawing out the word as her eyes roved up to meet his. "You're... you're very pretty, you know. And strong."

Nil snorted. "I think that should be your last drink for tonight, huntress."

"I mean it," Aloy insisted, leaning against him. "Your eyes...and hair...I like them. I like you."

The tiniest of smiles twitched on his lips, even as he rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll admit it - I like you too."

As the band struck up yet another lively tune, an idea came to mind, and Aloy placed her _kitur_ down on a nearby table before grabbing at Nil's wrist and tugging.

"Let's go dance!" she cried over the music. 

"I don't dance," he said, narrowing her eyes at her as she gave a very undignified pout. He sighed. "But if you stop making that horrible face, I'll make an exception."

Surprisingly, it was he who began walking towards the exuberant crowd of Munishka. Aloy was confused, though she eagerly followed along, bouncing along to the beat of the drums with every step. But he lead her past the crowd, past the Conclave tent, and deep into the shadowed maze of passageways and alleys between tents. They didn't get very far before Nil suddenly wheeled on her, backing her slowly into a canvas wall.

"You'll get your dance, my huntress," he said roughly as he loomed over her, and Aloy gulped at the dangerous glint in his silvered eyes. "But first, I'd like to claim a favor of my own."

His mouth crushed over hers then, and Aloy's surprised exclamation melted into a low moan. She eagerly kissed him back, winding her arms around his neck, drinking in the dizzying warmth of his lips, his exposed chest, and his broad hands as they cupped her backside. A whimpering cry left her as he slid his arms up under her thighs and hoisted her up against him, until her center was pressed flush against the firm heat of his length. Nil's touch usually had her squirming, but the mild haze from the _kitur_ made everything feel somehow even better. It felt as if electricity was crackling over her skin, like the charge of lightning from a nearby storm.

"I'd take you right now if I could," he hissed in her ear as they parted. "How I've longed to sink into you like an arrowhead into an unguarded belly, and have you come apart on my cock."

Between the heat of Nil's words and the movement of his body against hers, Aloy's head was swimming in a thick fog of lust, and she was only capable of bucking mindlessly against him, her breath coming in short little pants. His teeth found her neck, and he bit down before sucking punishingly at the spot, tearing a sharp gasp from her. Aloy knew it would leave a mark but found herself not caring much - let him claim her in this way. If tonight was to be their last together, she wanted the reminder that he had been here with her.

"I want you," Aloy gasped out, curving into him as his free hand found her breast and kneaded at it roughly. "So badly. Please, ah-"

"Ah, ah," he murmured, slowing his motions somewhat - although the torturous friction of his hips against hers continued as he ground into her, with so much frustrating slowness Aloy wanted to scream. "As much as I'd _love_ to hear my name on your lips as I'm buried deep within you, we both know now is not the time or place."

Frustrated tears pricked in Aloy's eyes. "So when will it be the right time? Vanyia gave me herbs to prevent a child, and I want you, Nil. I know you want me too. So why are you holding back?"

The silver of Nil's eyes darkened to molten steel. "You have no idea how much you tempt me, huntress. If this were three years ago, back among the bandit camps, you would've already had your wish."

He lowered her back down to the ground then, carefully and gently, and held her face between his hands. 

"But Aloy," he said softly as he grazed his lips over hers, "things have changed since then. I..."

He paused here, his eyes unreadable as they darted to the side. 

"...care for you a great deal. You're worth far more than a quick tumble among the sheets."

"You and I both know it would be more than that," Aloy whispered.

Nil didn't respond to that; instead, he circled around behind her then, wrapping his arms around her waist so tenderly that her heart skipped a beat. The edge of his chin rested in the dip between her neck and her shoulder, and, along with the flowing strains of music, he moved her in a languid, sensuous dance. Lulled by the swaying of his hips with hers, the quiet warmth of his body against her own, Aloy's eyes slid shut, and she tilted her head against his. All of her thoughts melted away from her until nothing remained except for her, Nil, and the steady beating of his heart against her back.

After awhile, he turned her around to face him, his pale eyes warm with the reflected glow of a nearby fire as he gazed down at her. Without words, he bent over and kissed her. There was no urgency, no heated undertone, just his lips caressing hers, as if he was savoring her. 

He eventually pulled away with a soft exhale, his breath still mingling with hers, and Aloy knew it then - she was in love with Nil. It was in the way her heart was pounding against her chest, the way her fingers were shaking and clammy, in the giddy fluttering of her stomach. It had been in the way she had let him touch her like no other man or woman had before, the way she had endeavored to bring him as much pleasure as he had brought her, the way panic clawed at her at the thought of a life without him. A tangle of words caught in her throat when their eyes met.

"Nil," she whispered as his hands came up to stroke at her hair. "I'm so afraid."

"I know," was his quiet reply.

"The thought of something happening to you..." She swallowed. "Aren't you scared?"

"Not for myself, no."

At her noise of disbelief, he drew back and gazed down at her with a serious expression.

"Aloy, I'm not afraid to meet my death. I've been prepared to die for a very long time. I am afraid, however - for you. What it would do to you, someone who cares too much and too deeply, even for a monster like me."

"You're not a monster-"

"I am," Nil said firmly, and his eyes glinted dangerously in the low light, a sharp sliver of silver in the dark. Aloy couldn't help it; she instinctively tensed up, and a sardonic smile tugged at his lips.

"Nil-"

"Go to bed, huntress," he said, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Staying awake and worrying won't change the situation. Besides, it's nearly midnight. I need to be at the Conclave tent soon."

She thought to argue, but his face was full of so much finality that she gave a resigned sigh and clasped his hands in her own.

"Fine. Just...come back to me. Please."

"As I told you once before," he said, leaning over and ghosting his lips over hers in a final kiss, "I would do anything to keep that light in your eyes burning, and if that means keeping myself alive, then I'll do everything in my power to survive."

"I'm not saying goodbye," Aloy said fiercely. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay, Aloy," Nil said quietly. "See you soon."

She backed away, keeping her eyes fixed on him and his hands cradled in hers for as long as she could. Then, she let them drop, and with tears in her eyes, fled back to the tent.  
-

Avad was still awake when Aloy entered, and she hastily wiped her forearm over her face in a weak attempt to conceal her watery eyes and red, blotchy face. Observant as he was, however, his eyes grew wide with alarm as he took in her appearance, and he jumped to his feet from where he sat on his bedroll.

"Aloy, love," he said in a hushed voice. "What's wrong? You've been crying."

"It's nothing," she choked out, refusing to meet his eyes. She waved him off. "Go back to whatever it is you were doing. You can stop pretending to care about me now."

"We've talked about this, Aloy - I thought things between us were mending." Panicked confusion creased his eyes, and she pushed away a pang of guilt. "Of course I care, you know I do."

"Do I?" Her laugh was borderline hysterical. "One conversation doesn't fix everything, Avad."

"Then I'll keeping saying it until you no longer need to hear it - I know I haven't been fair to you," Avad said quietly, and he held up a hand when she opened her mouth to respond. "Please, just listen to me for a moment. My intention was to speak with you about this again tonight anyway, to fully explain myself."

Aloy crossed her arms over her chest, fixed him with a skeptical stare, and waited.

"I was only trying to do what I believed was right. I wanted to give you the chance to think without my feelings or yours clouding your judgement." His smile was bitter as he looked down at her. "I was wrong. I know that I've hurt you, deeply, and in an attempt to give you space I nearly pushed you away entirely. I realized earlier that I hadn't yet fully apologized, so allow me to do so now - Aloy, I'm sorry. I won't ask for forgiveness, not yet, but I hope my thoughtless actions haven't already made up your mind for you."

At his apology, something in her eased minutely, and she took a deep, cleansing breath.

"I won't lie - you _have_ hurt me. The worst part of this is that I _know_ what it's like to be under so much pressure that it crushes you, makes it so your every decision feels like it's life or death. You could have confided in me. I would have understood."

"I know," Avad said quietly as he stared at the ground. "As Sun-King, it's easy to believe that I'm entirely alone, that there's no one else who could comprehend such a burden. But you, Aloy...how could I have forgotten that you've carried the weight of the world on your shoulders?"

"My mind isn't made up," she said, and his gaze snapped back up to her. For the first time in a long time, she could see hope glimmering in his eyes, and the sight filled her with so much emotion she couldn't breathe for a moment.

"More than anything, Avad, I miss you."

"I've missed you too, almost more than I've been able to bear," he breathed, and then he was tugging her against him and laying his soft lips on her forehead sweetly, and she forgave him, just a little bit. It was much like setting a broken bone - it didn't fix everything, but in time, she knew things between them would mend. 

"Despite the way I've been treating you, Aloy, know that I do love you. And not just as a woman." He pulled away, ghosting his fingertips over her cheek. "But as a friend. I'm so sorry that fact got lost in all of this."

She only found honesty and affection in Avad's eyes as she searched them, and, forgetting herself for the briefest of moments, she stood on her toes and kissed him. He didn't move at first, but then his lips moved over hers as he kissed her back, hesitantly at first, but then with more vigor as he drew her closer. His hand moved to cradle her head, and Aloy lost herself for a few minutes in the safety and calm of his embrace.

"I-I'm sorry," she said as she suddenly pulled away, blushing fiercely. "I didn't mean to - I know I'm not supposed to -"

"Now, don't get into the habit of apologizing for kissing me," Avad said with a soft chuckle as his thumb glided along her cheek. His lips were slightly swollen from kissing her, and his eyes glowed with more intensity than usual as they reflected back the warm light of the lantern. Her heart skipped a beat at just how beautiful he was in that moment. "Besides, I think we both needed that."

She nodded mutely, and he pressed his forehead against hers.

"I do still need to keep a level of distance from you," he said, a rueful smile tugging at his lips. "Not because I presume to know what you need, but for my own sanity. But if you're in agreement, I would like nothing more than for us to go back to the way things were before this became the mess that it has."

"I would like that," Aloy said, returning his smile. "But...Avad, just for tonight, would you sleep beside me again?"

His breath caught as indecision warred over his face.

"Please," she whispered. "I've been sick with worry since Nil volunteered himself for the Rite, and I don't want to be alone right now."

"All right, Aloy," he said, his eyes so kind that her chest clenched. "Just for tonight."

She untied her apron, throwing it over in the general direction of the bench, and then slid into bed with a sigh. Avad joined her after extinguishing the lantern, and unlike their last time sleeping together, tonight he didn't bother with pretense - he gathered her up into his arms and pulled her against him until her back was flush with his chest. His breathing was slow and even, and the rise and fall of his chest gave her something to focus on to calm her racing mind.

"Can you talk to me for a bit?" she asked anxiously. "About something, anything."

There was a brief pause, but soon Avad began to speak in a quiet, soothing voice against her ear.

"When we were boys, Nil and I used to spend summers running amok in the Maizelands. Sometimes Kadaman would be with us, sometimes not, but we would swim in the rivers and evade my father's guards for as long as we could. Inevitably, we would be caught, and I would be dragged back into the palace, usually covered head to toe in mud."

Aloy giggled softly at the thought of pristine, image-conscious Avad covered in mud.

"Ah, you laugh, but you have never faced the wrath of my nursemaid. She was a fearsome old battle-axe, having raised many of the Radiant House's children from the time we were infants. She knew all of our tricks and exactly how to thwart us at every turn. I believe she secretly enjoyed it, though, because sometimes we got away with things we otherwise wouldn't have."

He was silent for a moment.

"When she passed away, it was like losing a mother. Having no memories of my own, I mourned her as one."

"I'm so sorry, Avad."

He groaned, and she sighed as he nuzzled into her hair. "I apologize. This isn't the lightest topic for a distracting conversation."

"It's okay. It...sounds like you and Nil were really close growing up."

"We were." His tone was wistful. "He tries to downplay it, but we were inseparable from the day we met. I considered him my best friend, and when he left, well...frankly, it broke my heart. We haven't spent this much time around each other in years, not even back in Meridian."

"I'm glad you've been able to be together again, then," she said, smiling briefly. "Even if you do argue constantly."

Avad chuckled. "Yes, well, we have always been that way. You know better than anyone else how he has that unique way of getting under your skin."

She let out a small, surprised squeak when he squeezed her tighter.

"I also wanted to apologize for what I said about you and him. You were entirely correct - I have no claim to you, and you were justified in your anger."

"I appreciate that, Avad," she said softly, laying her hand over his.

"It's only... I've been so afraid, Aloy," he said, his voice rough. "I've lost so much in my life, and now, my people are suffering, and miles and miles away in exile, I cannot do anything to aid them. Everything in my life is spinning out of control, and I feel aimless. I never wanted any of this, but I threw myself into being Sun-King because it was either that or selfishly deny my people the stability they so desperately needed. If there were a good option to abdicate the throne, I would take it in a heartbeat. Instead, the Sundom is stuck with an incompetent fool of a leader-"

"Avad, stop." Aloy twisted herself around in his embrace, and she gathered him up in her arms, bringing his head to her chest as if he were a small child. He shuddered, a harsh sob tearing from him, and her voice was fierce when she spoke again.

"You are a good man. But you're only that - a man, your role as Sun-King be damned. You're not a fool, and you are _not_ a bad person by any stretch. I wouldn't feel the way I do about you if you were."

He was shaking against her like a leaf in a storm, so she held him closer.

"I don't deserve you, my love, I don't-"

"If I'm not allowed to say that," she said against his hair, "then you aren't either."

After several minutes of Aloy stroking his back and his hair, her chest humming with the melody of a childhood lullaby Rost had often sung for her, he quieted.

"I'm sorry for burdening you with this. It's my responsibility to handle." Avad lifted his head, and the ambient light of the tent caught on the wetness covering his cheeks, so Aloy wiped it away.

"You're going to need to start entrusting me with your problems," she said, bringing her lips to his forehead. "I know you're used to dealing with everything on your own, but I'm scared too. I'd rather us face this together."

He pulled away and took her hands in his, and his expressive amber eyes were shining with so much fervent emotion that Aloy swallowed thickly. 

"Don't be afraid, love," Avad said. "I may not be able to protect you in the same way you protect me, but I will do my best to guard your heart and to soothe away your fears. Regardless of what happens tomorrow or in the future, I'm here with you."

Aloy wasn't exactly surprised when he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers - the air of the tent swirled thickly with heady emotion. Salt from his tears prickled at her tongue, and she deepened the kiss, determined to make him forget his burdens, if only for a moment. 

When he finally broke the kiss, a smile was tugging at Avad's lips, and he tenderly brushed her bangs from her eyes.

"I must say, I'm going to miss this come morning."

"Me too," said Aloy as she returned his smile. She hesitated for a moment, before adding, "Thank you, Avad. For doing this."

"Anything for you," he murmured, his fingertips settling on the space between her eye and cheekbone. "Do you think you can sleep now?"

"I can try." She sucked in a deep breath, then let it out. "And if I can't, you're here."

"Always," he promised. As Aloy turned back on her side, he once more wrapped her in his embrace and pulled her snugly against him.

"Wake me if you need anything," he whispered, pressing a brief kiss to her temple. "Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight, Avad."

But Aloy couldn't seem to find it in her to relax and sleep, even when she felt Avad's breathing deepen as he slipped into his own slumber. Thoughts of the Rite were whirling in her head as they had been since this morning - but on top of that, there was the burgeoning revelation that she was desperately in love with two men and had absolutely no idea what to do about it. 

Before, romantic love had been a mostly foreign concept to her. Logically, she had known what it entailed - after all, it seemed to be one of the most commonly talked about topics of conversation among others her age, not to mention the theme of many a song. 

And Aloy was beginning to understand why. Everytime her mind wandered to Nil or Avad, her heart would stutter then speed up, much the same as it tended to during an exhilirating battle. The need to be close to them, to do things which would earn laughter or a smile, to even just hear either one speak - she found herself wanting all of these with increasing frequency. 

Aloy felt fickle, and she was starting to believe that something was wrong with her - after all, how could she desire two men at once? In her (albeit, very limited) experience, people tended to pair off into couples, and she had never heard of three people sharing in each other beyond being occasional bed partners. Although she was aware of the fact that Avad and Nil held deep feelings for both each other and her, she also knew that such an unconventional relationship would likely not interest them - especially with Avad being Sun-King. 

Despite how desperately she wished it weren't so, Aloy knew she would soon have to make a choice between Nil and Avad - and she wasn't sure if she could bring herself to let either one of them go. It was this dilemma which circled endlessly in her head as she eventually drifted off into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So everyone is starting to realize they love each other at the same time but are continuing to be total idiots about it, yay! Now we're getting to the frustrating part of the story!
> 
> Re: Avad, I felt like him and Aloy needed to have a real conversation about how he treated her (even if it's mostly because she's lashing out). Now that they've entirely cleared the air, things can move forward!!
> 
> Next chapter is the first part of the Rite, and oh boy it's a big one. Warning you guys now: there will be several content warnings attached to it, because we're taking a deep dive into Nil's past and trauma and it's not pretty. They'll be posted at the beginning of the chapter, so please mind them. 
> 
> The Munishka arc is coming to an end, probably in chapter 18. I'll be taking a brief one week hiatus to work on the detailed outline for the next part of the story, then it's back on the road!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and see you next week! ❤️


	16. The Death of a Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Content warnings: child/spousal abuse, blood, death, alcohol/drug use.**

When Nil was jostled awake in the early hours of the morning, instinct demanded he reach for a knife that wasn't there. A blindfold was slipped over his eyes, and reflexively, he swung his fist around in the direction of whoever was tying it. A hand caught his wrist.

"Settle down, man," grumbled an unknown male voice. Someone grabbed at his arms, and his hands were secured roughly behind his back. "It is time to begin the Rite."

As he was guided outside, Nil gulped in huge mouthfuls of the chilly morning air in an attempt to cool his boiling blood. Years as a soldier and then, after his imprisonment, more spent in the wilderness had primed him to react to any threat with immediate violence, and this was not easily suppressed.

"Step up," the voice grunted, and the sole of his boot hit metal as the unseen man helped him on to what was clearly a Munishka sand sled. Someone guided him into a seated position against what seemed to be the base of the handlebars, and as he was being lashed to them, an indignant shout rang out.

"Get out of my way! Let me see him!"

He grinned as he recognized Aloy's snarling, demanding tone, and a possessive sort of pride filled him - the beautiful, fiery huntress, fighting for him.

"It is too late, child," said a female voice. "The Rite has already begun."

"Nil!" Aloy yelled, her voice fierce. "Nil, if you can hear me, you'd better come back alive! Avad and I will be waiting!"

"For you, always," he said softly.

A whistle sounded; the sled began to skid forward, and it quickly picked up speed, soon gliding smoothly along the earth. Nil relaxed and let himself drift off, knowing he ought to take advantage of every chance to rest he could - he was painfully aware of the fact that he wouldn't be sleeping for the next couple of days. It was about an hour later when he was startled out of his dozing by their coming to a halt. He was untied from the sled, made to stand, and the bonds were cut from his wrists.

"Nil of the Carja Clan," said the low voice of an older woman. "You begin this Rite as those who would become Munishka did many years ago, wandering lost in the desert. Now you will partake of the blood of the metal beasts, becoming as crazed as our ancestors once were."

The rim of a cup was held to his lips, and with a grimace, he swallowed its contents. Surprisingly, it wasn't entirely horrible - thick and overwhelmingly metallic, but with a lingering sweetness to temper it.

"If the spirits of the desert and then Nas deem you worthy, you will return having completed the first step towards becoming one of the Munishka. If not, your body will become a sacred offering to the spirits of the Endless Desert."

The male voice chimed in again. "Do not remove the blindfold until you can no longer hear us, or you will forfeit the Rite."

With a blank expression, he nodded, and there was shuffling as they prepared the sled to leave. After several minutes, he could no longer make out the whooshing of the sled and the clanging of the Bolters over the gusting desert winds, so he ripped off the blindfold and glanced around calculatingly through narrowed eyes.

The sun was just rising to the east, and thankfully the sled had left obvious tracks heading south. With the knowledge that he had little time to waste before the hallucinatory effects of the machine blood kicked in, Nil broke out into a full run beside the trail of grooves in the sand. 

By his count, it took roughly twenty minutes for the world to start wavering and curling around the edges. Stopping for a moment to catch his breath, he bent over and clutched at his knees, panting hard. Numbness was spreading outward from his chest, creeping slowly down into his limbs, and he was fairly certain he couldn't feel his face anymore. A shaking hand left a lingering trail when he waved it in front of his eyes, and he grew grim - it wouldn't be long now.

As he began to move forward again, a sweet, sighing voice called his name, but he kept going, uncertain whether it had been a trick of the wind or not. When he heard it again, behind him and much louder this time, he froze and, with growing trepidation, slowly turned around.

"Sahad."

Horror curdled in his stomach, and he stumbled back.

"M-mother?" he whispered, hot bile rising up in his throat, but he clenched his jaw until his teeth ground against each other. "No, this isn't real."

Clad in only the gauzy white fabric of her burial shroud, his mother took a jagged step towards him, the bright blue eyes he had found so much comfort in as a boy contorted with grief.

"Oh, Sahad, my Sahad!" She was wailing through great, heaving sobs, and when she bent over and clutched at herself, a stain of crimson bloomed over her abdomen. As she sank to her knees, her lank black hair draped over her face like a mourning veil - and for the briefest moment, black flashed to red, and she was Aloy on the floor of the Cauldron, surrounded by a rapidly spreading pool of her own blood.

"It's not real, it's not real, it's not-"

"My sweet little baby has become a monster!"

"No, mother, I-"

"Shut your mouth, worthless boy!"

He fell to the ground and scurried backwards as the towering form of his father appeared behind his mother, and suddenly he was eight years old again - too small to defend himself.

"Quiet, you miserable bitch," his father snarled, gripping his mother by the hair and tossing her to the side as if she weighed nothing. Nil cried out and lunged for her, but she landed hard and disintegrated into millions of grains of sand. His father laughed hysterically and wheeled on him, and he did what he always had done: cowered.

"It's not real..."

"You always were a monster and a coward," his father said, leaning over and filling the entirety of Nil's vision with a menacing sneer. "The collection of dead animals, the fascination with blood, your sick obsession with the prince...you were never fit to be the heir of House Argent. Too bad your cunt of a mother died along with your baby brother, and I ended up stuck with you."

"No, mother!" he howled, burying his face in his hands and trembling so hard he felt as if he were coming apart. "Mama! Come back, please! I'll be good again, I promise-"

"I'll fucking kill you this time, I'll fucking do it."

The overwhelming stench of stale Scrappersap mixed with spittle filled his nose, and he leaned forward and retched until his raw stomach screamed in protest.

"Boy. Come with me. You're old enough now."

Shaking so violently he could barely see straight, Sahad looked up into harsh pale eyes so like his own.

"...Helis?"

He grabbed his uncle's hand and rose to his feet, and his father disappeared like he had never been there at all.

"Volunteer yourself to join Jiran's army early," Helis said in his oddly calming voice. "And when it's time, become a kestrel like me. My brother does not see what I see - you will bring great glory to the Carja. The Sun has told me so."

Numbly, he nodded - anything was better than what he had just faced, -anything- to take him away from his father, from that life - and suddenly he was engulfed by the biting sting of a sandstorm. Countless abrasive grains of sand coated the walls of his nose and mouth, and he dropped to the ground, clawing at his throat as the grit itched and scraped at him from the inside. Fingers wrapped around his ankle, and he gave a choking gasp.

"Don't leave me behind! I don't want to die here."

His reply fell from his lips, burning like acid - not his words, but those of his uncle's.

"Only the strong survive to become one of the Sun-King's favored, and you're weak - only death awaits you, so turn your face to the Sun."

Squinting his eyes against the blinding winds of the storm, Sahad shook the hand from his leg and painstakingly crawled forward until his forehead bumped into something. The storm abruptly ceased, and he was being pulled to his feet again.

"Well done, nephew. From this day forward, you will be one of Sun-King Jiran's own, a kestrel, and you will do battle for the glory of the Sun. I'm proud to call you my kin."

And then he was kneeling, and Avad's sneering father was placing that now familiar weight of red feathers and metal upon his head, and then he was in the Nora Sacred Lands, and also Cinnabar Sands, and the Daunt too, and there was screaming and fire and so much blood and the dull shine of dead eyes and the stink of sweat and piss and fear and death and he laughed and laughed and laughed-

"Nil?"

"Who?" Sahad lifted his head from where he had buried it in his hands, and he froze. Before him stood a heartbreakingly beautiful woman, her hair creating a fiery halo around her head, the cutting gleam of her green eyes boring into him - and Nil remembered himself, and her. 

"Aloy, my huntress," he whispered, reaching out for her with trembling fingers. "You came for me."

But she recoiled, shocked horror twisting her features.

"No, you're supposed to be dead," she said, the color draining from her face. "I killed you. I made sure you were dead."

"Clearly not, huntress. Is this some kind of joke?" he said with a nervous laugh, and when he tried to touch her again, she slapped his hand away.

"I had to do it. I had to put you down, like the rabid beast you were. It was only a matter of time before you turned your bow on innocents, so it was my responsibility to end you before that happened."

"Why are you doing this, Aloy?" Nil asked, a pang of hurt stabbing at him. "Tell me what I've done, and whatever it is, I'll fix it for you as I promised."

"Stop speaking to me like you know me," she said coldly.

"But I do know you," he protested, and he dug his fingernails into his palms so hard they broke skin. "I know how you bite your lip and can't stop speaking whenever you're nervous, how you instantly relax whenever I touch you in even the smallest of ways, how your smile is so bright when I take you to bed I can hardly look at you-"

"Lies," she hissed. "I would never willingly fall into bed with a monster." Her eyes narrowed with disgust. "Unless it was not by choice-"

"No," he said in a strangled voice, his heart beating so hard in his chest he felt like it could burst. "Never, not to anyone, especially not the woman I love!"

Nil's eyes widened as the he realized the weight of what he had just confessed, but before he could stop to consider his words, Aloy was being thrown to the ground. 

With a furious yell, he jumped at her assailant, but when he reached out to grab them, his hands passed through air. The person angled his head towards him, and suddenly Nil was looking into his own smirking face - but his eyes were so cold and so dead, it was like looking at his own corpse.

He turned back to Aloy, and with a vicious snarl, brutally slashed his knife over the pale skin of her throat. Blood instantly welled up in an angry gash there, pouring out over that delicate curve Nil loved to lavish with bites and kisses, and his stomach churned so violently he felt like he was going to vomit again.

"Look at me," he crooned, in a painfully cruel mockery of the words Nil had spoken only days before. Holding Aloy close as she choked and gasped out her dying breaths, he gazed into her eyes as hungrily as he would if she were splayed out beneath him in bed. "That's it..."

The pair vanished then, and with an exhausted moan, Nil collapsed to the ground, clutching at his head and curling into himself as he sobbed. "No more, please, I can't take any more, I'd rather die-"

"Hello."

Tears clouded his vision as he glanced up once again, and a sardonic smile stretched his cracked lips.

"Who are you?"

The tears were streaming down his cheeks now, and he gave a dry, laughing sob.

"I'm Prince Avad."

The young prince's kind brown eyes shined down on him exactly as they had the day they met as boys, and when Nil reached out to grasp his offered hand, he was watching the best parts of his childhood play out in front of him.

"Sahad! Come swimming in the Maizelands with me and Kadaman!"

"Let's go to the Nightmarkets tonight! I bet I can get you out of the palace without the guards noticing!"

"Can you help me with my stance, Sahad? You were always so much better at it."

"Avad, come with me, I wanted to show you something I found."

"Sahad! Don't hit him! You know the priests are just going to whip you!"

Sahad slowly sat up, hugging his aching knees to his chest, and his smile grew fond as the balm of these memories soothed at the agonizing wounds of those that had come before.

"Sahad?"

And then it was that long ago night when he and Avad had snuck out after hours to watch the stars under the darkness of a new moon, filled to the brim with all the brash mischievousness of their adolescence. A lump caught in Sahad's throat, and he swallowed thickly. That night...

"I'm leaving."

The prince's hand slid over his arm.

"Leaving? As in...a trip?"

"No. I'm leaving home for awhile." He turned to face him fully, his head held high. "Tomorrow, I'm volunteering myself for your father's army, and the training will take me far from Meridian."

"But-"

Sahad's fists clenched, but he forced himself to relax. "Avad, don't argue. You of all people know how my father is, why I need to do this. It's the only way out I have. My uncle has offered to take me under his wing."

"Sahad, no, we've talked about this! What my father is doing is wrong," He stared at the prince, whose eyes were wet with unshed tears. "And I don't want anything to happen to you. He grows more war-hungry by the hour!"

"I don't have another choice. It's either this or live under the hand of my father until he or I die, and I can't bear another day of it. If I die in battle, it will at least be something I chose."

"We'll figure something out like we always do." Avad's eyes searched his beseechingly. "Please, Sahad. I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be alone," he murmured, his thumb collecting an escaped tear. "You still have Kadaman to protect you."

"We can see each after you come back, right?" Hope radiated from Avad's eyes as he clasped Sahad's hand fumblingly in his own. "This isn't a sunset for us, right, Sahad?"

"Avad..." He suddenly found it difficult to find words, to douse the newly-kindled spark in those beautiful amber eyes. Somehow he managed to steel himself, although his next words were still gentle. "It's best that we travel on our own paths for awhile. Separately."

"But I don't know what I'll do without you," Avad said, his face crumpling. "You're my best friend, the only one who doesn't treat me differently because of who my father is. You mean everything to me, and without you...there's nothing left."

Unable to stomach the torment of Avad's grief-stricken face any longer, Sahad leaned forward and brushed his lips against the prince's - softly, sweetly and with all the fumbling shyness of a shared first kiss. When he finally pulled away, Avad's eyes were huge, shining with the glow of distant fires.

"I'll come back someday, after my father is gone," Sahad whispered fiercely, smoothing a curl from his forehead. "Upon the honor of my House, I swear it. We'll be together again one day."

Avad wrapped his arms around Sahad, nuzzling against his chest with a shuddering sigh, and they stayed that way until the sky began to lighten in the east.

The memory shifted, and he was standing before an older Avad this time - Sahad's heart quickened at how resplendent he was in the full regalia of the Sun-King - volunteering a confession for his crimes. He hadn't felt much of anything for so long, but the sorrow on his childhood friend's face tore at his guts like a Glinthawk into scrap.

"Lord Sahad of House Argent, it is the will of the Sun that I hereby sentence you to two years of imprisonment at Sunstone Rock. Use this time wisely to reflect upon your choices and return to society a better man."

Avad's eyes squeezed shut as the guards shackled him and led him away, and Sahad almost missed his quiet words.

"You promised me something once, Sahad. Have you forgotten?"

With a snarl, he wrestled himself away from his escort, whipped around, and fixed the Sun-King with a wild, pleading stare.

"No. Never."

The disappointment dulling Avad's eyes as Sahad was tackled to the ground was his constant companion for the next two years.

Then, it was four years on - after Sunstone Rock, after Aloy - on the night they were truly reunited in Meridian. Wine and dancing and conversation and entirely too many people, too many memories swirled around him, and he slipped away into one of the many gardens, half-drunk and staring up at the half-moon in silence until the Sun-King found him there.

"Sahad," he breathed, and as impulsively as he had as a teenager, Nil crushed his mouth against Avad's, and they somehow made their way into his expansive chambers without being noticed.

"I told you I hadn't forgotten," he murmured into the graceful arch of Avad's neck, and the Sun-King shuddered against him like he had so many years before.

With nothing left between them, their skin slid together, and it almost felt like he had come home.

Almost.

"There's danger ahead, girl."

And then she appeared before him, and it was really her this time - all fire and strength and vicious tenacity, and he somehow had the inkling at the very edge of his subconscious that she would be the way forward, the light that would guide him the rest of the way home. 

The thrill of fighting those first bandits side by side, the vibrating twang of his bowstring as he loosed an arrow that flew true, glancing over to see her face curled in a bloodthirsty snarl so similar to his own, his heart quickening for her even then, and then doing it all over again. The throbbing of the wound she had left when she refused his duel, but also the strange lightening in his chest, and then the final battle had come, and he had finally learned her precious name.

Girl, huntress...

"Aloy."

"Nil!"

She was collapsing on the floor of the Cauldron again, and he could feel his heart almost stop right there. Blood, there was so much blood, and instead of the usual potent delight, he felt so sick, so afraid, and he wasn't sure if she had lost too much or if he could still save her, and he gathered her up in his arms(so small, so light, so fragile) and held her close to his chest, stumbling as fast as he could back to Avad.

"Nil..."

And then she was standing above him, her skirt pushed up, his face shoved against her wet heat(it was warmth, pleasure, an inevitable homecoming), devouring her, savoring her. She was indescribably beautiful as her eyes shone with that light so similar to the one that came in the moments before death, her hair fanning like wild flames around her, and everything he had wanted to say stuck in his throat.

"Aloy..."

At the limits of his awareness, so quietly that he almost missed it, Nil could hear singing. He squinted, the dark, barren expanse of the desert coming hazily into focus before him again, and a splash of red upon the earth caught his eye.

Lurching forward, he bent over and picked it up, realizing what it was before his fingers even finished closing around it.

A finely crafted arrow, the handiwork of the fletching so wonderfully familiar.

One of hers.

The singing grew louder, and a trail of those same arrows stretched out before him, and he recognized the singing voice as Avad's. Mellow, warm, and inviting. Beckoning him.

" _Oh my love, your hands, they hold the sun, and I shall adorn your fingers with the finest of jewels._ "

"Both of you," he gasped, stumbling forward. "Sun and Shadow, it's both of you."

Before him, a spanning web of endless futures materialized in the empty place where there had once been nothing. Defeating the Tenakth; returning triumphant to Meridian to fanfare and flowers; watching with so much pride and love as Aloy and Avad were married in the Temple of the Sun; Aloy being crowned Queen Consort of the Sundom; a tiny, mewling bundle clutched to her breast; children and grandchildren surrounding them as the decades passed; Aloy, so much older but still just as beautiful, leaning heavily against his side and weeping with the entirety of Meridian and the Sundom as Avad was laid to rest at the base of the Spire.

And then the darker ones came, but in these they were together still - Avad, gutted and bleeding out, his last breaths spent on words of love for him and Aloy; Aloy and him wandering the world, hopelessly lost; Aloy, dying on the battlefield, gored by a machine, or in childbirth; Avad and him devastated, uncertain how to continue forward in a world suddenly without color; failing to defeat the Tenakth and spending the rest of their lives fighting to win back the Sundom; Avad, tormented - a king in eternal exile; Aloy, filled with helpless rage and no outlet; another future where they lived among the Munishka; sharing a tent, a bed, eventually accepting their fates and finding a sort of contentment; laughter and traveling and eventually children here, too; Avad, finally freed from the yoke of Sun-King and able to live as a normal man; Aloy, finding an easy belonging among the Munishka; living and working and dying after a life well-spent.

All of these futures, these possibilities - and in each of them, a place for him. There was blessed _relief_ , the first gasping pull of air filling his lungs after years of holding his breath.

A brilliant full moon was rising beyond the sea of dunes, and as he stood still, washed in silver, the last stubborn traces of who he had been before faded away into nothingness.

Nil knew there was no way he could ever begin to atone for his numerous sins - men like him didn't deserve absolution. But still, there had always been a fragile seed of goodness inside of him, that sense of right and wrong that had led him to, in his own way, attempt to atone for his actions. On the day he met Aloy, that seed sprouted the tiniest hopeful tendrils, and every time he ran into her after, they grew and strengthened just a little bit more. Her refusal to end him, the understanding that there -was- a place for him in this world, that he -was- someone worth saving - it was the first time in years he had felt anything resembling hope. When Aloy had gone off on her own, and he had ended up in Meridian again, Avad had taken over as a guiding light, and before he had realized it, that goodness and hope had metamorphisized into something he wasn't sure he would ever again possess - the beginnings of a conscience.

Unshakeable conviction was birthed in his heart, and he knew without a doubt - never again would he let Avad and Aloy go. It didn't matter what form his relationship with them took; he would stay steadfast by their sides, even if it was what ultimately ended up killing him(and what a worthy death that would be!). Truthfully, he wasn't entirely certain he knew what it meant to love somebody past the physical - after all, who had ever loved him beyond his own mother? But if he _was_ capable of loving, if that was the name of this all-consuming, soul-deep protective gentleness he felt, then he knew he already loved them both with everything he was. 

And so Nil followed Aloy's trail of arrows and Avad's singing. It felt like years went by before they suddenly vanished, and the colorful tents of Viatr Camp rose up at the edge of the horizon. A weary sigh of relief left him, and he fell to his hands and knees.

Someone called out then, and minutes later, a flurry of activity surrounded him. Burly arms lifted him to his feet, and he could hear an achingly familiar yelling nearby.

"You've done it, my boy," a deep voice chuckled, and he dimly recognized it as the man Kanov's. "You've passed the first part of the Rite."

"Nil! Avad, come on! All-Mother, _move out of my way_. Where is he? Nil, oh, Nil..."

A blessedly cool hand laid on his brow, and he cracked his sore eyes open, a smile tugging at his lips as he beheld his splendid, worried huntress for what felt like the first time. And beside her was his king, his face lined with concern and yet still just as radiant as his title would suggest. Somehow he found the strength to pull away from Kanov and collapse against the two of them.

"Sahad," Avad breathed against his ear, and Nil felt himself being held up by his strong arms. "Thank the Sun. You're all right."

"Nil," Aloy said, her voice cracking, and he sagged into her embrace. Her hands came up to stroke at his hair, and he could feel her trembling.

"Aloy, Avad, both of you," Nil slurred, and when he looked up at them, their faces shone as brightly as the Sun itself. "I've finally come home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was ROUGH for me to write, guys. A lot of this chapter was a bit of a style experiment which was at least fun. Beyond that, there's a lot to digest here, but this is pretty much what Nil has been building towards!! I probably took some major liberties with the machine blood, but whatever - it's not like we know exactly HOW it works or what it does beyond Brin's quest. 
> 
> Anyway, murder boy has turned a corner from here, so we'll see how that all shakes out!!
> 
> Regretfully, I have to say that a brief hiatus is probably on the horizon - the quarantine and my partners being home constantly has seriously interfered with my ability to write, and as of posting this chapter 17 is only halfway done. We'll see, and I'll be sure to let you guys know. Hope everyone is doing as well as they can under the circumstances!!


	17. Aftermath

"Don't touch him!"

The priestess drew back with an irritated scowl as Aloy protectively clutched Nil closer to her. Avad laid a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off and continued to glare at the older woman.

"He needs water and rest, child," the priestess said in a clipped voice. "You may come visit him in a few hours."

"I can take care of him myself," Aloy snarled. "If you think I'm letting him out of my sight-"

She stopped short as Avad cleared his throat beside her.

"Does this interfere with any of the rituals associated with the Rite?"

The priestess blinked rapidly. "Well, no, but-"

"Then you should leave him in our care," Avad said firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument. "As Aloy said, we're more than capable of handling him ourselves."

She threw up her hands, a disgusted look on her face. "Fine, do as you must! Once he is healed, we will send someone to explain the second part of the Rite." As the priestess shuffled off, Aloy could hear her muttering, "Nas-cursed outlanders, always thinking they know better..."

She huffed indignantly, but turned her attention back to Nil as he gave a soft moan.

"We should take him back to our tent now," Avad suggested. "He should be in bed."

He looped an arm around Nil, and together with Aloy practically carried him back to their dwelling. Once inside, they hauled him on to the bed, and as Aloy was pulling off his shoes, he cracked his eyes open a smidge.

"Undressing me already?" he slurred, his eyes going in and out of focus as he gazed up at her. "You never were one to beat around the bush, huntress."

Aloy snorted, and she motioned for Avad to prop him up so she could remove the filthy Munishka-style top from his torso. 

"Unfortunately for you, all you're getting right now is something to drink and some rest," she said, although she allowed her thumb to skim over his cheek. To reassure herself that he was real, that he had found his way back to her and Avad.

"A shame," he groaned as Aloy rose to grab a canister of water from the desk.

"A necessary one," Avad chuckled. "I'm certain you'll manage."

Sitting back down on the bed, Aloy unscrewed the metal vessel and brought it to Nil's dry, cracked lips, careful to only allow him little bits of water at a time. He gulped it down eagerly, sputtering and choking despite her care.

"Easy," she said softly. "It's not going anywhere, so try to take your time."

"Flame and Sun," he gasped out between swallows. "So good, more than what's deserved."

Aloy stole a quick, confused glance at Avad, but he only shrugged helplessly. Nil didn't say anything else, and when he finished drinking his fill, Avad eased him back down on to the bed. 

"Sleep now, Sahad," he murmured, brushing inky strands of hair from his eyes. "We'll be here when you wake."

"You will, won't you?" he whispered, his hazy grey eyes flickering between them. "You'll always be here, and so will I. By your side. I swore it, as I swore to always love you both."

Aloy's eyes widened, a blush tinging her cheeks at his words, but she pushed the hopeful feeling rising within her right back down again - it was tempting to believe his words, but she firmly reminded herself that people often said nonsensical things when intoxicated.

"Listen to Avad and go to sleep," she said, her voice wavering ever so slightly. Reaching down, she pulled a light blanket over him, then after a brief pause, bent over and placed a kiss on his cheek.

A faint smile tugged at the corners of Nil's lips as his eyes slid shut, and Aloy watched him for a moment longer before turning to Avad.

"He made it back," she breathed out - and finally, the gnarled ball of anxiety entangled within her unraveled. Her body sagged as all of this tension fled from it at once, and she gave a wide yawn.

"You should try to rest too," Avad said, reaching out to give her hand a quick squeeze. "I could feel you tossing and turning beside me these past few nights."

"I won't argue with that," Aloy sighed as she bent over to unlace her boots. She glanced back up at him with a frown. "But what about you? You're probably just as exhausted."

Avad hesitated. "I should allow you two some privacy. I can make myself scarce. Perhaps Ayska-"

"Avad, it's okay. Come to bed with us," Aloy said as she shimmied under the covers next to Nil. She was entirely too exhausted to deal with Avad's usual waffling. Right now, she just wanted both of them beside her, and her voice may have been touched with the slightest bit of pleading when she added, "Please."

"I...all right."

After removing his own shoes, Avad settled on Nil's other side, and she breathed a sigh of relief. After a few seconds of what looked like serious deliberation, he reached over the sleeping soldier and intertwined his fingers with hers. Between the steadying anchor of Avad's hand and the warm press of Nil's body against her own, it wasn't long before Aloy found herself slipping into one of the deepest sleeps she'd ever had.

\--

When she came to much later, something was softly brushing against Aloy's cheek, and her nose wrinkled as the ticklish sensation roused her the rest of the way. Her eyes slid open groggily, then widened as they met Nil's.

"Aloy," he said quietly, his fingers continuing to stroke at her face. In the late afternoon light, his grey eyes were as calm as a fog settling over distant mountains. "Sleep well?"

"Did _I_ sleep well?" she said with a soft laugh. "I think I should be asking you."

He shrugged, and her eyes roved over him, eventually landing on Avad's arm where it was curled over Nil's waist. Some unidentifiable emotion rose in Aloy, and she worried at her lip. 

"Obviously I found my way back," he said nonchalantly, fingering an errant strand of her hair. His tone was mildly chiding when he continued. "And as stubborn as you are, I know you didn't allow yourself any rest until I did."

"How could I?" she whispered, reaching up to lay her hand over his. "I was so worried. What if you hadn't made it-"

"But I did," he said firmly. "You shouldn't waste a mind as sharp as yours on what-ifs, huntress. You'll only drive yourself as mad as the old Sun-King. Focus on what's true."

"What's...true," she repeated slowly, and then resolve welled up inside of her like a Behemoth rising to its feet. "Nil, what you said earlier...the truth is that-"

At that moment, a low groan sounded from Avad, and Aloy snapped her jaw shut as all of her courage dissipated at once. 

"Mm, Sahad," Avad mumbled sleepily, and Nil gave a deep _oof_ when he squeezed him tighter. It was Aloy's laugh that seemed to wake him fully, however, and he froze as his heavy-lidded amber eyes came into focus and caught hers.

"Aloy!" he said with ruddy cheeks, yanking his arm from Nil as if it had been Blaze-burned. "My apologies! This is...I...we shared a bed many times as boys, and I simply-"

"Avad," Aloy said, humor dancing in her voice, "it's all right. I know about you and Nil."

"She's known since Mu Cauldron," Nil added with a shrug. "I didn't see any point in keeping it from her."

Aloy was surprised to see a quick flash of anger bolt across Avad's face, but it quelled somewhat when he took a steadying breath.

"So much for privacy," he muttered darkly as he sat up. "You know, you could have informed me before you decided to disclose the details of my personal affairs to someone else."

"Aloy is the only person I've ever told," Nil replied, but he seemed hesitate, his features softening. "But...I'm sorry, Avad."

Aloy stared at him in utter shock, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see that Avad was doing the same. She had rarely heard him say the Sun-King's actual name, and on top of that, to hear Nil actually _apologize_ to him? Aloy wondered if she was somehow still asleep.

"I...appreciate that, Nil," Avad said, clearly bewildered. 

"Are you okay?" Aloy blurted out a moment later.

Nil glanced between them with an unreadable expression. He made to sit up, but Aloy's hand shot out and pressed him back down into the mattress.

"No, clearly you still need to be laying down."

"I'm fine, huntress." He heaved a weary sigh and threw an arm over his face. "Turns out machine blood and I don't mix very well."

"Did you want to talk about it?" Aloy asked softly.

"Not particularly."

"Then you don't have to," Avad said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "How about something to eat instead?"

Nil lifted the arm from his face slightly, fixing Avad with a tiny smirk.

"Ah, so his Radiance is going to lower himself enough to fetch food for a mere soldier?"

Avad laughed, but his gaze remained fond as he rubbed soothing circles on Nil's shoulder with his thumb. "Only for this one."

As Avad rose from the bed to rummage through their stores, Aloy continued to study Nil - and when their eyes met, she couldn't help but feel as if something had shifted between them. Whether that something was bad or good, she couldn't yet say.

\--

A few days passed, and with Aloy and Avad's care Nil was quick to regain his strength - something which she was frankly jealous of after her recent experience. It was without any discussion that the three began sharing a bed, but there was a surprising lack of awkwardness surrounding the affair. Aloy had claimed the middle spot for herself, and it should have been more surprising that it was how downright _natural_ it felt to fall asleep cradled between the two men, to wake up in the morning with their arms and legs tangled together in the sheets. Even Avad had relaxed immensely after the first night - he began waking her with sweet kisses to her forehead or cheek, and sometimes he would even reach over her to smooth his hand over Nil's upper arm.

Many times she caught Nil's gaze lingering on her and Avad, and, curiously enough, this wasn't accompanied by his characteristic wry smirk. Instead, his brow would be often be creased as if he were deep in thought, and when she happened to meet his stare, he would give her the strangest little half smile. She was certain now that something significant had occurred out in the desert, and although it chafed at her innately curious nature, she refused to pry. If Nil wanted to approach her about it, she would gladly speak with him. Until then, it was none of her business.

Admittedly, Aloy was soothed and distracted somewhat by the fact that Nil remained as affectionate with her as he had been before, all sweet touches and stolen kisses. Whatever was going on in that mind of his couldn't have been anything too horrible, she reasoned - in fact, his actions seemed tinged with even more eagerness, and she unabashedly basked in the warmth of his attentions. Oddly enough, he hadn't yet taken her to bed again, but she chalked it up to him reserving his energy for recovery.

It was on the third day that Kanov came by, beckoning the three of them outside into the crisp morning air. He glanced between them with his trademark wide, friendly smile.

"You look much better, boy!"

Nil only shrugged, a smirk playing on his lips. "I've been through worse."

Kanov laughed deeply, slapping a hand over his round belly. "I should not be surprised - you came back in a much better state than most. I am sure you have guessed I have come to speak with you about the next part of the Rite - Nas' blessing."

"Hopefully not anything quite so intense," Nil said wryly.

"No, no, not at all." Kanov waved him off. "This second part - it is mostly a formality. A few days travel to the White Sand Sea to receive her blessing, and you will become one of us."

Sudden panic gripped at Aloy's gut at the thought of Nil leaving so soon after he had just come back, and she automatically stiffened. Nil's pale gaze darted to her, and he eyed her for a moment with a slight frown.

"And what of my companions?" he asked. "Would they be allowed to come along?"

Kanov stroked at his beard as he mulled it over. "It is an unusual request and require an extra sled, but it is not without precedent. I must ask the priestess, but I see no reason why not. Perhaps it would even be useful to allow an outsider to view Nas in her domain."

"The same priestess who already isn't the biggest fan of me, I'm sure," Aloy muttered under her breath, and Nil's lips twitched.

"I would be interested in observing your Nas," Avad interjected from his place beside her. "I've never seen such a being, and I admit I am curious."

"I will have an answer for you by tonight, my friend," Kanov said, clapping a firm hand on to Avad's shoulder. "Either way, Nil, we depart tomorrow at dawn, so be sure to get some rest!"

"The Munishka seem to be an efficient people," Avad remarked thoughtfully as the enormous man lumbered off. "I feared that we would be stuck waiting as we were with the councilors, and time is our most precious commodity."

"At least they seem to understand what a threat the Tenakth are," Aloy said, rolling a hair bead between her fingers. "I was worried they wouldn't take us seriously."

"Well, they did, and I was the sacrificial offering," Nil said, although his tone was light and teasing. "And I don't know about you two, but my fingers itch for the bowstring when I think about what lies ahead. I'm ready to move on."

"I'd say I am too, but it's funny," Aloy said softly as she looked out over Viatr. "I'm really going to miss this place. The people here have been so kind, and I'm not sure we're ever going to see them again."

Avad shot her a sly smile, and she raised an eyebrow at the unusual gesture from him. "I wouldn't be so certain of that. Ayska and I have been working on plans for diplomacy once we win back Meridian. You might be seeing more of our newfound friends and allies than you'd expect."

"And I'll apparently need to make a once yearly trek out here," Nil said, a grin tugging at his lips as he focused on Avad. "I suppose it isn't an option to allow my citizenship to lapse?"

"Not at all," Avad replied, fixing him with a stern look. "We cannot allow our relations with the Munishka to be thrown in to jeopardy, and the risk is there with how fragile and new they are."

Nil heaved a dramatic sigh. "Well, I guess I could use the time to train with the Dragoons. And I've heard that the yearly gathering is quite the party."

"Why do I get the sense that I should be concerned about that with you?" Avad sighed wearily, rubbing at his forehead.

Aloy was once again caught off guard by Nil's expression growing entirely serious, not a hint of a smirk or teasing present in his tone when he spoke. "You shouldn't be, Avad. I'm well aware of how important diplomacy is to you, and I wouldn't destroy your efforts so carelessly."

Potent emotion dawned over Avad's face just as a surge of warmth bloomed in Aloy's chest. "Thank you, Nil."

He gave a loose, rolling shrug. "Besides, Aloy could come along as a chaperone. She's almost as good at the whole mother hen act as you are."

A gasping snicker escaped him as she elbowed him sharply. 

"Well, you're in need of it," she said primly. 

"Aloy may have her own ideas in mind for what she'd like to do after this is over," Avad said, much to her surprise. "We shouldn't make any binding plans just yet."

At the thought of losing the companionship she so treasured, Aloy found herself suddenly uneasy. Even after they returned to the Sundom, even if she chose to stay, it was undeniable that there would be a shift in their relationship, and the thought left her cold. She couldn't help but feel a bit miffed at herself - years alone and being just fine with that, and now she could barely stomach the idea of a life without Nil and Avad. It was much like the first time she had tried spiced food in Meridian - before, she had eagerly devoured unseasoned food, as it was all she had known. After her first taste of mouthwatering skewered meat from a street vendor, however, she began regularly purchasing pouches of fragrant Carja spices to sprinkle over her meals, because suddenly plain food just wasn't interesting enough anymore. If this was what love was all about, it was awfully inconvenient, but she couldn't quite bring herself to hate it entirely.

"I wouldn't count me out," she finally said, flashing a smile at him. "Depending what we find out west, you might just be stuck with me."

"I wouldn't be opposed to that," Avad said, brushing his fingertips against hers. 

"If someone must be my keeper, I'd prefer it be you, huntress," Nil teased, but his eyes were filled to the brim with fond affection. "I'd rather that than have you disappear on us again."

Strangely, those words didn't sting as much as they once might have, and Aloy was able to brush them off as she stuck her tongue out at him.

"So, do you feel recovered enough to head to the training grounds?" she asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Since Nil's return, she had hardly left his side, and she had to admit that he had a point about the lack of action - between her recovery and his, she was beginning to become antsy after a life so defined by physical activity.

Nil regarded her with a lazy half-smile. "I think I could manage. As long as you go easy on me, fierce one."

"And you, Avad?" At the Sun-King's confused look, she crossed her arms over her chest and fixed him with a mock glare. "Don't think it's escaped my notice that you haven't practiced any of your new skills since we've come to Viatr."

"She has a point, you know," Nil drawled. "You should be joining us, my king."

Avad stepped back towards the tent with his hands up. "I-erm, I had plans with Ayksa already to...to..."

"You know, once we hit the road again, you're going to be out of excuses like that," Aloy chided, fighting the laughter that was bubbling up inside of her. She finally let it out when he began sputtering out protests in a very undignified manner, and with an amused smile, she pushed past him and into the tent to grab her things.

\--

"I didn't need to go easy on you at all," Aloy grumbled sometime later, wincing as she massaged at a spot on her arm she was certain would bruise - the remnant of a smarting blow from Nil's wooden practice sword.

"I suppose not," he laughed, although his voice was strained and tired. Aloy smirked - perhaps she had finally pushed him close to his limit. The training grounds were deserted at this late hour, the sun already high and hot overhead, so it it was without any self consciousness that she boldly ran her fingertips over the slick, naked expanse of his chest.

"So..." Aloy drew out the word as she gazed up at Nil expectantly.

"Yes, huntress?"

"Would you like to go to the baths as usual? Or..." She gestured at their empty surroundings with a coy smile and a quirked brow. "Something else?"

He hesitated, and a familiar tendril of worry coiled tight in Aloy's gut.

"Aloy...perhaps it would be for the best if we avoided such activities for awhile."

Her heart stuttered to a stop, and for a moment, all she could see was Avad in front of her again, the same heartbreaking words spilling from his lips.

"So, you're finally going to discard me too," she snapped, tears pricking in her eyes as that painfully familiar feeling of rejection engulfed her. "I should have known better. I guess I'm only worth bedding and nothing more."

"No!" Nil caught her hand as she whirled to leave, and when her furious gaze met his, she was stunned to see _anger_ burning in his eyes.

"How could you say - how could you even _think_ that?" he hissed, leaning so close she could feel his breath as it danced over her skin. Despite herself, she shivered. "Calm yourself and listen to me for a moment before you jump to conclusions."

Taking a deep breath and blinking back the tears swimming in her vision, Aloy gave a slight nod.

"I'm not discarding you at all," he said, his voice much calmer and gentler now. His hand came up to cup her cheek, and she closed her eyes and pressed into the warmth of his callused palm. "I'm not going anywhere. I swear it."

"Okay," she said, swallowing back some of her anxiety. "Then what exactly are you trying to say?"

"We're going to be traveling again soon," Nil said, and Aloy let out a surprised squeak as he tugged her against his chest. In the sturdy, protective circle of his arms, she allowed herself to relax slightly. "And traveling means being in close quarters with your companions. I only wanted to say we should try to be more respectful of Avad going forward, and now's as good of a time as any to start."

"You're right," she said after moment of consideration, surprised to find herself agreeing without a hint of reluctance. There was truth there - perhaps she _had_ been a bit hasty in immediately trying to climb back into bed with Nil. And when she thought about it, Avad not being involved in their activities sent a desperate ache of longing through her, despite still being unsure if such an arrangement was even possible. The only thing Aloy was certain of was that she was in love with both men, and as time marched on, as she spent every day and night in their company, the idea of parting with one of them was becoming more and more daunting. Until she figured that particular issue out, Aloy was beginning to understand that it was probably best to step back from her physical relationship with Nil.

"I'll still sleep beside you every night if you wish it," Nil murmured against her ear. "I'll still touch and kiss you. Never believe that I don't still want these things, don't still want you. I won't stop unless you ask it of me."

Relief and gratitude washed over her in a calming wave, and Aloy couldn't help but tighten her embrace to the point of what she sure was discomfort, but Nil endured it with a gasping laugh. When she finally drew away, he didn't waste any time in leaning over and claiming her lips with his own. The kiss was deep but sweet, his tongue delving lazily into her mouth and brushing against hers in a way that still made her knees feel shaky and weak. When they parted, he tucked her head under her chin, and it wasn't long before her eyes drifted shut, lulled by the steady cadence of his pulse against her cheek.

"Nil?"

"Mm?" 

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened out there?"

A chuckle reverberated in his chest. "Your curiosity will be the death of you, my huntress."

"Don't worry about it," she said, pulling away to look him in the eye, to show him that she was serious. "You don't have to ever tell me anything if you don't want to."

"I will, someday," Nil said, his gaze somewhere far off. "Maybe when all of this is over. Ask me then."

With one last kiss to her forehead, he carefully separated himself from her then twined their fingers together, leading her from the grounds for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a bridge/fluff chapter, exploring the aftermath of the Rite in regards to Nil and setting up the rules going forward. Plot and adventure are really gonna kick in again, and things are gonna start speeding up. We're about ready to say goodbye to Viatr - two more chapters there and we're done!
> 
> See you next week, where we're finally gonna meet Nas!!


End file.
